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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Reading Room:
The Unofficial Bored of the Rings Discussion: Chapter V, "SOME MONSTERS" part IV

dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Dec 6 2010, 1:38am

Post #1 of 11 (1105 views)
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The Unofficial Bored of the Rings Discussion: Chapter V, "SOME MONSTERS" part IV Can't Post

Keebler Elves, they ain't!


Quote
The stairs ran along a syrupy stream in which large gobs of multicolored goo were ominously bobbing. Legolam stopped and spat in it wistfully.

"It is the Spumoni," he explained, "beloved of the Elves. Do not drink of it--it causes cavities."

The company hastened on into the shallow valley and in less than an hour stood on the west bank of the river Nesseirode, which the dwarves call Nazalspray. Arrowroot signaled for a halt. The steps that had led down the mountain came to an abrupt end at the river's edge, and on either side of the narrow way the hills sloped off into wide, barren plains filled with wind gods, dolphins in sailor hats, and street directories.

"I fear that we have come to an uncharted region," said Arrowroot, peering under his hand into the distance. "Alas, that Goodgulf is not here to guide us."

"These are indeed tough bananas," agreed Bromosel.

"Yonder lies Lornadoon, land of the Gone Elves," said Legolam, pointing across the river to a scruffy-looking forest of dutch elms and knotty pines. "Goodgulf would have surely led us there."

Bromosel dipped a foot into the oozing river, and a fish stick and a side order of fried clams leaped into the air.

"Sorcery!" cried Gimlet as a tunaburger flew past his ear. "Witchcraft! Deviltry! Isolationism! Free silver!"

"Aye," said Legolam, "the river is under a spell, for it is named after the fair elf-maid Nesselrode who had the hots for Menthol, God of After-Dinner Drinks. But the evil Oxydol, Goddess of Quick Tricks and Small Slams, appeared to her in the shape of a five-iron and told her that Menthol was twotiming with the Princess Phisohex, daughter of King Sano. At this Nesselrode became wroth and swore a great oath to kick Phisohex in the gut and get her mother, Cinerama, Goddess of Short-Term Loans, to turn Menthol into an erector set. But Menthol got wind of the plot and came to Nesselrode in the guise of a refrigerator, turned her into a river, and went west to sell encyclopedias. Even now, in the spring, the river softly cries, 'Menthol, Menthol, you are one wazoo. One day I'm the elf next door and then poof I'm a river. You stink.' And the wind answers, 'Phooey.'

"A sad story," said Frito. "Is it true?"

"No," said Legolam. "There's a song, too," and he began to sing:

"An elvin-maid there was of old,
A stenographer by day;
Her hair was fake, her teeth were gold,
Her scent was that of cheap sachet.
She thought that art was really 'keen,'
The top ten she could hum;
Her eyes were full of Maybelline,
Her mouth, of chewing gum.
Her head was full of men and clothes,
Her hair, of ratted curls;
Her legs she wrapped in fine Sup-Hose,
For nights out with the girls.
She met one morn an elvin-lad,
Who took her to the fights,
And said he owned a spacious pad,
And went to law school nights.
And so that night she gave her all
In back of his sedan;
So rich, she thought, so sharp and tall,
A perfect family man.
But then he told her with a smirk,
That he loved another,
And was a part-time postal clerk
And lived home with his mother.
A silver tear rolled down her cheek
As she bussed home by herself;
The same thing happened twice last week,
(Oh, Heaven help the Working-elf!)

"It is best that we cross before nightfall," said Arrowroot finally. "There are tales of fungo bats and bloodsucking umpires in these parts." Picking up his toilet kit, he waded into the soupy water, and the company followed behind. The water was nowhere more than a few feet deep, and the boggies had little difficulty making their way across.

"This is indeed a queer river," said Bromosel, as the water lapped at his thighs.


Still with us? Haven't given up yet? Good, good...Evil

1. How does the story of Nesselrode compare with the story of Nimrodel?

2. How does Legolam's song compare with the story of Nimrodel?

3. Arrowroot's toilet kit! Wasn't Legolas supposed to be "the prettiest"?

4. No comment on that last sentence. However, I do personally like the "bloodsucking umpires", I've seen some in action...




Quote
On the far bank of the river they found a thick strand of dead trees covered with signs in Elveranto which said, COME TO FABULOUS ELF VILLAGE, VISIT THE SNAKE FARM, DON'T MISS SANTA'S WORKSHOP, and HELP KEEP OUR FOREST ENCHANTED!

