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This is a mathom not only of sight and sound, but of mine.
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Jul 11 2007, 4:42am

Post #1 of 27 (406 views)
This is a mathom not only of sight and sound, but of mine. Can't Post

It's more or less my fifth TORniversary; as I say around this time every year, I have no idea just when I made my first post, but sometimeinJuly is the best I've been able to figure. So, as mathom, a few things that fit the actual definition of the word, and a parody which kind of does since I meant to post it aroud tax day and, er, didn't.
~ - ~ - ~

First, a small slew of Tolkien references I've run across in books and TV. This doesn't pretend to be a complete collection of all the Tolkien references there ever were; it's just the ones I've come across and either wrote down or remembered and was able to find. Or stumbled across looking for something else. I did think there were more...
~ - ~

Here's one you probably won't have seen. At the New York Renaissance Faire performs a group called Three Pints Shy. The leader of the band (<- gratuitous earwig) is one Chant McLeod, whom I have adored for years (since my best friend was his roommate). He is pure genius at improv, and currently he is making lovely use of that gift with the band in a few songs, including "In Heaven There Is No Beer", in which the audience throws out ideas of other things there are not in heaven, preferably things nothing rhymes with. Because he will have to rhyme them. And trust me, people prepare for this moment. But I digress: here is a small snippet, which can be called "In Heaven There Are No Hobbits". Ever so slightly risque. In my opinion, this and calling 911 are the only two things a cell phone is good for.
~ - ~

Another odd one: from Television Without Pity's "Hell's Kitchen" forum - "I don't like any of the men now. I thought Rock might be OK until he decided to play Gollum and refer to himself in the third person."
~ - ~

From the book The Gate of Ivory by Doris Egan

Background for this quote: the book is a sci-fi/fantasy in that the main character started out on another planet (Athena) and traveled to Ivory. Here she and her companions - her tall companions - have lost whatever transport they had and are of necessity starting off on foot for a destination quite a ways off. And to make matters worse, she's been on some form of birth control since she was of age to need it, and has never given it a second thought ... until now, when it's run out, with what must be the only mention of menses that I've ever seen in sci-fi/fantasy...

I thought about all those marvelous stories I'd read back on Athena, the legends I'd fallen in love with - the heroes setting off to seek firtune and adventure. Knights and damosels rode forth to do battle at castles perilous, and the damosels never had this problem. And hobbits and tall elves strode swiftly over the earth, and the hobbits never had any trouble keeping up. Of course, hobbits were supposed to have great endurance.

If only I were a hobbit. A male hobbit.
~ - ~

From the book Superior Death by Nevada Barr

Tattinger floated into view. With the regulator stretching his rubbery lips and the mask maximizing his watery eyes he put Anna in mind of Gollum, the pale underearth creature that gave Bilbo Baggins the willies.

There was another one in there somewhere, but my sister has the book, and I never fished it out. Oops.
~ - ~

Craig Kilborn - part of his series "To [ ] With Love" - To Elijah Wood With Love (probably not quoted exactly; I scribbled down what I remembered. There was a lot more to it than this, as well.) Probably circa 2003.

"When I look into your eyes, all things seem possible. But then I can see your eyes from my house. They're huge. ... I see great things for you - but I'm sure you see much further than I do..."
~ - ~

from the book A Letter of Mary by Laurie R. King
Mary Russell stops in at the Bird and Baby:
"Had a nice chat with a few friends over a pie and a pint, and met an odd man named Tolkien, a reader in English literature at Leeds who has a passion for early Anglo-Saxon poetry and runes and such."

- Chapter 19, Russell describing her day in Oxford to Holmes.
~ - ~

from the book A Point of Honor by Dorothy J. Heydt
"If I ever get to the stage where I'm self-sufficient - energy, food and water, money - what do I do then? Sit down on my pile like Smaug and grow old?"
~ - ~

Gilmore Girls

- had quite a few:

Season 3 - "Here Comes the Son"
Jess goes looking for his father, and ends up hip deep in dogs.

