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Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories
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Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Mar 27 2010, 8:04pm

Post #1 of 43 (3926 views)
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Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories Can't Post

Just why did Fatty Bolger remain in Crickhollow when Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin went on their adventure?

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauronís master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Smeagirl/Girllum
Gondor


Mar 27 2010, 8:59pm

Post #2 of 43 (1951 views)
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He was addicted to the internet and worried they wouldn't find wi-fi // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



"I deemed it the worst part of all my journey, the road back, watching him day and night, making him walk before me with a halter on his neck, gagged, until he was tamed by lack of drink and food, driving him ever towards Mirkwood."





weaver
Half-elven

Mar 27 2010, 10:39pm

Post #3 of 43 (1946 views)
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Patty Bolger// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Weaver






NottaSackville
Tol Eressea

Mar 27 2010, 10:47pm

Post #4 of 43 (2008 views)
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Agreed with Boromir on the whole "walking into Mordor" thing. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



7777777
Rivendell


Mar 27 2010, 11:51pm

Post #5 of 43 (1887 views)
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Nobody likes to be the 5th wheel in any group.// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

"Something, something, something Darkside. Something, something, something complete."


Captain Salt
Tol Eressea


Mar 28 2010, 12:20am

Post #6 of 43 (1856 views)
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He was too fat to fit on the back of Farmer Maggot's wagon... [In reply to] Can't Post

Or, alternatively, he was so fat that the other Hobbits thought there was a strong possibility he might fall on the Nazgul and kill them.


(This post was edited by Ataahua on Mar 28 2010, 1:34am)


squire
Half-elven


Mar 28 2010, 12:54am

Post #7 of 43 (2144 views)
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Three tubs, one hobbit-lass. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



squire online:
RR Discussions: The Valaquenta, A Shortcut to Mushrooms, and Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit
Lights! Action! Discuss on the Movie board!: 'A Journey in the Dark'. and 'Designing The Two Towers'.
Footeramas: The 3rd TORn Reading Room LotR Discussion; and "Tolkien would have LOVED it!"
squiretalk introduces the J.R.R. Tolkien Encyclopedia: A Reader's Diary


TheGreatCoolEnergy
The Shire


Mar 28 2010, 4:08am

Post #8 of 43 (1817 views)
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Because He Was Obese [In reply to] Can't Post

The Hobbits, as well as Gandalf, knew that Fatty was, well, fat. And the problem there is that people who are obese tend to over-eat. Seeing as how they had to walk across the know world, Fatty would have been very hungry, very often. Combine this with his eating disorder, and you have a party member who eats more than his fit teamates, which could easyily lead to trouble. Can you image the Hell that would be raised if Pippin woke up one night to see Fatty eating all of their provisions?

Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out.


Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 5:15am

Post #9 of 43 (1859 views)
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His uncle Ray Bolger had told him too many scary stories about the Wicked Witch.// [In reply to] Can't Post

 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Penthe
Gondor


Mar 28 2010, 6:12am

Post #10 of 43 (1896 views)
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Unlike Sam, his only ambition in life was to see hobbits// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Now?


sador
Half-elven


Mar 28 2010, 6:18am

Post #11 of 43 (1905 views)
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When the ford would budge, so would he. [In reply to] Can't Post

Just in case nobody gets my lame humour.

"It will support thee and defend thee from weariness" - Cirdan.




grammaboodawg
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 12:29pm

Post #12 of 43 (1683 views)
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He's massively allergic to travel, fear and haunted trees // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



sample sample

"There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West."
~Hug like a hobbit!~

I really need these new films to take me back to, and not re-introduce me to, that magical world.