"Lalornadoon, Lalornadoon," sighed Legolam, "wonder of Lower Middle Earth!"

At that, a door in the trunk of a large tree opened, revealing a small room filled with postcard racks, loudly clicking cuckoo clocks, and boxes of maple-sugar candies. A greasy-looking elf slipped out from behind a taffy machine.

"Welcome wagon," he said, bowing low. "I am Pentel."

"Come hither, conastoga," said Legolam.

"Well, well, well," said the elf, coughing importantly, "we are a bit out of season, aren't we?"

"We're just passing through," said Arrowroot.

"No matter," said Pentel. "Plenty to see, plenty to see. On the left, your petrified tree, to the right your Echo Rock and your Natural Bridge, and just ahead your Old Wishing Well."

"We've come from Doria," Arrowroot continued. "We're on our way to Fordor."

The elf blanched. "I hope you've enjoyed your visit to Lornadoon, Land of Magic," he said quickly, and handing them a sheaf of folders and pack-horse stickers, he leaped into the tree and slammed and bolted the door.

"These are troubled times," said Arrowroot.

Legolam opened one of the folders and pored over a map. "It isn't far to the Elf Village," he said finally, "and unless the place has changed hands, Orlon's kin, Cellophane and the Lady Lavalier, still dwell there."

"Elves," grumbled Spam. "Now I'm not saying Sorhed is right, but I'm not a-saying he's wrong, neither, if you get my drift."

"Shut up," said Legolam gravely.


5. Welcome wagon? Conastoga? Get it? No?

6. It has been wondered how the Elves earned money in Middle-earth. Now we know!

7. Those who believe in "revisionist Elves" no doubt appreciate Spam's comment.



Quote
After a hasty meal of frankincense and myrrh, the company set off down a wide path which Legolam identified on the map as Horror Lane, and from time to time mechanical dragons and goblins lurched unsteadily from rubber shrubs and yawned and grunted. But even the boggies remained unperturbed by these assaults, and in a few short hours the travelers arrived at the edge of a small grove of very petrified-looking trees from whose oddly symmetrical branches heavily corroded copper leaves dropped in unconvincing bunches.

As they stood wondering, the head of an elf-maid appeared at a bay window in the nearest tree and cried in the ancient tongue of the elves: "Greetings ye olde wayfarers."

"Are there any more at home like you?" said Legolam, making the correct reply.

A moment later the door to the great tree swung open, and a short elf stepped out. "Cellophane and Lavalier await you abovestairs," he said, and led the company into the wide trunk. The tree was completely hollow, and the inside was covered with brick-design wallpaper. A circular staircase led through a hole in the ceiling to an upper story, and the elf motioned for them to ascend the narrow steps. As they reached the top, they found themselves in a room decorated much as the one below, but brightly lit by great wagon-wheel chandeliers which hung from the lofty roof. On a pair of tree stumps at the end of the room sat Cellophane and Lavalier, arrayed in rich muslin.

"Welcome to Lornadoon," said Lavalier, rising slowly to her feet, and it seemed to the company that she was as fair as a young sapling or scrub oak. She had magnificent chestnut hair, and when she shook her head, handfuls of magnificent chestnuts dropped to the floor like rain. Frito toyed with the Ring and wondered at her great beauty. As he stood, as if in a trance, Lavalier turned to him and saw him toying with the Ring and wondering at her great beauty.

"I see, Frito," she said, "that as you toy with the Ring, you wonder at my great beauty."

Frito gasped.

"Do not fear," she said, solemnly tweaking his nose. "Nasties we're not."

Cellophane then rose and greeted each of the travelers in turn, and motioning for them to sit down on the rubber toadstools arranged around the room, bid them tell the tale of their adventures.

Arrowroot cleared his throat. "Once upon a time," he began.

"Call me Ishmael," said Gimlet.

"Whanne in Aprille," started Legolam.

"Hear me, oh Muse," commenced Bromosel.

After some discussion, Frito told the whole story of the Ring, Dildo's party, the Black Schleppers, the Caucus of Orlon, Doria, and Goodgulf's untimely passing.

"Woodja, woodja, woo," said Cellophane sadly when Frito had finished.

Lavalier sighed deeply. "Your journey is long and hard," she said.

"Yes," said Cellophane, "you bear a great burden."