[a dog starts barking]

JESS: Jess Marian -

SASHA: Frodo, back off now! I'm sorry, what were you saying?

SASHA: I'm Sasha. This is Angus, Chowder, Rufus, Legolas, Caligula, Mudball, General Lee, Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis and Spot. Jimmy's not here right now.
~ - ~

More Season 3 - "Keg! Max!" [This is from the "Keg!" part of the story: teenage boys who really shouldn't be drinking beer, in so many ways]

KYLE: Oh, oh, and the part where Gimli the Dwarf is riding his horse, then Legolas grabs the front straps and swings himself up on top of it.

RICK: Dude, dude, that was awesome!


KYLE: Oh, oh, and at the end when the tree is on fire and then he puts himself out in the flood. Oh!
~ - ~

Season 4 Had one whole storyline from an episode called "The Hobbit, the Sofa and Digger Stiles". Lorelai was apparently catering at that point; I have no memory of this place, myself.

LORELAI: [answers phone] They burnt my fries, forgot to give me an extra side of barbecue sauce, the jeep is making that crunchy sound again, and I have to spend my evening making elf ears for Aaron Thompson's Lord of the Rings party.

LORELAI: Okay, we've got costumes, we're got cutouts, we've got rings, ladies and gentlemen. We've got fairy necklaces, we've got tree heads. I'm picking up table decorations tomorrow. Oh, do you need me to order a Lord of the Rings cake?

SOOKIE: The cake is under control.

[Fairy necklaces. Oh well.]

[Lorelai is talking to a little boy]

LORELAI: No, seriously, give me the ring.

ROGER: No way.

LORELAI: Five bucks.


LORELAI: Just let me hold it.

ROGER: Forget it.

LORELAI: Come on, I promise I'll give it right back, my precious. I mean, Roger.

ROGER: You're crazy.

LORELAI: What? You're the one with the pointy ears, my friend.

[A woman walks two more boys over to Lorelai]

HELEN: Here we go. I'd like you to meet Redmond and Riley James.

LORELAI: Redmond, Riley, nice to meet you. I'm Julie, your cruise director. I'm here to help you with your costumes.

REDMOND: I want to be Legolas.

RILEY: I want to be Gimli.

REDMOND: I want to be Gimli, too.

LORELAI: Okay, two Gimlis coming up.

BOY: Lorelai, my hood is loose!

REDMOND: Her name is Julie, stupid.

BOY: No, it's not, retard!

LORELAI: Hey, hey, hey.

RILEY: She just told us her name was Julie. She's our cruise director.

BOY: What's a cruise director?

REDMOND: I don't know, but you fart with your face.

LORELAI: Hey, love, guys. Love, okay? Lord of the Rings is all about the love.

BOY: Nuh uh, it's about the destruction of all mankind.

LORELAI: And who doesn't love that? You're fixed. Go play - lovingly.

HELEN: Lorelai, some of the kids are asking for swords. Did you bring swords?

LORELAI: Oh, no, I didn't.

HELEN: Oh, thank God. Oh, the Raymonds - I forgot we made up. Will you excuse me?

LORELAI: Absolutely.

[A little girl walks up to her]

GIRL: Riley said only boy hobbits can travel to Mount Doom. Is that true?

LORELAI: In the movie, only boy hobbits travel to Mount Doom, but that's only because the girls went to do something even more dangerous.

GIRL: What?

LORELAI: Have you ever heard of a Brazilian bikini wax?

SOOKIE: [calls from across the yard] Lorelai!

LORELAI: Oh, great, you're here.

GIRL: So girls go on adventures, too?

LORELAI: And they go in heels.

GIRL: Good.

SOOKIE: Are Rawley and Cheech here?

LORELAI: Yup, they've been chopping away for an hour.

SOOKIE: Perfect. Wow, there is a full house, isn't there? You have enough costumes?

LORELAI: We're good - the screen's up, the tables are set, and four kids are crying, so we're right on schedule.

