Our Sponsor Sideshow Collectibles Send us News
Lord of the Rings Tolkien
Search Tolkien
Lord of The RingsTheOneRing.net - Forged By And For Fans Of JRR Tolkien
Lord of The Rings Serving Middle-Earth Since The First Age

Lord of the Rings Movie News - J.R.R. Tolkien
Do you enjoy the 100% volunteer, not for profit services of TheOneRing.net?
Consider a donation!

  Main Index   Search Posts   Who's Online   Log in
The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Main:
Punk parody #3-the Sex Pistols. With introduction.

Grey Havens

Jun 30 2012, 1:55pm

Views: 238
Punk parody #3-the Sex Pistols. With introduction. Can't Post

The following parody, third of a series of punk-genre song parodies I have been posting lately, is a tribute, of sorts, to one of Middle Earth’s most striking visual features:

First, an introduction, starting with a graphic:

Next, a clip showing the Fellowship rowing between the two statues is here, in a youtube clip (which cites our very own Magpie’s website for lyrics and information):


Then, here’s the Wikipedia entry describing the Argonath:

A monument comprising two enormous pillars carved in the likenesses of Isildur and Anárion, standing upon either side of the River Anduin at the northern approach to Nen Hithoel.
The figures were originally constructed about T.A. 1240 at the order of Rómendacil II[2] to mark the northern border of Gondor, although the realm was greatly diminished in size by the time the Fellowship of the Ring passed the Argonath on February 25, 3019.
Each of the two figures was shown wearing a crown and a helm, with an axe in its right hand and its left hand raised in a gesture of defiance to the enemies of Gondor.[3]
Also known as the Gate of Kings or the Pillars of the Kings.


Followed by, the relevant passage from the book. (BOOK SPOILER WARNING:)


Frodo peering forward saw in the distance two great rocks approaching: like great pillars or pinnacles of stone they seemed. Tall and sheer and ominous they stood upon either side of the stream. A narrow gap appeared between them, and the River swept the boats toward it.

“Behold the Argonath, the Pillars of Kings!” cried Aragorn. “We shall pass them soon. Keep the boats in line, as far apart as you can! Hold the middle of the stream!”

As Frodo was borne towards them the great pillars rose like towers to meet him. Giants they seemed to him, vast grey figures silent but threatening. Then he saw that they were indeed shaped and fashioned: the craft and power of old had wrought upon them, and still they preserved through the suns and rains of forgotten years the mighty likenesses in which they had been hewn. Upon great pedestals founded in the deep waters stood two great kings of stone: still with blurred eyes and crannied brows they frowned upon the North. The left hand of each was raised palm outwards in gesture of warning; in each right hand there was an axe; upon each head there was a crumbling head and crown. Great power and majesty they still wore, the silent wardens of a long-vanished kingdom. Awe and fear fell upon Frodo, and he cowered down, shutting his eyes and not daring to look up as the boat drew near. Even Boromir bowed his head as the boats whirled by, frail and fleeting as little leaves, under the enduring shadow of the sentinels of Númenor. So they passed into the dark chasm of the Gates.

--LOTR:FOTR “The Great River” page 508 (Ballantine Books, New York 1966)

I do not usually preface my parody songs with such introductions. In this case I felt that such an extensive introduction was called for due to the grandness of the subject matter, an icon of reverence within Tolkien’s fiction and also within its fandom.

With that, we are done with the introduction and we are about to proceed with the parody-tribute lyrics, which takes a, shall we say, lighter approach to the subject matter. Remember, this is a parody of a punk song, a classic within the genre. It is intended as a tribute but it’s not necessary the most reverent one. If you are easily offended by a lighthearted approach to something as awe-inspiring and important as the Argonath, this might not be the parody for you to enjoy.

If you are still with me, please note, as I usually say for my parodies, it is advisable to read while the source song by the Sex Pistols is playing in the background and while following along with the source lyrics. Here are some linkies:

And now, the parody lyrics (with sincere apologies to the Professor and the subject matter of the parody):

THE ARGONATH (a parody of Sex Pistols, Anarchy In The UK)

Halt now, hahaha!

We are the ARGONATH!
We guard the river path!
Don’t know where you’re going? Then you’re gonna get it!
The falls will destroy the passer-by

The falls spell your fatality!
(Heed, everybody!)

ARGONATH, we’re the Gate of Kings!
We’ve stood for some time, and may it be
We warn with our sign, row with boats in line.
To Gondor’s foes, don’t you pass our toes!

To all Gondor’s foes, turn from here!
(We really mean it!)


How many ways to get where you want?
Why use this path? Veer like the rest.
If you’re the enemy,
Read these palms, they say Flee!

That’s why we have been standing here.
(It’s the only way to be!)

Bro, what in my ear doth lay?
You’ve got a squirrel’s nest, I daresay.
And on my nose? It might be a jay
I saw one fly by today,

And now, another warm spray
(Of something sticky, staining me)

Still now glad to be ARGONATH
(Oh what a name)
And now proud to be ARGONATH (know what I mean?)
And now proud to STRIKE THIS POSE!
(To our foes: leave now!)

*ducks, to avoid the tomatoes*

Source song lyrics:

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.


Subject User Time
Punk parody #3-the Sex Pistols. With introduction. Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Jun 30 2012, 1:55pm
    No tomatoes from me :D zarabia Send a private message to zarabia Jul 1 2012, 5:40am
        Thanks much zarabia! i don't have to feel so guilty for the irreverence Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Jul 3 2012, 2:36am
    Interesting. I'm not a huge fan of punk... Otaku-sempai Send a private message to Otaku-sempai Jul 1 2012, 2:42pm
        oh, I'm sure you're qualified Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Jul 3 2012, 2:43am
    This is good fun. Hamfast Send a private message to Hamfast Jul 1 2012, 6:36pm
        Thank you Hamfast! Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Jul 3 2012, 3:03am
    What a great tribute!!! grammaboodawg Send a private message to grammaboodawg Jul 4 2012, 12:04pm
        Thanks right back atcha, gramma! Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Jul 4 2012, 12:47pm
    Really Good Ziggy Stardust Send a private message to Ziggy Stardust Jul 12 2012, 12:45am
        Thank you ZS! Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Jul 12 2012, 2:10am


Search for (options) Powered by Gossamer Forum v.1.2.3

home | advertising | contact us | back to top | search news | join list | Content Rating

This site is maintained and updated by fans of The Lord of the Rings, and is in no way affiliated with Tolkien Enterprises or the Tolkien Estate. We in no way claim the artwork displayed to be our own. Copyrights and trademarks for the books, films, articles, and other promotional materials are held by their respective owners and their use is allowed under the fair use clause of the Copyright Law. Design and original photography however are copyright © 1999-2012 TheOneRing.net. Binary hosting provided by Nexcess.net

Do not follow this link, or your host will be blocked from this site. This is a spider trap.