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This is a mathom not only of sight and sound, but of mine.


Jul 11 2007, 4:42am

Views: 226
This is a mathom not only of sight and sound, but of mine. Can't Post

It's more or less my fifth TORniversary; as I say around this time every year, I have no idea just when I made my first post, but sometimeinJuly is the best I've been able to figure. So, as mathom, a few things that fit the actual definition of the word, and a parody which kind of does since I meant to post it aroud tax day and, er, didn't.
~ - ~ - ~

First, a small slew of Tolkien references I've run across in books and TV. This doesn't pretend to be a complete collection of all the Tolkien references there ever were; it's just the ones I've come across and either wrote down or remembered and was able to find. Or stumbled across looking for something else. I did think there were more...
~ - ~

Here's one you probably won't have seen. At the New York Renaissance Faire performs a group called Three Pints Shy. The leader of the band (<- gratuitous earwig) is one Chant McLeod, whom I have adored for years (since my best friend was his roommate). He is pure genius at improv, and currently he is making lovely use of that gift with the band in a few songs, including "In Heaven There Is No Beer", in which the audience throws out ideas of other things there are not in heaven, preferably things nothing rhymes with. Because he will have to rhyme them. And trust me, people prepare for this moment. But I digress: here is a small snippet, which can be called "In Heaven There Are No Hobbits". Ever so slightly risque. In my opinion, this and calling 911 are the only two things a cell phone is good for.
~ - ~

Another odd one: from Television Without Pity's "Hell's Kitchen" forum - "I don't like any of the men now. I thought Rock might be OK until he decided to play Gollum and refer to himself in the third person."
~ - ~

From the book The Gate of Ivory by Doris Egan

Background for this quote: the book is a sci-fi/fantasy in that the main character started out on another planet (Athena) and traveled to Ivory. Here she and her companions - her tall companions - have lost whatever transport they had and are of necessity starting off on foot for a destination quite a ways off. And to make matters worse, she's been on some form of birth control since she was of age to need it, and has never given it a second thought ... until now, when it's run out, with what must be the only mention of menses that I've ever seen in sci-fi/fantasy...

I thought about all those marvelous stories I'd read back on Athena, the legends I'd fallen in love with - the heroes setting off to seek firtune and adventure. Knights and damosels rode forth to do battle at castles perilous, and the damosels never had this problem. And hobbits and tall elves strode swiftly over the earth, and the hobbits never had any trouble keeping up. Of course, hobbits were supposed to have great endurance.

If only I were a hobbit. A male hobbit.
~ - ~

From the book Superior Death by Nevada Barr

Tattinger floated into view. With the regulator stretching his rubbery lips and the mask maximizing his watery eyes he put Anna in mind of Gollum, the pale underearth creature that gave Bilbo Baggins the willies.

There was another one in there somewhere, but my sister has the book, and I never fished it out. Oops.
~ - ~

Craig Kilborn - part of his series "To [ ] With Love" - To Elijah Wood With Love (probably not quoted exactly; I scribbled down what I remembered. There was a lot more to it than this, as well.) Probably circa 2003.

"When I look into your eyes, all things seem possible. But then I can see your eyes from my house. They're huge. ... I see great things for you - but I'm sure you see much further than I do..."
~ - ~

from the book A Letter of Mary by Laurie R. King
Mary Russell stops in at the Bird and Baby:
"Had a nice chat with a few friends over a pie and a pint, and met an odd man named Tolkien, a reader in English literature at Leeds who has a passion for early Anglo-Saxon poetry and runes and such."

- Chapter 19, Russell describing her day in Oxford to Holmes.
~ - ~

from the book A Point of Honor by Dorothy J. Heydt
"If I ever get to the stage where I'm self-sufficient - energy, food and water, money - what do I do then? Sit down on my pile like Smaug and grow old?"
~ - ~

Gilmore Girls

- had quite a few:

Season 3 - "Here Comes the Son"
Jess goes looking for his father, and ends up hip deep in dogs.

[a dog starts barking]

JESS: Jess Marian -

SASHA: Frodo, back off now! I'm sorry, what were you saying?

SASHA: I'm Sasha. This is Angus, Chowder, Rufus, Legolas, Caligula, Mudball, General Lee, Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis and Spot. Jimmy's not here right now.
~ - ~

More Season 3 - "Keg! Max!" [This is from the "Keg!" part of the story: teenage boys who really shouldn't be drinking beer, in so many ways]

KYLE: Oh, oh, and the part where Gimli the Dwarf is riding his horse, then Legolas grabs the front straps and swings himself up on top of it.

