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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: The Arena:
Chuck Norris VS. Sauron

Lady Brynna
The Shire

May 29 2011, 1:53pm

Post #1 of 14 (1941 views)
Chuck Norris VS. Sauron Can't Post

What would happen? I keep hearing these jokes about Chuck Norris walking right into Mordor. Well, can he beat up Sauron?

God Bless,
Lady Brynna

Wraith Buster

May 29 2011, 9:34pm

Post #2 of 14 (1019 views)
I think Chuck would be toast!// [In reply to] Can't Post


Pedich Edhellen? Lau? Hria cuilë.

End of line.

Grey Havens

May 29 2011, 11:55pm

Post #3 of 14 (1029 views)
Wow, this is a hard one... [In reply to] Can't Post

Let's see. Chuck Norris can: Fly a plane backward, he doesn't go hunting - he goes killing, he can defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis, he's the reason why Waldo is hiding, Voldemort refers to him as "You know who"...

and Sauron can't even materialize properly until he has a little golden ring.

I'm sorry, but Chuck Norris, all the way. I love this site, by the way: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

Grey Havens

May 30 2011, 12:06am

Post #4 of 14 (1124 views)
Trick question. [In reply to] Can't Post

The Most Interesting Man in the World would school them both.
"I don't always crush Dark Lord's with my bare fists, but when I do, I prefer it to be Sauron".

"I warn you, if you bore me, I shall take my revenge"
--J.R.R. Tolkien


Jun 6 2011, 6:34pm

Post #5 of 14 (1079 views)
I am afraid Chuck would wear himself out striking air.... [In reply to] Can't Post

then Sauron, laughing at his feeble efforts would have him seized and placed on a contraption with an inclined board and bands attached to his arms and legs and forced to work it until his heart gives out....unless rescued by an elven - former supermodel - maiden.

Here are secret Palantir viewing records of his imprisonment...oh my! what he is force to do!


(This post was edited by Eruonen on Jun 6 2011, 6:42pm)

Idril Celebrindal
Tol Eressea

Jun 7 2011, 6:40pm

Post #6 of 14 (1001 views)
Chuck Norris was originally cast as Frodo ... [In reply to] Can't Post

Five minutes into the movie, he roundhouse-kicks Sauron into the fires of Mt. Doom.

With caffeine, all things are possible.

The pity of Bilbo will screw up the fate of many.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Gollum the Great

Jun 7 2011, 6:53pm

Post #7 of 14 (946 views)
Chuck Norris! [In reply to] Can't Post

After all, he doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the world down. Sauron doesn't stand a chance. Wink

Lord Sméagol? Gollum the Great? The Gollum! Eat fish every day, three times a day; fresh from the sea. Most Precious Gollum!


Jun 7 2011, 8:58pm

Post #8 of 14 (1014 views)
Chuck Norris [In reply to] Can't Post

Some of us can see through a brick wall in time, but Chuck Norris can see through it instantly. With a roundhouse kick.

All we have to decide is what to do with the time Chuck Norris has given us.

Never laugh at live dragons. And live dragons never laugh at Chuck Norris.

Where will wants not (or where Chuck Norris gives a roundhouse kick), a way opens.

It’s an ill wind as blows nobody no good except Chuck Norris.

Out of the frying pan into the fire, then out of the fire into Chuck Norris.

Oft evil will shall evil mar. And always Chuck Norris will shall evil mar.

The cause of Bent Seas, Bent Skies, and The World Made Round was just one single roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.

You know what really happened to all the horses at the Morannon? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris could destroy The One Ring with just his beard.

Anyway, back to "Chuck Norris versus Sauron":

Chuck Norris simply walks into Mordor and punches it into the 35th Age. Then he cuts down Barad-dur with just his beard. Then he quenches his thirst with the lava of Oroduin. Finally he stares down the Eye of Sauron until Sauron blinks, then he roundhouse kicks his keister into the Void.

From IMDB trivia:

"A scene was cut from the finished film that showed Eowyn (Miranda Otto) stripping away her regular clothes and then dressing herself in the armor of a Rohan warrior."

*Darkstone bangs head against wall*


Jun 7 2011, 9:46pm

Post #9 of 14 (1008 views)
Well, we do know that Chuck has a large secret weapon should [In reply to] Can't Post

all else fail!

Also, as Chuck said in an interview, Bruce Lee would beat him, so that makes Bruce Lee on the order of a Valar like Tulkas.

(This post was edited by Eruonen on Jun 7 2011, 9:47pm)

Grey Havens

Jun 8 2011, 8:01am

Post #10 of 14 (1053 views)
Ah, so what you're saying is... [In reply to] Can't Post

One does not simply walk into Mordor... unless one is Chuck Norris. Cool


Jun 9 2011, 6:10pm

Post #11 of 14 (1258 views)
Exactly! / [In reply to] Can't Post


From IMDB trivia:

"A scene was cut from the finished film that showed Eowyn (Miranda Otto) stripping away her regular clothes and then dressing herself in the armor of a Rohan warrior."

*Darkstone bangs head against wall*

Tol Eressea

Aug 10 2011, 3:12am

Post #12 of 14 (970 views)
Easy...Chuck Norris.... [In reply to] Can't Post

that third fist under his beard will come in really, really handy.

What's the matter, James? No glib remark? No pithy comeback?"


Aug 11 2011, 11:44pm

Post #13 of 14 (1344 views)
Chuck for the Win [In reply to] Can't Post

If Chuck were in Middle Earth the Necromancer would have never become Sauron ;)

"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you anywhere." - Albert Einstein.


Dec 29 2013, 3:19pm

Post #14 of 14 (328 views)
yes [In reply to] Can't Post



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