Our Sponsor Sideshow Collectibles Send us News
Lord of the Rings Tolkien
Search Tolkien
Lord of The RingsTheOneRing.net - Forged By And For Fans Of JRR Tolkien
Lord of The Rings Serving Middle-Earth Since The First Age

Lord of the Rings Movie News - J.R.R. Tolkien
Do you enjoy the 100% volunteer, not for profit services of TheOneRing.net?
Consider a donation!

  Main Index   Search Posts   Who's Online   Log in
The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Main:
Punk parody #3-the Sex Pistols. With introduction.

Tol Eressea

Jun 30 2012, 1:55pm

Post #1 of 11 (349 views)
Punk parody #3-the Sex Pistols. With introduction. Can't Post

The following parody, third of a series of punk-genre song parodies I have been posting lately, is a tribute, of sorts, to one of Middle Earth’s most striking visual features:

First, an introduction, starting with a graphic:

Next, a clip showing the Fellowship rowing between the two statues is here, in a youtube clip (which cites our very own Magpie’s website for lyrics and information):


Then, here’s the Wikipedia entry describing the Argonath:

A monument comprising two enormous pillars carved in the likenesses of Isildur and Anárion, standing upon either side of the River Anduin at the northern approach to Nen Hithoel.
The figures were originally constructed about T.A. 1240 at the order of Rómendacil II[2] to mark the northern border of Gondor, although the realm was greatly diminished in size by the time the Fellowship of the Ring passed the Argonath on February 25, 3019.
Each of the two figures was shown wearing a crown and a helm, with an axe in its right hand and its left hand raised in a gesture of defiance to the enemies of Gondor.[3]
Also known as the Gate of Kings or the Pillars of the Kings.


Followed by, the relevant passage from the book. (BOOK SPOILER WARNING:)


Frodo peering forward saw in the distance two great rocks approaching: like great pillars or pinnacles of stone they seemed. Tall and sheer and ominous they stood upon either side of the stream. A narrow gap appeared between them, and the River swept the boats toward it.

“Behold the Argonath, the Pillars of Kings!” cried Aragorn. “We shall pass them soon. Keep the boats in line, as far apart as you can! Hold the middle of the stream!”

As Frodo was borne towards them the great pillars rose like towers to meet him. Giants they seemed to him, vast grey figures silent but threatening. Then he saw that they were indeed shaped and fashioned: the craft and power of old had wrought upon them, and still they preserved through the suns and rains of forgotten years the mighty likenesses in which they had been hewn. Upon great pedestals founded in the deep waters stood two great kings of stone: still with blurred eyes and crannied brows they frowned upon the North. The left hand of each was raised palm outwards in gesture of warning; in each right hand there was an axe; upon each head there was a crumbling head and crown. Great power and majesty they still wore, the silent wardens of a long-vanished kingdom. Awe and fear fell upon Frodo, and he cowered down, shutting his eyes and not daring to look up as the boat drew near. Even Boromir bowed his head as the boats whirled by, frail and fleeting as little leaves, under the enduring shadow of the sentinels of Númenor. So they passed into the dark chasm of the Gates.

--LOTR:FOTR “The Great River” page 508 (Ballantine Books, New York 1966)

I do not usually preface my parody songs with such introductions. In this case I felt that such an extensive introduction was called for due to the grandness of the subject matter, an icon of reverence within Tolkien’s fiction and also within its fandom.

With that, we are done with the introduction and we are about to proceed with the parody-tribute lyrics, which takes a, shall we say, lighter approach to the subject matter. Remember, this is a parody of a punk song, a classic within the genre. It is intended as a tribute but it’s not necessary the most reverent one. If you are easily offended by a lighthearted approach to something as awe-inspiring and important as the Argonath, this might not be the parody for you to enjoy.

If you are still with me, please note, as I usually say for my parodies, it is advisable to read while the source song by the Sex Pistols is playing in the background and while following along with the source lyrics. Here are some linkies:

And now, the parody lyrics (with sincere apologies to the Professor and the subject matter of the parody):

THE ARGONATH (a parody of Sex Pistols, Anarchy In The UK)

Halt now, hahaha!

We are the ARGONATH!
We guard the river path!
Don’t know where you’re going? Then you’re gonna get it!
The falls will destroy the passer-by

The falls spell your fatality!
(Heed, everybody!)

ARGONATH, we’re the Gate of Kings!
We’ve stood for some time, and may it be
We warn with our sign, row with boats in line.
To Gondor’s foes, don’t you pass our toes!

To all Gondor’s foes, turn from here!
(We really mean it!)


How many ways to get where you want?
Why use this path? Veer like the rest.
If you’re the enemy,
Read these palms, they say Flee!