SOOKIE: Well, I better get in the kitchen.

LORELAI: All right, because it's coming up on elevenses and the hobbits are hungry, right?

KIDS: Right!

SOOKIE: I'm going, I'm going.

MAN: Hey, who wants a sword?



SOOKIE: But where were the tablecloths?

LORELAI: Right here. There.

SOOKIE: They're paper.

LORELAI: Yes, they are.

SOOKIE: And there's monsters on them.

LORELAI: No, they're Lord of the Rings characters, which is rather appropriate since this is a Lord of the Rings party.
~ - ~

Season 4 again - "The Incredible Shrinking Lorelais"
PARIS: I'll tell you my problem, Andre. Last time you sat on our couch, your mesomorphic frame carved a four-foot crater in it. I felt like I was sitting in a bucket.

JANET: You're so full of it, Paris.

PARIS: Kids were skateboarding up and down it. Gandalf the Grey is still falling down it. It was a big hole.

ANDRE: [to Janet] What does mesomorphic mean?

PARIS: It means you've got a fat ass, pal.
~ - ~

Season 5 - "Written in the Stars"
Lorelai is brought to Luke's favorite restaurant, a place called Sniffy's.

Lorelai: Wow, very Prancing Pony.
~ - ~

Also Season 5 - "But I'm A Gilmore"

[Luke and Lorelai relax on the couch. Luke is nearly asleep. Lorelai flips through channels on the T.V.]

LORELAI: Does it seem like Frodo is on every fricking channel to you, or is it just me?
~ - ~

And again - "Pulp Friction"

[Luke stares at Zach. Zach un-crumples some bills and places them on the table.]

ZACH: Thatís all Iíve got, man.

[Luke glares and heads back to the counter.]

ZACH [to Lane]: His eyes. Red, like the fires of Mordor.

LANE: Go, go. Iíll see you later, and keep low!
~ - ~

And Season 6 - "I Get A Sidekick Out of You"

Lorelai: Fracking Celine Dion.

[No, I know, that was a BG reference. But it amuses me deeply, in several directions.]
~ - ~

And here's Television Without Pity again, one of the GG threads:

"Personally, I'm a sucker for any Lord of the Rings references they toss at me. When Lorelai said "and since I'm currently one of the women sitting at home thinking 'If only I could find a man like Aragorn' he picked me.' I thought, 'Me too, Lorelai. Me too.' Actually, I was really thinking, 'If only I could find a man like Legolas,' but Aragorn's hot too. And Faramir...and Eomer...Pippin's pretty hot for a hobbit..."

Silly female. No taste at all. No Boromir?
~ - ~

On another note entirely, I stumbled on this review somewhere, by "Iamshort830@....com", and it tickled me for some reason:
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. 4 1/2 stars.
"I loved this book. It was good. I loved how there was suspense in the book. J.R.R. Tolkien knows how to write. I enjoyed this book. Iím glad the hobbit returned safely."
~ - ~

Next, a few bits from From the National Geographic Special:

Dr. Patrick Curry - "I think Tolkien himself, personally, was quite pessimistic, but I think there's hope in the books. This is a phrase Tolkien used, by the way: 'hope without guarantees'. A very good description of what his book offers. Despair is for people who know, beyond any doubt, what the future is going to be. Nobody is in that position. So despair is not only a kind of sin, theologically, it's also a simple mistake, because nobody actually knows; in that sense, there is always hope. "

Tom Shippey:
"When people say that this kind of fantasy fiction is escapist and evading the real world and so on, well, I think that's an evasion. It's actually trying to confront something that most people would rather not confront. "

Philippa Boyens:
"You can waste a lot of time = and we did, we did do this, we wasted a lot of time trying to bring so much of the world to life, trying to explain some of the cultures such as Dwarves - and what we discovered is if you want to explain to an audience about the culture of the Dwarves, you cast John Rhys Davies as the Dwarf, and he'll tell you. He'll show you. He'll bring that culture to life for you. "
~ - ~

