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SARUMAN (Parody of Billy Joel "Piano Man")

Tol Eressea

Sep 17 2011, 2:43am

Post #1 of 9 (514 views)
SARUMAN (Parody of Billy Joel "Piano Man") Can't Post

After I was done writing the following parody attempt of Billy Joel’s “Piano Man” about Saruman, I checked for other, prior Piano Man-Saruman parodies and found . . . several. To my relief, they were quite different from my version below. I will not link to them but invite everyone to google those other parodies and judge mine accordingly.

SARUMAN (to the tune of Billy Joel, “Piano Man”) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBC6IVP-C84

The Fourteen Hundreds (1400s), Shire Reckoning
The Istari chief I was then.
Just an old man—only looks to be—
Making half-breeds of Uruks and Men.

I said: Lurtz, do you know how Orcs came to be?
I’ll tell you for sure how it goes:
They were Elves once, they say, ‘til the Dark had its way,
Perfected in you, and it shows.

La la la de de da
La la de de da da da

Bring me the Halfling, to Saruman!
Alive and unspoilt, tonight,
As there’s something of value he has for me,
The others, just kill ‘em, all right?

Now Gandalf the Grey was a friend of mine
He sought advice trustingly
A dotard slowpoke hooked on Halfling leaf-smoke,
Now there’s someplace that he’d rather be.
He said: “Friend, your betrayal is killing me,”
As the trust ran away from his face.
“Well I‘m sure that you’re being a rude Istar,
And I’ll soon fly out of this place!”

Oh La la la de de da
La la de de da da da

Now Lurtz was the Uruk-Hai nemesis
He liked to lick blood from a knife
He let loose at the target, three times did he mark it
But promptly some schmuck took his life.

After Wormtongue’s done practicing politics,
Let the Deeping Wall fall like the rain!
Yes, they hold in the Hornburg in hopelessness,
‘Cuz it’s better than hoping in vain.

NO DAWN FOR MAN! (except Saru-Man!)

‘Twas a pretty good crowd here in Isengard
And the tree-herders gave me a smile
‘Cuz they knew it was me they were comin’ to see
To throw rocks at my tower for a while.

Rang my voice, like those barkers at carnivals,
As I greeted old friends with a sneer.
With a word Gandalf spoke, well, my wizard staff broke,
And . . . say, man, you seen my palantír???

Oh la la la de de da
La la de de da da da

Off to the Shire go I, Saruman!
Sharkey’s last chance, tonight!
Well, what have we here, Halflings in liveries . . . ?
AGGH! You got me, Gríma, all right?!

"That doesn't make much sense to me. But then again, you are quite small. Perhaps you're right."


Sep 17 2011, 11:51am

Post #2 of 9 (297 views)
Another hit song! [In reply to] Can't Post

That's it!! You've definitely got a talent and are a parody-master!!! You need to make a place to keep these all together and put the linkie permanently in your footer! Cuz these are absolutely brilliant!!!

*still smiling* Way cool!


I really need these new films to take me back to, and not re-introduce me to, that magical world.

TORn's Observations Lists
Unused Scenes

Tol Eressea

Sep 17 2011, 3:29pm

Post #3 of 9 (321 views)
*blush* ! [In reply to] Can't Post

wow, thanks so much! I don't know what else to say, that was really too kind :-)

I should mention that, if it weren't for forums like this, I probably would never have been inspired to write these Tolkien specific parodies recently. So, I am grateful to the ppl behind this whole site, all the good ppl who visit here and for the supportive and encouraging comments. You especially grammaboodawg, i'd like to hug you :-)

I'm probably going to follow what you and some others have suggested about a website as a home for these mathoms and linkie footer, thanks for the idea! I actually used to do that (although it was not Tolkien-specific) once upon a time but I stopped maintaining the website over a decade ago. I should be able to revive it.

"That doesn't make much sense to me. But then again, you are quite small. Perhaps you're right."


Sep 18 2011, 1:52am

Post #4 of 9 (292 views)
You're the Weird Al of Middle-earth, Rux'. [In reply to] Can't Post

As above.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost.

Forum Admin / Moderator

Sep 18 2011, 2:09am

Post #5 of 9 (282 views)
Oh, this is good! [In reply to] Can't Post

LOL, it all fits right in! Laugh

You've got another winner here, Ruxendil! Cool


"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915


Sep 19 2011, 2:23am

Post #6 of 9 (265 views)
Ha! I was confused at first and tried to hum your lyrics to the melody of "Rocket Man" by Elton John. [In reply to] Can't Post

Then I realized my mistake :-).

On that note (pun intended) perhaps you can also pen an alternate version of "Saruman" to the "Rocket Man" melody.

Burning down the trees of Isengaard!

(If you are taking requests how about "Freeebirrd!!." j.k. ;-)

Tol Eressea

Sep 19 2011, 3:54am

Post #7 of 9 (246 views)
LOL! [In reply to] Can't Post

O man seriously, thanks for the laugh! What a great post, very very nicely done XD

"burning down the trees of Isengaard" is full of win! Smile

"Freebirrrd!" :-D If i come up with a way to do that one, I'll dedicate it to you, bladerunner.

"That doesn't make much sense to me. But then again, you are quite small. Perhaps you're right."

Tol Eressea

Sep 19 2011, 5:20pm

Post #8 of 9 (256 views)
haha! [In reply to] Can't Post

thanks, i think ;-) would that make me Weird Alatar...? Weird Aelfwine? *shudder* :-D
seriously though, many thanks.

"That doesn't make much sense to me. But then again, you are quite small. Perhaps you're right."

Tol Eressea

Sep 19 2011, 5:27pm

Post #9 of 9 (328 views)
Humble thank you, dernwyn! *bows head* [In reply to] Can't Post

^^^^ glad you like it! don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up, we'll see. thanks for the nice words and the encouragement! Smile

"That doesn't make much sense to me. But then again, you are quite small. Perhaps you're right."


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