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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Main:
ÉOWYN VERSUS THE WITCHKING [“Centerfold”, J. Geils Band], a parody

Tol Eressea

Aug 31 2011, 1:56am

Post #1 of 3 (397 views)
ÉOWYN VERSUS THE WITCHKING [“Centerfold”, J. Geils Band], a parody Can't Post

A parody, by me.

to the tune of “Centerfold”, J. Geils Band

Where the will’s wanting not,
A way opens
, we say,”
A young Rohirrim rider
Whispered, coming by my way.

He rode light like snowflakes,
His grey eyes glinted pain.
The memory of this Dernhelm
Would never leave my brain.

Then Théoden cried: “Fell deeds awake,
‘ere splintering our shields!
Ride now! to Gondor!
to the Pelennor Fields!”

My blood ran cold,
My levity would soon be sold
Songs of us will never fold
The Rohirrim will never fold

Mounted close to Dernhelm’s back
Puzzled, thinkin’ about his…rack?!
He was shy and turned away
Away from Théoden’s eye.

I felt shakin’ in my feet
At every mûmak trumpet bleat
But shine did Théoden’s golden shield,
‘Neath Gondor’s new morn sky.

But lo! The dawn was blotted,
His mighty shield went dim.
Descended like a falling cloud,
The Witch King dark and grim!

My blood ran cold
A dart shot out and Snowmane rolled
Our King’s renown will never fold
Songs of him will never fold

Na, na, na-na na, na!
Na na na, na-na na na, na-a-a-a-a!

“Begone, ye foul dwimmerlaik!
The steel-helmed, youthful Rider spake.
A voice hissed from beneath that crown:
“No living man can put me down!”

Doffed his helm, yes “he” did
Gold waves spilled from under.
“No living man am I!” and clove
The fell beast’s neck asunder.

By strike with mace that Witch King gripped,
From her arm, her shield got stripped.
Oh no, he’s standing right above her!
Oh yeah, the Shire will give her cover!

My arm fell cold,
She rammed her blade above the shoul-
ders of the Captain Nazgûl
Éowyn killed the Nazgûl!

Her arm fell cold
Her enemy had just been nulled
Na, na, na-na na, na!
Éowyn bagged the Nazgûl!

Na, na, na-na na, na!
Na na na, na-na na na, na-a-a-a-a!

As the years grow old
The melody will still be told
How Éowyn slew the Nazgûl
The Captain of the Nazgûl!

[repeat last chorus, alternating last line with:]

I helped her kill the Nazgûl!

"That doesn't make much sense to me. But then again, you are quite small. Perhaps you're right."


Aug 31 2011, 6:47pm

Post #2 of 3 (166 views)
Brilliant! [In reply to] Can't Post

Mods up!

Tol Eressea

Aug 31 2011, 6:50pm

Post #3 of 3 (226 views)
thank you otaku :-) // [In reply to] Can't Post


"That doesn't make much sense to me. But then again, you are quite small. Perhaps you're right."


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