RICK: Dude, dude, that was awesome!


KYLE: Oh, oh, and at the end when the tree is on fire and then he puts himself out in the flood. Oh!
~ - ~

Season 4 Had one whole storyline from an episode called "The Hobbit, the Sofa and Digger Stiles". Lorelai was apparently catering at that point; I have no memory of this place, myself.

LORELAI: [answers phone] They burnt my fries, forgot to give me an extra side of barbecue sauce, the jeep is making that crunchy sound again, and I have to spend my evening making elf ears for Aaron Thompson's Lord of the Rings party.

LORELAI: Okay, we've got costumes, we're got cutouts, we've got rings, ladies and gentlemen. We've got fairy necklaces, we've got tree heads. I'm picking up table decorations tomorrow. Oh, do you need me to order a Lord of the Rings cake?

SOOKIE: The cake is under control.

[Fairy necklaces. Oh well.]

[Lorelai is talking to a little boy]

LORELAI: No, seriously, give me the ring.

ROGER: No way.

LORELAI: Five bucks.


LORELAI: Just let me hold it.

ROGER: Forget it.

LORELAI: Come on, I promise I'll give it right back, my precious. I mean, Roger.

ROGER: You're crazy.

LORELAI: What? You're the one with the pointy ears, my friend.

[A woman walks two more boys over to Lorelai]

HELEN: Here we go. I'd like you to meet Redmond and Riley James.

LORELAI: Redmond, Riley, nice to meet you. I'm Julie, your cruise director. I'm here to help you with your costumes.

REDMOND: I want to be Legolas.

RILEY: I want to be Gimli.

REDMOND: I want to be Gimli, too.

LORELAI: Okay, two Gimlis coming up.

BOY: Lorelai, my hood is loose!

REDMOND: Her name is Julie, stupid.

BOY: No, it's not, retard!

LORELAI: Hey, hey, hey.

RILEY: She just told us her name was Julie. She's our cruise director.

BOY: What's a cruise director?

REDMOND: I don't know, but you fart with your face.

LORELAI: Hey, love, guys. Love, okay? Lord of the Rings is all about the love.

BOY: Nuh uh, it's about the destruction of all mankind.

LORELAI: And who doesn't love that? You're fixed. Go play - lovingly.

HELEN: Lorelai, some of the kids are asking for swords. Did you bring swords?

LORELAI: Oh, no, I didn't.

HELEN: Oh, thank God. Oh, the Raymonds - I forgot we made up. Will you excuse me?

LORELAI: Absolutely.

[A little girl walks up to her]

GIRL: Riley said only boy hobbits can travel to Mount Doom. Is that true?

LORELAI: In the movie, only boy hobbits travel to Mount Doom, but that's only because the girls went to do something even more dangerous.

GIRL: What?

LORELAI: Have you ever heard of a Brazilian bikini wax?

SOOKIE: [calls from across the yard] Lorelai!

LORELAI: Oh, great, you're here.

GIRL: So girls go on adventures, too?

LORELAI: And they go in heels.

GIRL: Good.

SOOKIE: Are Rawley and Cheech here?

LORELAI: Yup, they've been chopping away for an hour.

SOOKIE: Perfect. Wow, there is a full house, isn't there? You have enough costumes?

LORELAI: We're good - the screen's up, the tables are set, and four kids are crying, so we're right on schedule.

SOOKIE: Well, I better get in the kitchen.

LORELAI: All right, because it's coming up on elevenses and the hobbits are hungry, right?

KIDS: Right!

SOOKIE: I'm going, I'm going.

MAN: Hey, who wants a sword?



SOOKIE: But where were the tablecloths?

LORELAI: Right here. There.

SOOKIE: They're paper.

LORELAI: Yes, they are.

SOOKIE: And there's monsters on them.

LORELAI: No, they're Lord of the Rings characters, which is rather appropriate since this is a Lord of the Rings party.
~ - ~

Season 4 again - "The Incredible Shrinking Lorelais"
PARIS: I'll tell you my problem, Andre. Last time you sat on our couch, your mesomorphic frame carved a four-foot crater in it. I felt like I was sitting in a bucket.

JANET: You're so full of it, Paris.

PARIS: Kids were skateboarding up and down it. Gandalf the Grey is still falling down it. It was a big hole.