"Your enemies are powerful and merciless," said Lavalier.

"You have much to fear," said Cellophane.

"You leave at dawn," said Lavalier.


8. A circular staircase! Jackson had it right, all along!

9. Isn't that one of the greatest puns, about the chestnut hair?

10. What do you think of Lavalier's mind-reading?

11. Can you name the stories from which those four opening lines were taken?



Quote
After a hearty feast of cherubim and seraphim, Cellophane and Lavalier showed the weary travelers to rooms in a small tree nearby, and as Frito was preparing to enter, Lavalier drew him aside and brought him to a sheltered vale nearby, in the center of which stood a soiled birdbath in which a pair of sparrows were floating upside down.

"Poison," explained Lavalier, flinging the feathered corpora into the bushes. "It's the only thing that even slows them down." Thereupon she spat into the water, and a goldfish leaped into the air and cried, "Give me your sevens."

At that she leaned over the surface and whispered, "Wilmot Proviso," and the water began to boil, filling the air with a light odor of beef gumbo. Then it seemed to Frito that the surface became smooth, and there appeared the picture of a man squirting something into his nose.

"Commercials," said Lavalier irritably.

In a moment the water cleared, and there came scenes of elves and dwarves dancing in the streets, wild revels in Minas Troney, happy debauches in the Sty, a large bronze statue of Sorhed being melted into tie clips, and finally Frito himself sitting on a pile of costume jewelry and smiling broadly.

"This bodes well," declared Lavalier.

Frito rubbed his eyes and pinched himself. "Then it is not all black?" he asked.

"The bath of Lavalier never lies," said the Lady sternly, and leading Frito back to the rest of the company, disappeared in a heavy haze of Jungle Rape perfume.

Frito pinched himself one last time, then stumbled into the treehouse and fell into a deep sleep.

The surface of the basin remained black for a while, then flickered and showed the triumphant reception of the S. S. Titanic in New York Harbor, the repayment of the French war debt, and the inaugural ball of Harold Stassen.


12. Once again the movie imitates the parody, since Lavalier takes only Frito to the Mirror Bath...hm, sounds like the start of a bad fanfic. What do you think Spam would have seen in the Bath?

13. That device doesn't exactly have the best track record, does it!

Next: Gathering the lychee nuts


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915




squire
Half-elven


Dec 13 2010, 8:49pm

Post #2 of 11 (832 views)
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Satyrs who live with their Moms, and other beloved nonsense [In reply to] Can't Post

1. How does the story of Nesselrode compare with the story of Nimrodel?
The story resembles Classical mythology in a way that Tolkien’s stories never quite do. Eerily, I quite recently compiled some samples from Ovid wherein a maiden becomes a stream or a fountain, to see if there were any points of comparison with Nimrodel. One poster said that the exercise reminds us of just how family-friendly and white-bread (read: neutered and bowdlerized; sexless) Tolkien’s mythology is.

As such, then, Legolam’s Tale of Nesselrode is more a spoof of Bullfinch’s Mythology than it is a spoof of Tolkien. The complex plotting and cross-plotting of minor gods, goddesses, and princesses, each with a formal cognomen (Goddess of Quick Tricks and Small Slams!) builds and builds until the final act of heartbreak and tragedy occurs. But the whole thing is a bathetic romance in classic ‘Poon style, spoofing the oldest tragedy in the world with every name a reference to the peculiar (and now fast fading) commercialized lifestyle of the mid-60s American suburbs.

One could offer, if one wanted to be hooted out of the Reading Room, the thought that BotR’s authors miss their mark here: Tolkien’s mythology is not like the mainstream classical mythologies we were raised on. He is more about Norse fricatives, and less about dryads being seduced by satyrs, whether they live with their Moms or not.

2. How does Legolam's song compare with the story of Nimrodel?
The Working-elf of the song is never named, but in context we may decide she too is Nesselrode. If we assume that the song is about the same myth as the tale, we are given a strong clue (“Is it true?” “No.”) that the song is the actual story of what took place. And what a difference! Nesselrode, instead of being a strong womanly figure who plots physical revenge on both her faithless lover and the other woman, is a sap, a clueless airhead. The elf-maid Nesselrode in the tale schemes to seduce Menthol; the elvin-maid is seduced, and “gives her all”. We might even conclude that Nesselrode’s transformation into a river symbolizes an eternal virginity – in complete contrast to the elvin-disgrace of coming to womanhood and love for one false moment, only then to be undeceived and end one’s romantic dream by taking the late bus home. Perhaps the “silver tear” is the only remaining textual link between the two versions?

