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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Movie Discussion: The Hobbit:
My Own Personal Onion Article:

Elutherian
Rohan


Sep 20 2012, 4:31am


Views: 1285
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My Own Personal Onion Article: Can't Post

J.R.R. Tolkien re-animated, writes own Hobbit adaptation, fans still refuse to like film:

Earlier this year, J.R.R. Tolkien (author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings), was re-animated by British scientists. He very abruptly sat down at a typewriter and churned out a screenplay for the Hobbit that many said would "be the legitimate alternative to Peter Jackson's abominations." Fans immediately rejoiced until Wednesday when the trailer for Tolkien's adaptation was put out on the internet.

"I thought it was completely not in the spirit of the book" said one Middle-Earth fan, with the screen-name 'Durin'sAxe.'

"I was disappointed" said another fan, screen-name 'OscureCharacterEvenPeopleWhoHaveReadTheBook500TimesHaveNeverHeardOf', "There was no mention of Bilbo smiling on the fortieth page, following the moment he ran in between those two trees... which by the way looked completely unrealistic." This person was not dissuaded by the fact that the two trees he was referring to were actually trees. 'Arwenshouldgetbackinthekitchen67' stated "This is what's wrong with Hollywood, they put things in films like drama, and action, and humor, and character development... completely ruins everything."

Some fans even took extreme measures. Dr. Albert Narula of Oxford University said a study ascertained just this past week showed that some Tolkien fans had actually decided to read the books again and not go see the film. "Roughly five or six Tolkien fans are not seeing the film. This is troubling considering the small amount of money that Warner Brothers will lose from film-goers who would otherwise be spending on a ticket."

An unnamed source told reporters that he would not be going to see the film. "It's an insult to everything Tolkien stood for... before he wrote the screenplay."

Peter Jackson had something to say about all this: "I really, really, from the bottom of my heart don't care. Honestly. I have millions of dollars, thousands of fans who love my films, and I'm buried in Oscars."

Zombie Tolkien was asked for a rebuttal to these criticisms, he simply replied, and I quote: "Ahhhhrrrrrgggghhhhhhhh." Then he went back to typing a Silmarillion screenplay.

- 9/19/2012 (London,UK)

The Grey Pilgrim, they once called me. Three hundred lives of men I walked this earth, and now I have no time...

Subject User Time
My Own Personal Onion Article: Elutherian Send a private message to Elutherian Sep 20 2012, 4:31am
    Nice piece of satire Altaira Send a private message to Altaira Sep 20 2012, 4:49am
    great post. love it totoro Send a private message to totoro Sep 20 2012, 5:58am
    Love it! DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Sep 20 2012, 6:38am
    :D Valandil ed Imladris Send a private message to Valandil ed Imladris Sep 20 2012, 8:24am
    To be fair to Tolkien stoutfiles Send a private message to stoutfiles Sep 20 2012, 11:54am
        And it will be terrible and win zero awards. lol // Elutherian Send a private message to Elutherian Sep 20 2012, 1:21pm
    Mr Tolkien Elenorflower Send a private message to Elenorflower Sep 20 2012, 12:11pm
        Oh brother... Elutherian Send a private message to Elutherian Sep 20 2012, 1:23pm
    Ah, if only complaints about the trailer were in reality such petty bickerings Captain Salt Send a private message to Captain Salt Sep 20 2012, 3:28pm
        That's the thing Shelob'sAppetite Send a private message to Shelob'sAppetite Sep 20 2012, 3:35pm
    Bwahahaha! entmaiden Send a private message to entmaiden Sep 20 2012, 3:31pm
    And on Talk Like a Pirate Day... RosieLass Send a private message to RosieLass Sep 20 2012, 4:04pm
    Great post! Loresilme Send a private message to Loresilme Sep 20 2012, 4:56pm
    Hahaha! :D I think I'll change my screen name now. Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Sep 21 2012, 1:45am

 
 
 

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