That’s why we have been standing here.
(It’s the only way to be!)

Bro, what in my ear doth lay?
You’ve got a squirrel’s nest, I daresay.
And on my nose? It might be a jay
I saw one fly by today,

And now, another warm spray
(Of something sticky, staining me)

Still now glad to be ARGONATH
(Oh what a name)
And now proud to be ARGONATH (know what I mean?)
And now proud to STRIKE THIS POSE!
(To our foes: leave now!)

*ducks, to avoid the tomatoes*

Source song lyrics:

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.


Tol Eressea

Jul 1 2012, 5:40am

Post #2 of 11 (168 views)
No tomatoes from me :D [In reply to] Can't Post



To Gondor's foes, don't you pass our toes!

LOL Love it! Love it all!

And if you look closely at Anarion...isn't that a safety pin in his nose??? (Just kidding! *also ducking to avoid tomatoes*)


Jul 1 2012, 2:42pm

Post #3 of 11 (162 views)
Interesting. I'm not a huge fan of punk... [In reply to] Can't Post

I really don't feel qualified to comment. It seems fitting, though.

"Good and ill have not changed since yesteryear; nor are they one thing among Elves and Dwarves and another among Men. It is a man's part to discern them, as much in the Golden Wood as in his own house." - Aragorn


Jul 1 2012, 6:36pm

Post #4 of 11 (157 views)
This is good fun. [In reply to] Can't Post

"Bro, what in my ear doth lay ?" Laugh

Thanks for some good entertainment on a Sunday Ruxendil !

I'm not throwing any tomatoes either Cool

Tol Eressea

Jul 3 2012, 2:36am

Post #5 of 11 (151 views)
Thanks much zarabia! i don't have to feel so guilty for the irreverence [In reply to] Can't Post

if I can drag others down with me! EvilWink jk!
seriously, though, thanks for enjoying and the support!

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.


Tol Eressea

Jul 3 2012, 2:43am

Post #6 of 11 (155 views)
oh, I'm sure you're qualified [In reply to] Can't Post

Even if not a fan of the source song genre. I'm always grateful to get your feedback, sempai!

And I realize, there are going to be those who just don't like punk. Especially the Sex Pistols, versus the Clash who are more musically sophisticated, and the Ramones who seem more accessible, like punk's version of the Beach Boys . Definitely an acquired taste, so I understand where you're coming from.

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.


Tol Eressea

Jul 3 2012, 3:03am

Post #7 of 11 (156 views)
Thank you Hamfast! [In reply to] Can't Post

That entire verse with the line that you quoted was a guilty pleasure for me to write bc it was so cheeky and lowbrow. I'm glad you joined in the fun with me, thanks!

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.



Jul 4 2012, 12:04pm

Post #8 of 11 (145 views)
What a great tribute!!! [In reply to] Can't Post

WOW! Lots of thoughtful work and a wonderful parody... AS USUAL! :) WOW! Thank you!


I really need these new films to take me back to, and not re-introduce me to, that magical world.

TORn's Observations Lists
Unused Scenes

Tol Eressea

Jul 4 2012, 12:47pm

Post #9 of 11 (163 views)
Thanks right back atcha, gramma! [In reply to] Can't Post

I'm sincerely glad you thought well of it. Smile

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.


Ziggy Stardust

Jul 12 2012, 12:45am

Post #10 of 11 (142 views)
Really Good [In reply to] Can't Post

And no tomatoes from me either. I thought the lyrics were good, and the Argonath really are intimidating, so I found some things that fit. And I also like the Sex Pistols, so I found nothing offensive.

"It's okay, I feel like getting up and screaming every time you walk into a room." -Lestrade, Sherlock S2,ep3.

Tol Eressea

Jul 12 2012, 2:10am

Post #11 of 11 (173 views)
Thank you ZS! [In reply to] Can't Post

Glad you thought so. It really was a tribute, so I'm glad if that came across. Smile And the Sex Pistols may just be The Argonath of punk rock. Cool

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.



Search for (options) Powered by Gossamer Forum v.1.2.3

home | advertising | contact us | back to top | search news | join list | Content Rating

This site is maintained and updated by fans of The Lord of the Rings, and is in no way affiliated with Tolkien Enterprises or the Tolkien Estate. We in no way claim the artwork displayed to be our own. Copyrights and trademarks for the books, films, articles, and other promotional materials are held by their respective owners and their use is allowed under the fair use clause of the Copyright Law. Design and original photography however are copyright © 1999-2012 TheOneRing.net. Binary hosting provided by Nexcess.net

Do not follow this link, or your host will be blocked from this site. This is a spider trap.