It is a clever twist on the genres of mythology and modern fiction that the “modern” and “true” version of the story, with all its immature and frivolous personalities, is told in classic verse (matching Tolkien’s original and eccentric scansion exactly, by the way); while the older? elevated? legendary? version with its classical divinities and mature if two-timing adults is told in prose. Ovid, of course, wrote in verse.

And the final obvious question, so often asked by the BotR-studies types and even the mainstream critics: Is “Heaven help the Working-elf!” a clue that the poor girl, having lost her innocence, soon descends further, even to joining the oldest profession? No, I really don’t think so. I think “Working-elf” as a joke for “working girl” is being played straight, in its sense of young women in the corporate workforce who are supporting themselves while keeping an eye out for Mr. Right.

3. Arrowroot's toilet kit! Wasn't Legolas supposed to be "the prettiest"?

I think toilet kit here is a joke on the conventions of camping for juveniles, a la the boy scouts or sleepaway camp.

4. No comment on that last sentence. However, I do personally like the "bloodsucking umpires", I've seen some in action...

Just guessing, but “lapping” water and “queer” in the English sense of peculiar seem to me to be another pair of Tolkienisms that the authors couldn’t resist making the obvious joke with. In just the previous scene or two, we had: “The ripples on the water grew and came closer; some were already lapping on the shore.” “Queer”, of course, is used extremely often in LotR, usually in rustic dialect by the hobbits and others, but also by the narrator at times.

5. Welcome wagon? Conastoga? Get it? No?
I never made that connection before, and so I never really got the conestoga joke. (Also devestated to see a spelling era in a genrally impecably-edited book.)

6. It has been wondered how the Elves earned money in Middle-earth. Now we know!

I love Lalornadoon. One, it riffs on the mystical hidden land of Lornadoon from (supposedly) Scottish legend. Two, as Legolam reminds us with his reference to Lower Middle Earth, it epitomizes all the cheesy roadside attractions of our youths vacationing on the interstate. Three, the jokes fly by at high speed: Elveranto for Esperanto; greasy-looking elf attendant coughing importantly, a type that goes back to Dickens if not further; the use of “your” as an article, the sheet-anchor of slippery sales talk; “pack-horse stickers” – since the running gag in the story is that travelers use pack-sheep, this is another instance where the real world momentarily intrudes for the sake of a uncluttered joke; “slammed and bolted the door” remains a comic rejectionist cliché whose usefulness cannot be overestimated, as per the end of this epic; using the folded map of the attraction to see how far the “Elf Village” is, along with its proprietors (“unless the place has changed hands”); Spam’s gag based on the ancient excuse for supporting Hitler against Stalin; and the classic conversation closer, so funny they will use it twice again, “Shut up.”

It is worth noting how many different cheesy roadside vacation destinations the authors manage to come up with for parodying the various stopping-places of the original Quest. What, for instance, is the difference between the book’s comic take on Lothlórien, and on Isengard, since both are variations on theme parks? How does Riv’n’dell compare to Lalornadoon? Is this eerie kind of accuracy as effortless as it seems?

7. Those who believe in "revisionist Elves" no doubt appreciate Spam's comment.
What kind of revisionism, exactly, did you have in mind?

8. A circular staircase! Jackson had it right, all along!
But he left out the brick-pattern wallpaper, and the wagon-wheel chandeliers.

9. Isn't that one of the greatest puns, about the chestnut hair?

Still holding out after forty years for Lavalier to moan “touch me, oh touch me” and open her eyes to the ceiling. Unashamedly.

10. What do you think of Lavalier's mind-reading?

I could do that. Which is the point, I guess. Some of Tolkien’s stuff is mind-bendingly obvious, when you cut through the atmospherics.

11. Can you name the stories from which those four opening lines were taken?
Arrowroot cleared his throat. "Once upon a time," he began.

Traditional, possibly started in a translation of Grimms’ Folk Tales or Hans Christian Andersen.
"Call me Ishmael," said Gimlet.

Moby-Dick, by Herman Melville.
"Whanne in Aprille," started Legolam.

The Canterbury Tales, by Geoffrey Chaucer.
"Hear me, oh Muse," commenced Bromosel.

