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In the category "parents I'd like to slap on the face"

Tol Eressea

Aug 26 2012, 2:46am

Post #1 of 6 (452 views)
In the category "parents I'd like to slap on the face" Can't Post

"How can you wear such shabby shoes?!"

"Do you not think at all?! In public!?"

"Have you no shame?!"

"Allways I have to be ashamed of you!"

It went on and on and on. She scolded the poor little girl in a very loud, accusing voice as they walked down the hallway. Shouted at the girl for daring to embarass her by wearing shabby shoes in public. The girl said nothing, just walked along limbly, obediently, like kids do when adults abuse their power over these helpless little humans, incapable of defending themselves, just enduring. And kids endure so much.

It was one of those moments when your mind just goes blank from the inability to realize what you just saw/heard really happened. I want to believe if she wasn't already so far away when I entered the hallway I would have interrupted her and told her she has no right to speak to the child in such an awful manner.

But then again, I never found the courage to stand up in the bus and told the bullies to leave the poor kid alone. I just looked away as it happened, and the moment was over, and another kid cried himself to sleep that night.

I know such action wouldn't stop the bullying, or the scolding, but it would make a difference for the bullied one. It would have made a difference for me if some time, even once, someone from the quiet public would have stood up and said to my bullies "You have no right to treat her in that way and the society around does not accept what's happening to her." Because it's the silent approval of the others that makes it worst. "This is your place in the world. It is fine to the universe that this happens to you. We do not care about you. You have no worth."

Sophie Scholl, give me courage with your unwordly amazingness.

Also. Everytime a crime is commited, shame is born out of that action. But the criminal throws all the shame on the victim. And so it's the victim who has to carry both the weight of the consequences of the crime, and of the shame of what happened.

But every word you say today
Gets twisted 'round some other way
And they'll hurt you if they think you've lied


Aug 27 2012, 2:27am

Post #2 of 6 (166 views)
I work with students who have been told that a lot in their lives... [In reply to] Can't Post

They are adults now, and they did not finish school because they got the wrong message about themselves somewhere along the line...or they made mistakes...or sometimes life just isn't fair and they ended up on the wrong side of things...

The good news is that I have seen people really turn their lives around, if they connect with a program or person who can help them get past the negative programming. It's very rewarding and inspiring to be part of that process.

Sometimes, you just can't fix things or change things when they happen. Most of us have seen injustices done and felt powerless to do anything, or regret that we didn't speak up. But that doesn't mean you can't take some action later when it will make a difference and you feel more prepared to do so.


Tol Eressea

Aug 28 2012, 5:54pm

Post #3 of 6 (131 views)
Thanks [In reply to] Can't Post

Yes. I suppose - I know - you're right. I was mostly venting my frustration.

But every word you say today
Gets twisted 'round some other way
And they'll hurt you if they think you've lied

(This post was edited by Faenoriel on Aug 28 2012, 5:55pm)


Aug 29 2012, 4:16am

Post #4 of 6 (124 views)
If that's how the child is being treated in public [In reply to] Can't Post

it's probably much worse when she gets home.

I understand the urge to speak up in that situation. But it can backfire. A parent who is shaming a child in that way is undoubtedly projecting their own shame onto the child. If they are confronted about their behavior in public, there's a good chance they'll take it out on the child when they get home.

On the other hand, if that little girl has never heard anyone challenge her mom's treatment of her, it could make a difference to how she feels about herself. It sounds as if that's what your experience tells you.

The parents that make me the angriest are the ones who say "Liar! Your father would never do such a thing!" You don't hear that in public of course but a lot of my adult clients(I work with survivors of sexual trauma) were told that as kids.

We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner!


Aug 29 2012, 2:08pm

Post #5 of 6 (127 views)
I had a friend who would diffuse situations like this [In reply to] Can't Post

by pretending to know the verbal abuser and just waving and saying hi. The abuser, of course, did not know this woman and thought, 'what a crazy person'. But it focused the attention of the abuser away from the person they were abusing and didn't tend to make them angrier - such as a confrontation or direct intervention might.

It didn't work long term, for sure. But in many cases, an intervention on the street can not perform any long term magic. But it did tend to stop that incident.

As someone who has, over the years, confronted some people about some things, I am less and less inclined to do so. Today, too many people carry weapons and things can go bad very quickly. And in the case of two adults (like a woman being abused) the woman will just as likely stick up for the abuser once someone else gets involved. If I thought something needed attention, I am more likely to call the police or alert security.

It's a hard thing to deal with because no one wants to turn a blind eye or deaf ear to people who need help.

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Noel Q. von Schneiffel

Aug 31 2012, 8:31pm

Post #6 of 6 (112 views)
Another thought [In reply to] Can't Post

There is also the remote possibility - I'm not claiming it's likely - that mother and child were orcs. Those are everywhere. Usually, they wear latex masks in public, so they are mistaken as humans. But their manners give it away, if you know what to look for. The behaviour you described would be perfectly normal and not raising any eyebrows in an Orcish household.

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