Noel Q. von Schneiffel
Rivendell
May 10 2012, 6:56pm
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The New Adventures of Little Red Riding Hood (Poem)
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This is a little poem I wrote a while ago, with me in the lead role as Red Riding Hood. Featuring Christopher Tolkien and, well, a special kind of wolf! About 2 people told me it was "okay", so I'll share it here. Enjoy! THE NEW ADVENTURES OF LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD Yesterday I heard from Manwe Via Kenta and Osanwe A most unexpected order: "Get, Noel, thee to the border." "Travel to the land of France To the forest of Provence Ring my friend Christopher's bell Bring him food, he is not well." So I did what I was askéd Chose a nice hand-woven basket Baked a cake, with icing mottled Packed some wine, for ten years bottled. Oh, the joy that I felt then To aid such a worthy man! I took my red riding hood Which on bearded men looks good. Then I walked for seven hours In the sun, in rainy showers Ever thicker grew the forest Daylight faded more and morest. Suddenly, a twig did crack And I saw, when I looked back A leering face with shaggy hair! Glowing eyes, a fiendish stare! How my heart now started racing 'Twas no wolf whom I was facing. Ten points on the worse-o-meter: I was facing Jackson's Peter! But quite friendly was his voice: "Ah, Noel! The best of boys. See what I have for you, see. Watch my latest DVD!" So I paused my urgent mission Watched the Extra Long Edition On his little shiny netbook While he ran off with a mad look. Oh, the shame that I felt then When I realized his plan! He had made me waste my time Meanwhile, he'd commit a crime. Truly, he had quickly acted While I had been so distracted. Tolkien's residence he reachéd Where he sweet-talked, flattered, preachéd. When I finally got there I saw Jackson in a chair Next to Tolkien like a friend With a contract in his hand. Just to tell it is quite trying: Peter Jackson had been buying Film rights for the Silmarillion! "This", he chirped, "will earn a billion." Oh, the wrath that I felt then! Not a billion, two or ten Justify to sell the Silm To this bumbler for a film. I jumped in and asked the man: "Why then is so big your pen?" Grinning, Peter Jackson said it: "So that I can better edit." Now his giant pen he took And he scribbled in the book Tore out pages like a hack. Then I started my attack. Of the battle songs have spoken. In the house there was much broken Skin was bruised and clothes were tattered Pets were killed and glass was shattered. Finally the Jackson fled. But then Christopher instead Of thanking me, he cried out loud: "Who are you, you vandal? Out!" Fables need a happy ending Mine, however, ends with spending. I paid dearly for repairs Of his tables, windows, chairs. On this day I stopped for good Wearing my red riding hood. "If I see you", Tolkien said, "In this thing again, you're dead."
The Glorious Truth of J.R.R. Tolkien Radiates from his Holy Writings http://www.tolkientruth.info/
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