I know it’s a traditional translation from Homer, but I don’t know if it’s the opening to the Iliad or the Odyssey.

I love the twist on the first time they use this joke, when Orlon shows them the door:
"So be it. You shall leave when the omens are right," said Orlon, consulting a pocket horoscope, "and unless I'm very much mistaken, they will be unmatched in half an hour."


12. Once again the movie imitates the parody, since Lavalier takes only Frito to the Mirror Bath...hm, sounds like the start of a bad fanfic. What do you think Spam would have seen in the Bath?
Certain reptilian pleasures, no doubt. Although that’s actually covered by “happy debauches in the Sty”, isn’t it?

13. That device doesn't exactly have the best track record, does it!
The closing scenes of history’s happy endings that never were, reminds me of the fake newspaper these guys (or their successors at the Lampoon) put out in the mid-70s, I think it was. The New York Herald Tribune (i.e, not the Times) front page was filled with stories like the Lusitania’s last voyage after 60 years of well-loved transatlantic service; a feature on Palestine as the Switzerland of the Middle-east where Christian, Arab, and Jew lived in political harmony; and for all I remember, the election of Harold Stassen and the repayment of the French war debt was in there too.

Like Hawley-Smoot, we see that Wilmot Proviso gets a double workout in BotR. I admire here the irresistible diminution of the Mirror of Galadriel, performed with such economy: “soiled” instead of “silver”, poisoned sparrows, “spat” instead of “breathed”, the basin “growing hot with curls of steam” logically leading to (wait for it) beef gumbo (ba-ding!), the Fish-playing goldfish, the inevitability of commercials in any kind of “television” device. And note the foreshadowing of Minas Troney, just at the point in the book where Minas Tirith starts to loom in the story.

Costume jewelry, indeed. It never stops!



squire online:
RR Discussions: The Valaquenta, A Shortcut to Mushrooms, and Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit
Lights! Action! Discuss on the Movie board!: 'A Journey in the Dark'. and 'Designing The Two Towers'.
Footeramas: The 3rd (and NOW the 4th too!) TORn Reading Room LotR Discussion; and "Tolkien would have LOVED it!"
squiretalk introduces the J.R.R. Tolkien Encyclopedia: A Reader's Diary


= Forum has no new posts. Forum needs no new posts.


N.E. Brigand
Half-elven


Dec 14 2010, 5:36am

Post #3 of 11 (904 views)
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"Lorna Doone"? Or "Brigadoon"? // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

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squire
Half-elven


Dec 14 2010, 11:34pm

Post #4 of 11 (771 views)
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Both! (cookies within) [In reply to] Can't Post

I admit I got the two confused. But on closer inspection I have discovered a beautiful thing, as is not uncommon when reading Bored of the Rings with the eye of a truly demented fan.

Lorna Doone does seem to have a Scottish connection, even though the novel is set in Devon in SW England. The Doone clan (of whom Lorna, the heroine, is one) are considered to be of Scottish stock, possibly exiled Stuart supporters during the 17th century Civil Wars. In any case, the shortbread cookie now marketed by Nabisco is thought to have been given the Lorna Doone name because of that cookie type's traditional Scottish associations. Any good Highlands shoppe at craft fairs, etc., features colorfully tartanned tins of shortbread cookies.


Lorna Doone the novel: "Do you like what you doth see?"


Lorna Doone the cookie: do not confuse this with "elvish magic zwieback".

Next, Brigadoon. For his Broadway musical of that name, Alan Jay Lerner made up a magical town set in, yes, Scotland. Allegedly he invented the name from the Brig o' Doon, a bridge over the river Doon that Robert Burns used in one of his romantic poems.


Brigadoon, the Gene Kelley movie version: "Are there any more at home like you?"

So now, whence the Lornadoon of Bored of the Rings? The name sounds like Lorna Doone the novel, and also (correctly, according to the style of the book's mock-Elvish) Nabisco's trademarked cookie name. But it is spelled like Brigadoon the musical, which ties it to a magical village that is not easy for mortals to find and which can be destroyed by too-close contact with modern times! Sound like any place we know?