Next-to-finally, if you're still here, here's a cookie in the style of AE (from an October entry):

A brief mention in an article from Boston.comís World News entitled ďIs it Tolkien or Isnít It?Ē drops a bombshell rumor at the end of the second page that otherwise has nothing to do with movies. The author of the article quotes David Brawn, publishing director of HarperCollins UK, as saying that multiple studios have approached the Tolkien Estate in regards to filming rights for The Children of Hurin. Not a big surprise at all, in my mind, who wouldnít want to get the rights to what surely would be a summer blockbuster movie (whether they stayed true to the book or not.) What was surprising whas that Mr. Brawn also said that the Tolkien Estate did not turn down the offers, merely postponed responding until after the bookís release in April.

Iím all for a movie being made of The Children of Hurin. I have always thought that The Silmarillion would make an awful movie, but very small portions of it (Beren and Luthienís story, for example) would make an excellent transition to the big screen. Iíd want the movie to remain more faithful to the book than the Peter Jackson movies did, but I enjoyed PJís work as a movie trilogy - the good bits please me much more than the hideous bits bug me. I am all for the Tolkien Estate capitalizing on the creations of Prof. Tolkien - I think the deal that Tolkien made when he sold the film and ancillary rights to Saul Zaentz was done in good faith at the time, but has grown into a vastly unfair business deal. More power to the Estate if they want to reap some more of the rewards than they have been able to in the past. I am sure that they will be in a position to negotiate a film deal where executive producer type control over the film production could be under their control. I hope they do sign a deal, I will be in the party line (donít know if I can camp out) to see the premiere.

~ - ~
~ - ~
~ - ~

And, finally, that parody. Don't worry, it's short.

Black Hand
Based on The Beatles' "Tax Man"
("The Black Hand" was one of the Dark Lord's monikers. Better than "You Know Who"...)

Let me tell you how it will be
Nine Rings for you and One for me
'Cause I'm the Black Hand - yeah, I'm the Black Hand
Should you carelessly misplace your steeds
Be thankful I have other breeds
'Cause I'm the Black Hand - yeah, I'm the Black Hand

If you grow too fast, I'll blight your girth
If you try to laugh, I'll blight your mirth
If you rise too high, I'll blight your worth
If I find my Ring, I'll blight Middle-earth

Don't ask me what I want it for
Let's just say I thrive on war
'Cause I'm the Black Hand - yeah, I'm the Black Hand

Now, my advice for men today
Remember those I've led astray
'Cause I'm the Black Hand - yeah, I'm the Black Hand
And you're working for no one but me...

Aerlinn's Law #17: "He who wants a rose must respect the thorn."
~~~~ Persian Proverb

"She who wants a Captain must respect the horn."
~~~B-Girl Proverb



Jul 11 2007, 5:26am

Post #2 of 27 (265 views)
what a treasure trove!! [In reply to] Can't Post

Thanks for all those goodies..and for being such a treasure around here yourself!

Happy anniversary!

**goes back to reading mathom, the heck with the work I'm supposed to be doing...**


Forum Admin / Moderator

Jul 11 2007, 6:47am

Post #3 of 27 (250 views)
Happy Torniversary! / [In reply to] Can't Post


Marlborough vineyards on a sunny winter's day.



Jul 11 2007, 10:00am

Post #4 of 27 (253 views)
Thank you very much. [In reply to] Can't Post

Happy Torniversary. Thanks for sharing the jocularity. I think I will have to buy those Gilmore Girls DVDs from the supermarket after all.


Jul 11 2007, 12:29pm

Post #5 of 27 (257 views)
Happy TORniversary to you! [In reply to] Can't Post

I love running across Tolkien references. Thanks for sharing your collection; it's started my day off with a smile! Loved the parody too.

To the Sea, to the Sea! The white gulls are crying,
The wind is blowing, and the white foam is flying.


Jul 11 2007, 1:32pm

Post #6 of 27 (247 views)
Happy Torniversary! [In reply to] Can't Post

Thanks for the references. I always like coming across them. Great parody. And great footer too.

