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May 2, 2011 BREAKING: Sauron has been killed, officials report.

Tol Eressea

Aug 9 2011, 3:58am

Post #1 of 1 (1785 views)
May 2, 2011 BREAKING: Sauron has been killed, officials report. Can't Post

The following is something I wrote a few months back, to wit, on Monday, May 2 2011:

BREAKING: Sauron has been killed, officials report.

FIELD OF CORMALLEN, RHOVANNION. Officials have confirmed that, as a result of a targeted mission by a small group of brave servicemembers, following planning and intelligence gathering efforts years in the making, the Dark Lord has at last been reported as permanently vanquished.

According to Gandalf DeGrey, acting director of the Free People's Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC), the final piece of the puzzle that finally exposed the flaw in the Enemy's seemingly impenetrable elusivity arrived in the form of an individual "courier". DeGrey described that individual as "a shifty fellow that had escaped our attentions previously." This time, according to DeGrey, that individual led the Free Peoples' special forces unit straight to the compound.

Said courier and others, in addition to Sauron himself, were counted among the fatalities.

Sauron's remains were positively identified by several wives and family members, which findings were confirmed by facial recognition technology combined with DNA testing, matched against that of known relatives. However, the subsequent identification methods are likely to be considered extraneous, given the recognizability of the Enemy's "unique" visage, which for nearly a decade has been given widespread media exposure.

Within the same hour of the report's release, jubilation broke out in the streets of several major cities, notably but not limited to Minas Tirith (commonly known as "Ground Zero" due to the devastation attributed to the recent, widely-reported Siege of Gondor incident), Dol Amroth, and Edoras. Although comment was not immediately available from Calas Galadhon and other allied capitals to the North, messages of congratulation and celebration are expected. The gatherings comprised primarily of young people in their 20s, many waving flags, others climbing trees. Impromptu singing of A Elbereth Gilthoniel was widely reported.

Due to the recent turn of events, it is deemed highly likely that Aragorn son of Arathorn will be welcomed in his bid to return the line of Elendil to the high throne, despite opposing voices from the pro-Stewardship, anti-monarchist Low-Throne Party and their allied pundits in the media, which opposition has grown noticeably muted since the latest major announcement.

In related news, Captain Faramir Denethorson, son of the recently deceased Steward of Gondor Denethor Echthelionson, has renounced any and all ties to pro-Stewardship ideology and stated without elaboration that he was busy enjoying riding the plains of Rohan.

Other opposition voices in the media have also issued remarks. "This is a momentous day for all Middle Earth, thanks to the resolve shown and action initiated by Mr. DeWhite and carried out by the courageous members of our joint armed forces," to quote Grima, Chief of Staff for the recently embattled, scandal-plagued Saruman DeWhite. DeWhite has found himself recently in the news for settling an action brought by the government of Rohan, with the help of an amicus curiae in the action by Friends of Fangorn.

When pressed, Grima grudgingly added, notably avoiding mention of specific names: " ... and which resolve was wisely continued by the acting intel chief so-and-so, and king's heir whatsisname, who deserve equal credit."

"That doesn't make much sense to me. But then again, you are quite small. Perhaps you're right."


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