ANDRE: [to Janet] What does mesomorphic mean?

PARIS: It means you've got a fat ass, pal.
~ - ~

Season 5 - "Written in the Stars"
Lorelai is brought to Luke's favorite restaurant, a place called Sniffy's.

Lorelai: Wow, very Prancing Pony.
~ - ~

Also Season 5 - "But I'm A Gilmore"

[Luke and Lorelai relax on the couch. Luke is nearly asleep. Lorelai flips through channels on the T.V.]

LORELAI: Does it seem like Frodo is on every fricking channel to you, or is it just me?
~ - ~

And again - "Pulp Friction"

[Luke stares at Zach. Zach un-crumples some bills and places them on the table.]

ZACH: Thatís all Iíve got, man.

[Luke glares and heads back to the counter.]

ZACH [to Lane]: His eyes. Red, like the fires of Mordor.

LANE: Go, go. Iíll see you later, and keep low!
~ - ~

And Season 6 - "I Get A Sidekick Out of You"

Lorelai: Fracking Celine Dion.

[No, I know, that was a BG reference. But it amuses me deeply, in several directions.]
~ - ~

And here's Television Without Pity again, one of the GG threads:

"Personally, I'm a sucker for any Lord of the Rings references they toss at me. When Lorelai said "and since I'm currently one of the women sitting at home thinking 'If only I could find a man like Aragorn' he picked me.' I thought, 'Me too, Lorelai. Me too.' Actually, I was really thinking, 'If only I could find a man like Legolas,' but Aragorn's hot too. And Faramir...and Eomer...Pippin's pretty hot for a hobbit..."

Silly female. No taste at all. No Boromir?
~ - ~

On another note entirely, I stumbled on this review somewhere, by "Iamshort830@....com", and it tickled me for some reason:
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. 4 1/2 stars.
"I loved this book. It was good. I loved how there was suspense in the book. J.R.R. Tolkien knows how to write. I enjoyed this book. Iím glad the hobbit returned safely."
~ - ~

Next, a few bits from From the National Geographic Special:

Dr. Patrick Curry - "I think Tolkien himself, personally, was quite pessimistic, but I think there's hope in the books. This is a phrase Tolkien used, by the way: 'hope without guarantees'. A very good description of what his book offers. Despair is for people who know, beyond any doubt, what the future is going to be. Nobody is in that position. So despair is not only a kind of sin, theologically, it's also a simple mistake, because nobody actually knows; in that sense, there is always hope. "

Tom Shippey:
"When people say that this kind of fantasy fiction is escapist and evading the real world and so on, well, I think that's an evasion. It's actually trying to confront something that most people would rather not confront. "

Philippa Boyens:
"You can waste a lot of time = and we did, we did do this, we wasted a lot of time trying to bring so much of the world to life, trying to explain some of the cultures such as Dwarves - and what we discovered is if you want to explain to an audience about the culture of the Dwarves, you cast John Rhys Davies as the Dwarf, and he'll tell you. He'll show you. He'll bring that culture to life for you. "
~ - ~

Next-to-finally, if you're still here, here's a cookie in the style of AE (from an October entry):

A brief mention in an article from Boston.comís World News entitled ďIs it Tolkien or Isnít It?Ē drops a bombshell rumor at the end of the second page that otherwise has nothing to do with movies. The author of the article quotes David Brawn, publishing director of HarperCollins UK, as saying that multiple studios have approached the Tolkien Estate in regards to filming rights for The Children of Hurin. Not a big surprise at all, in my mind, who wouldnít want to get the rights to what surely would be a summer blockbuster movie (whether they stayed true to the book or not.) What was surprising whas that Mr. Brawn also said that the Tolkien Estate did not turn down the offers, merely postponed responding until after the bookís release in April.

Iím all for a movie being made of The Children of Hurin. I have always thought that The Silmarillion would make an awful movie, but very small portions of it (Beren and Luthienís story, for example) would make an excellent transition to the big screen. Iíd want the movie to remain more faithful to the book than the Peter Jackson movies did, but I enjoyed PJís work as a movie trilogy - the good bits please me much more than the hideous bits bug me. I am all for the Tolkien Estate capitalizing on the creations of Prof. Tolkien - I think the deal that Tolkien made when he sold the film and ancillary rights to Saul Zaentz was done in good faith at the time, but has grown into a vastly unfair business deal. More power to the Estate if they want to reap some more of the rewards than they have been able to in the past. I am sure that they will be in a position to negotiate a film deal where executive producer type control over the film production could be under their control. I hope they do sign a deal, I will be in the party line (donít know if I can camp out) to see the premiere.