Forum Admin / Moderator

Jul 11 2007, 1:51pm

Post #7 of 27 (244 views)
Many Happy Returns of your TORniversary! [In reply to] Can't Post

Ah, so nice to see Three Pints Shy again (if only briefly)!

Tolkien, Tolkien everywhere...don't you love running across these little references? Thank you for the trove! The "Letter of Mary" one is a delight, and there's got to have been a geek on the writing staff of Gilmore Girls.

Okay, you've done your usual parody par excellence with "Black Hand". But is there such a thing as an "eyewig", like an "earwig"? When reading it - okay, singing along with it - I kept envisioning that picture of a certain Chief Executive wearing a suspicious gold band with strange writing on it...

"Only I hear the stones lament them: deep they delved us, fair they wrought us, high they builded us; but they are gone. They are gone. They sought the Havens long ago."
(Avatar pic: The Calanais stones, Isle of Lewis)

"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915


Jul 11 2007, 2:30pm

Post #8 of 27 (246 views)
*wild applause!!!* WOOHOO!!! Happy TORniversary!!! :D [In reply to] Can't Post

As usual, you never disappoint! What a Fantastic Mathom!!!

You are one of the people here that makes this place so much fun! Thank you... and HAPPY DAY!!!

sample sample
Trust him... The Hobbit is coming!

"Barney Snow was here." ~Hug like a hobbit!~ "In my heaven..."

TORn's Observations Lists


Jul 11 2007, 3:23pm

Post #9 of 27 (240 views)
Congratulations... [In reply to] Can't Post

...and many thanks for these! Definitely made me smile.


Jul 11 2007, 3:52pm

Post #10 of 27 (239 views)
Many fun things in this mathom of yours... [In reply to] Can't Post

happy TORNniversary, cuz, and many many more.

Riding with the Rohirrim!

Tol Eressea

Jul 11 2007, 3:58pm

Post #11 of 27 (234 views)
Happy TORniversary! [In reply to] Can't Post

My roommate loves 'Gilmore Girls' but I really haven't seen it yet. With all those geeky references I guess I need to check it out!

Sincerely, deej - The Artist Formerly Known as djdeathskiss

Atlanta Woot! Moot 2007 - Join us Labor Day weekend; go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/atlanta_woot_moot/

Grey Havens

Jul 11 2007, 5:33pm

Post #12 of 27 (231 views)
Happy TORniversary!... [In reply to] Can't Post

I love the Gilmore Girls! Laugh

Grey Havens

Jul 11 2007, 7:49pm

Post #13 of 27 (237 views)
Happy TORNiversay! [In reply to] Can't Post

I actually remember when you first showed up, because when you saw my nick, you expressed concern about having picked one so similar to mine -- but I don't think anyone has ever mixed us up!


Jul 11 2007, 8:26pm

Post #14 of 27 (231 views)
Woot!! *streamers* [In reply to] Can't Post

Happy Anniversary Aerlinn!!
What a way to start my day!!
Excellent stuff!!
.. and your footer cracked me up! Laugh

Heart Elven x

SILVERCHAIRS Daniel Johns gets the crowd going at the 'Big Day Out Festival' at Minas Tirith before Denethors famous stage dive.

Tolkien was a Capricorn!
..*sing & sway* "All we are saying ..Is Give Pete A Chance" ...
"Your friends are with you Peter"

Alassea Elensar

Jul 11 2007, 8:39pm

Post #15 of 27 (226 views)
Happy TORniversary! [In reply to] Can't Post

This was just what I needed to brighten a somewhat grey day. Smile Thanks for posting this amazing collection.

You always have the *best* mathoms! And parodies! And your footers are pretty good, too. Wink

Congratulations! Hope you're around for many more years to come. Heart

Forum Admin / Moderator

Jul 11 2007, 11:41pm

Post #16 of 27 (226 views)
Happy TORniversary! [In reply to] Can't Post

And thanks for the awesome mathoms.