It is just a crowning touch that the authors added the alliterative prefix La- to make it Lalornadoon in some places in the story, to pick up on the original book's varying usages of Lothlorien and Lorien. As with so much of this jewel of a book, the art is in the details that only "God will know".



squire online:
RR Discussions: The Valaquenta, A Shortcut to Mushrooms, and Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit
Lights! Action! Discuss on the Movie board!: 'A Journey in the Dark'. and 'Designing The Two Towers'.
Footeramas: The 3rd (and NOW the 4th too!) TORn Reading Room LotR Discussion; and "Tolkien would have LOVED it!"
squiretalk introduces the J.R.R. Tolkien Encyclopedia: A Reader's Diary


= Forum has no new posts. Forum needs no new posts.


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Dec 15 2010, 3:10am

Post #5 of 11 (794 views)
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Too late. [In reply to] Can't Post

I've always thought of the "elvish magic zwieback" as being rather petrified Lorna Doone cookies! Laugh

Yes - the invention of "Lalornadoon" is sheer genius.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915




BountyHunter
The Shire

Dec 15 2010, 3:14pm

Post #6 of 11 (747 views)
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Bored of the Rings [In reply to] Can't Post

LOL. I used to have this book years and years ago. Wish I knew what happened to it.


sador
Half-elven


Dec 17 2010, 6:47am

Post #7 of 11 (778 views)
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Just sayin' [In reply to] Can't Post



In Reply To
We might even conclude that Nesselrode’s transformation into a river symbolizes an eternal virginity


Whoa there! What does that mean about Tom's marrying Goldberry?


In Reply To
And the final obvious question, so often asked by the BotR-studies types and even the mainstream critics


Too funny to leave unquoted.



In Reply To
Spam’s gag based on the ancient excuse for supporting Hitler against Stalin

It was also used before already - in the Fatlip's gaff about Dildo's detractors:



Quote
"Them what say that may be right," agreed Fatlip, winking at his cronies to tell them a punchline was coming. "But them that say such may be wrong, too."




In Reply To
Still holding out after forty years for Lavalier to moan “touch me, oh touch me” and open her eyes to the ceiling. Unashamedly.


I wish I had never come here, and I don't want to see no more.



In Reply To
Palestine as the Switzerland of the Middle-east


That's a sad joke - especially once we remember that in the 70s Lebanon, with it's Francophile middle-class and gorgeous mountain landscape, was considered to be just that. Frown

"Welcome, and well met!" - Gloin.

The weekly discussion of The Lord of the Rings is back! Please join us in the Reading Room.

"Lying by omission seems to happen a lot in this trilogy."
- Milady.



(This post was edited by sador on Dec 17 2010, 6:48am)


sador
Half-elven


Dec 17 2010, 8:11am

Post #8 of 11 (776 views)
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Is Late always better than Never? [In reply to] Can't Post

I'm afraid not this time...

Keebler Elves, they ain't!

Just what Lavalier says: "nasties we're not".

1. How does the story of Nesselrode compare with the story of Nimrodel?
Well, both Legolas and Gimli have forgotten to tell us the dwarvish name for Nimrodel.
Nazalspray doesn't sound bad, and after a safe distance from the Spumoni might be even needed.

And of course, Menthol's going west to sell encyclopedias!

Quote
"If only I'd listened to my Uncle Poo-poo and gone into dentistry," whined Pepsi.
"If I'd stayed home, I'd be big in encyclopedias by now," sniffled Moxie.



2. How does Legolam's song compare with the story of Nimrodel?

Why would the elvin-lad take her to the fights, when the ballhog of Villnova is next door? Like the river, this sounds fishy to me...

3. Arrowroot's toilet kit! Wasn't Legolas supposed to be "the prettiest"?

Yeah, and he's also the best cook of the group (blintzes!). The 'Pooners are shamelessly pumping up the propaganda about what a great king he will be.

4. No comment on that last sentence. However, I do personally like the "bloodsucking umpires", I've seen some in action...

The soupy river reminds me of this classic:


Quote

Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!

Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!
Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!

Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
Game, or any other dish?
Who would not give all else for two
Pennyworth only of Beautiful Soup?
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?

Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!
Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
Beautiful, beauti--ful Soup!



5. Welcome wagon? Conastoga? Get it? No?
Well, if they spell conestoga wrong, I can't get it by googling, can I?
(to say nothing of my never having bothered to google it)

6. It has been wondered how the Elves earned money in Middle-earth. Now we know!
Orlon did it by running a toll-bridge, and a casino.

7. Those who believe in "revisionist Elves" no doubt appreciate Spam's comment.
In my answer to squire, I have quoted the Fatlip's use of the same comment.
Once again, Dildo is compared to Elves!