TORn's Observations Lists


Darkstone
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 2:31pm

Post #13 of 43 (1669 views)
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Someone had to stay behind and protect the silver spoons. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Sometime hours and hours hence:
In The Green Dragon two ales could buy
And drank the one less filling I
And that has made all the difference.
- The Ale Less Filling, by Robert Frostymug


Darkstone
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 3:00pm

Post #14 of 43 (1670 views)
Shortcut
The Department of Buckland Security mistakenly had him on their "No Ride" list. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Sometime hours and hours hence:
In The Green Dragon two ales could buy
And drank the one less filling I
And that has made all the difference.
- The Ale Less Filling, by Robert Frostymug


Darkstone
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 3:01pm

Post #15 of 43 (1719 views)
Shortcut
He'd heard abput Bombadil. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Sometime hours and hours hence:
In The Green Dragon two ales could buy
And drank the one less filling I
And that has made all the difference.
- The Ale Less Filling, by Robert Frostymug


Patty
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 4:30pm

Post #16 of 43 (1693 views)
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Priceless, Aunt Dora! / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Permanent address: Into the West


Idril Celebrindal
Tol Eressea


Mar 28 2010, 6:12pm

Post #17 of 43 (1642 views)
Shortcut
They'd have needed four more ponies just to carry his rations! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


With caffeine, all things are possible.

The pity of Bilbo will screw up the fate of many.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Mar 28 2010, 6:26pm

Post #18 of 43 (1751 views)
Shortcut
Now that's [In reply to] Can't Post

what I call having an attainable goal!

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauronís master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Smeagirl/Girllum
Gondor


Mar 29 2010, 12:32am

Post #19 of 43 (1648 views)
Shortcut
*mods up* // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



"I deemed it the worst part of all my journey, the road back, watching him day and night, making him walk before me with a halter on his neck, gagged, until he was tamed by lack of drink and food, driving him ever towards Mirkwood."





SirDennisC
Half-elven


Mar 29 2010, 3:13am

Post #20 of 43 (1644 views)
Shortcut
With Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin gone, his new odds with the ladies were too good to walk away from? / [In reply to] Can't Post

 


(This post was edited by SirDennisC on Mar 29 2010, 3:13am)


Silverlode
Forum Admin / Moderator


Mar 29 2010, 5:31am

Post #21 of 43 (1706 views)
Shortcut
Hah, excellent! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Silverlode

"Of all faces those of our familiares are the ones both most difficult to play fantastic tricks with, and most difficult really to see with fresh attention. They have become like the things which once attracted us by their glitter, or their colour, or their shape, and we laid hands on them, and then locked them in our hoard, acquired them, and acquiring ceased to look at them.
Creative fantasy, because it is mainly trying to do something else [make something new], may open your hoard and let all the locked things fly away like cage-birds. The gems all turn into flowers or flames, and you will be warned that all you had (or knew) was dangerous and potent, not really effectively chained, free and wild; no more yours than they were you."
-On Fairy Stories


Elwen
Lorien


Mar 29 2010, 4:17pm

Post #22 of 43 (1642 views)
Shortcut
He was waiting for a call from the casting agent of "The Biggest Loser."// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

My elfling's LOTR commentary: (from when she was 4)

On Arwen: That princess is sad because she wants her Daddy.
On Eowyn: That princess is sad because she wants to ride horses with all the boys. They should let her play too.
On Legolas: What is that princess' name?


Patty
Immortal


Mar 29 2010, 4:51pm

Post #23 of 43 (1648 views)
Shortcut
He stayed home cause he hadn't called "Jenny" yet. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Permanent address: Into the West


Arandiel
Grey Havens

Mar 29 2010, 5:41pm

Post #24 of 43 (1618 views)
Shortcut
Three words: Farmer Maggot's mushrooms// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Wherever you go, there you are.

Why not Elves and Potatoes?


Kyriel
Forum Admin / Moderator


Mar 31 2010, 10:22am

Post #25 of 43 (1541 views)
Shortcut
It was allergy season, and he wanted to stay indoors [In reply to] Can't Post

She said, sneezing. CrazyFrown


Those left standing will make millions writing books on the way it should have been. --Incubus

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