Promises to Keep: a novel set in 19th Century New Zealand.

The Passing of Mistress Rose

Do we find happiness so often that we should turn it off the box when it happens to sit there?

- A Room With a View

Grey Havens

Jul 12 2007, 1:42am

Post #17 of 27 (216 views)
So much for proofreading! / [In reply to] Can't Post



Jul 12 2007, 2:24am

Post #18 of 27 (218 views)
Woohoo! *tosses confetti* [In reply to] Can't Post

Love those quotes. It's funny how these references have become part of pop culture - would Prof. Tolkien be appalled or cheered?

I'm reading a novel right now about a colonization of Mars. Their first encampment is named Underhill... :-)

Superuser / Moderator

Jul 12 2007, 2:57am

Post #19 of 27 (220 views)
Happy TORNiversary, Aerlinn! [In reply to] Can't Post

Ooooh, what a great idea for a mathom! Those were very interesting and entertaining. Smile Loved the parody too. I miss them!

Koru: Maori symbol representing a fern frond as it opens. The koru reaches towards the light, striving for perfection, encouraging new, positive beginnings.

"All we have to decide is what to do with the boards that are given to us"

"I take a moment to fervently hope that the camaradarie and just plain old fun I found at TORn will never end" -- LOTR_nutcase

TORn Calendar

Finding Frodo
Tol Eressea

Jul 12 2007, 4:29am

Post #20 of 27 (215 views)
Happy TORniversary! [In reply to] Can't Post

Love the "Black Hand" parody. One of your best, I think!

Where's Frodo?

Superuser / Moderator

Jul 12 2007, 4:52am

Post #21 of 27 (217 views)
Ah, more wonderful reasons [In reply to] Can't Post

to *heart* The Gilmore Girls.

Fab mathom Aerlinn! And happy TORNiversary. :)

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauronís master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.

Ataahua's stories

Tol Eressea

Jul 12 2007, 5:26pm

Post #22 of 27 (203 views)
Happy TORNiversary! / [In reply to] Can't Post



Coming up with reasons for changing my nick from GaladrielTX to Galadriel wore me out.


Jul 12 2007, 11:15pm

Post #23 of 27 (202 views)
Proffredaing is higlhy overrremfacized // [In reply to] Can't Post


sample sample
Trust him... The Hobbit is coming!

"Barney Snow was here." ~Hug like a hobbit!~ "In my heaven..."

TORn's Observations Lists

AlassŽa Eruvande

Jul 13 2007, 3:43am

Post #24 of 27 (209 views)
As promised, WELL DONE! [In reply to] Can't Post

Sorry I'm a little late. You've really outdone yourself! Don't ever go away!
Happy TORniversary, chicklet!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

And suddenly the Ainur saw afar off a light, as it were a cloud with a living heart of flame.


Jul 13 2007, 10:34am

Post #25 of 27 (206 views)
Happylateandbelatedwishingsonyourtorniversary. [In reply to] Can't Post

 That comes from the three of us here It was quite a bit of fun going through all your 'delvings' from the attic. You do manage to keep quite buzy (correct spelling in the world according to harvey) and productive, for the benefit of us all i must add.
The RenFaire ribaldry is a gas and so is the experience of the whole event. I cannot remember having so much fun at an event. That goes for the three of us here:).
Thank you for everything.

"Tolkien, like Lewis, believed that, through story, the real world would become a more magical place, full of meaning. We see its patterns and colors in a fresh way. The recovery of a true view of the world applies both to individual things, like hills and stones, and to the cosmic - the depths of space and time itself. For in sub-creation, in Tolkien's view, there is a "survey" of space and time. Reality is captured on a miniature scale. Through stories like The Lord of the Rings, a renewed view of things is given, illuminating the homely, the spiritial, the physical, and the moral dimensions of the world."

Tolkien and C.S. Lewis- The Gift of Friendship -Duriez

daffobombadils crash Lorien

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