~ - ~
~ - ~
~ - ~

And, finally, that parody. Don't worry, it's short.

Black Hand
Based on The Beatles' "Tax Man"
("The Black Hand" was one of the Dark Lord's monikers. Better than "You Know Who"...)

Let me tell you how it will be
Nine Rings for you and One for me
'Cause I'm the Black Hand - yeah, I'm the Black Hand
Should you carelessly misplace your steeds
Be thankful I have other breeds
'Cause I'm the Black Hand - yeah, I'm the Black Hand

If you grow too fast, I'll blight your girth
If you try to laugh, I'll blight your mirth
If you rise too high, I'll blight your worth
If I find my Ring, I'll blight Middle-earth

Don't ask me what I want it for
Let's just say I thrive on war
'Cause I'm the Black Hand - yeah, I'm the Black Hand

Now, my advice for men today
Remember those I've led astray
'Cause I'm the Black Hand - yeah, I'm the Black Hand
And you're working for no one but me...

Aerlinn's Law #17: "He who wants a rose must respect the thorn."
~~~~ Persian Proverb

"She who wants a Captain must respect the horn."
~~~B-Girl Proverb


Subject User Time
This is a mathom not only of sight and sound, but of mine. Aerlinn Send a private message to Aerlinn Jul 11 2007, 4:42am
    what a treasure trove!! weaver Send a private message to weaver Jul 11 2007, 5:26am
    Happy Torniversary! / Eledhwen Send a private message to Eledhwen Jul 11 2007, 6:47am
    Thank you very much. Penthe Send a private message to Penthe Jul 11 2007, 10:00am
    Happy TORniversary to you! Wynnie Send a private message to Wynnie Jul 11 2007, 12:29pm
    Happy Torniversary! Ginger Send a private message to Ginger Jul 11 2007, 1:32pm
    Many Happy Returns of your TORniversary! dernwyn Send a private message to dernwyn Jul 11 2007, 1:51pm
    *wild applause!!!* WOOHOO!!! Happy TORniversary!!! :D grammaboodawg Send a private message to grammaboodawg Jul 11 2007, 2:30pm
    Congratulations... Voorhas Send a private message to Voorhas Jul 11 2007, 3:23pm
    Many fun things in this mathom of yours... Patty Send a private message to Patty Jul 11 2007, 3:52pm
    Happy TORniversary! deej Send a private message to deej Jul 11 2007, 3:58pm
    Happy TORniversary!... diedye Send a private message to diedye Jul 11 2007, 5:33pm
    Happy TORNiversay! Aerin Send a private message to Aerin Jul 11 2007, 7:49pm
        So much for proofreading! / Aerin Send a private message to Aerin Jul 12 2007, 1:42am
            Proffredaing is higlhy overrremfacized // grammaboodawg Send a private message to grammaboodawg Jul 12 2007, 11:15pm
    Woot!! *streamers* Elven Send a private message to Elven Jul 11 2007, 8:26pm
    Happy TORniversary! Alassea Elensar Send a private message to Alassea Elensar Jul 11 2007, 8:39pm
    Happy TORniversary! Kimi Send a private message to Kimi Jul 11 2007, 11:41pm
    Woohoo! *tosses confetti* Ettelewen Send a private message to Ettelewen Jul 12 2007, 2:24am
    Happy TORNiversary, Aerlinn! Altaira Send a private message to Altaira Jul 12 2007, 2:57am
    Happy TORniversary! Finding Frodo Send a private message to Finding Frodo Jul 12 2007, 4:29am
    Ah, more wonderful reasons Ataahua Send a private message to Ataahua Jul 12 2007, 4:52am
    Happy TORNiversary! / GaladrielTX Send a private message to GaladrielTX Jul 12 2007, 5:26pm
    As promised, WELL DONE! AlassŽa Eruvande Send a private message to AlassŽa Eruvande Jul 13 2007, 3:43am
    Happylateandbelatedwishingsonyourtorniversary. silneldor Send a private message to silneldor Jul 13 2007, 10:34am
    Congrats on your fifth anniversary on TORN! elentari3018 Send a private message to elentari3018 Jul 15 2007, 4:38am
    wow that was - almost scary! Annael Send a private message to Annael Jul 15 2007, 3:55pm


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