8. A circular staircase! Jackson had it right, all along!
Yeah, but he missed the fact that Legolam actually knows his directions.

9. Isn't that one of the greatest puns, about the chestnut hair?

Quote
"Chestnuts, chestnuts," he hissed... "but we has only six!"



10. What do you think of Lavalier's mind-reading?
I never knew squire had such a great beauty. Live and learn.

11. Can you name the stories from which those four opening lines were taken?
Once upon a time - oh, that was one of the very first albums I bought for myself! Also one of the last ones.

"Call me Ishmael," - I need my thinking-cap for this. Or some coffee from Starbuck's. Wink

"Whanne in Aprille," - I didn't know that one. In fact, I am quite ashamed to admit I never read the Canterbury Tales in English. I once found a brilliant translation to Hebrew (which my mother, the English Lit. major at home, was delighted with - as it was by a well-beloved former professor of hers), looked for the original, was confused by the English - quite naturally, for a non-native English reader in his early teens!

"Hear me, oh Muse," - should be the Odyssey. IIRC, the Iliad opens with requesting the Muse to recount the tales of Acilleus' wrath, and should be "Sing, O Muse".

12. Once again the movie imitates the parody, since Lavalier takes only Frito to the Mirror Bath...hm, sounds like the start of a bad fanfic. What do you think Spam would have seen in the Bath?
The disgraceful scene described on the cover, probably. Nothing like the Jane Austen festival!

He might also see himself as the Time person-of-the-year. After all, there is more spam traffic than Facebook traffic!

13. That device doesn't exactly have the best track record, does it!
Yeah.
But being a warm and caring spouse and parent, its family loves it anyway.



"Welcome, and well met!" - Gloin.

The weekly discussion of The Lord of the Rings is back! Please join us in the Reading Room.

"Lying by omission seems to happen a lot in this trilogy."
- Milady.



(This post was edited by sador on Dec 17 2010, 8:12am)


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Dec 19 2010, 2:38am

Post #9 of 11 (719 views)
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Where's the evidence that... [In reply to] Can't Post


Quote
Whoa there! What does that mean about Tom's marrying Goldberry?


But - do we ever see their children? Do they have any children? Is it even possible for them to have children?

That is all to say - what is the exact nature of their natural forms?

Maybe squire is correct! Shocked


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915




dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Dec 19 2010, 3:28am

Post #10 of 11 (757 views)
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Never say "Never"! [In reply to] Can't Post

Wink

I'd forgotten about Moxie's lost dream of selling encyclopedias! Did you ever experience those door-to-door encyclopedia salesmen of the pre-Internet days? Ah, what a terrible fate...

So that's why the mention of the toilet kit - gotta keep the future King well-groomed, don't want him to "look foul"!

I haven't read that "Soup" song in a long time - come to think of it, the last time was probably in "Alice in Wonderland" (or was it "Through the Looking-glass"?), when the turtle sings that song, but modifies it to be about turtle soup.

Ah-ha! Orlon ran just the casino; the toll bridge was Garfinkle's idea. At that time. Who knows, maybe Orlon picked up on the idea, and set up toll-booths...

Okay, you get the gold star for linking Lavalier's chestnut hair to Gollum's "chestnuts"! Sneaky, these Lampoon guys! (Uh...you do realize that a "chestnut" here means a "stale joke or story", not a tooth...? Angelic)

"The droghte of Marche hath perced to the roote..." That was hard enough for me to read, having grown up speaking English, I can only imagine what you must have thought of it! No, have no shame of never having read it in the Middle English. We're not all as adept as Tolkien. Evil

Hmm, never thought of Spam as being the inventor of spam, but it does somehow seem appropriate...!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915




sador
Half-elven


Dec 19 2010, 2:23pm

Post #11 of 11 (784 views)
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"The droghte of Marche" [In reply to] Can't Post

Actually, that doesn't seem too difficult. Perhaps I will take it up again one day.

But I forgot!

Quote
"Are there any more at home like you?"


The correct reply! I actually tried to use it sometimes, and thankfully enough, nobody found it offensive when I asked them - just baffling!

"Welcome, and well met!" - Gloin.

The weekly discussion of The Lord of the Rings is back! Please join us in the Reading Room.

"Lying by omission seems to happen a lot in this trilogy."
- Milady.


 
 

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