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**TORn 10th Anniversary: The "Things You Never Want to People Say" list (long!)


Apr 26 2009, 6:31pm

Post #1 of 12 (1660 views)
**TORn 10th Anniversary: The "Things You Never Want to People Say" list (long!) Can't Post

I thought this list might provide a nice walk down memory lane. It's been such a long time since I last posted it, after all.

For those unfmiliar with the idea behind this list: it all started with the idea of compiling a list overhearing people saying sily things about the LOTR film trilogy. To get things started, I came up with a few lines that I hadn't heard but of which I thought that could've been said. These are marked 'NHY': 'Not heard Yet.' After that, everyone has been free to add whatever silliness they overheard. Or NHYs they thought up. And yes, the list's still open for new items.

Have fun reading, and feel free to contribute!

1) The end of FOTR is the strangest ending of a movie I ever saw, what happens to the Ring? – Stapper
2) LOTR is like any other movie; the first one works and then they start making sequels! (NHY) – Stapper
3) First they make FOTR movie and then some Tolkien writes a book about it. All publicity. (NHY) – Stapper
4) They told me TTT would be much like Star Wars, but I never saw any laser-guns… (NHY) – Stapper
5) Some people state trees can talk, but walk? They’d better lock Peter Jackson up. (NHY) – Stapper
6) I only went to FOTR to see Viggo Mortensen die. He *does* die, doesn’t he? (NHY) – Stapper
7) Why doesn’t Frodo let the Nazgϋl take him to Mordor, that’s way faster! (NHY) – Stapper
8) What’s the problem with that Ring anyway? (NHY) – Stapper
9) I finally understand! Saruman controls the Ring and Sauron is his *puppet*. (NHY) – Stapper
10) Gimli can easily win the Mr. Universe title. What do you mean he’s the ugly dwarf? That Elf looks wonderful! (NHY) – Stapper

11) I'm not into fantasy movies/stories. They're for kids. – Grammaboodawg
12) Oh... it's so long and it's hard to remember all those names and places. – Grammaboodawg
13) Lord of the Rings? Isn't that about a bunch of kids stuck on some island? – Milk
14) The first movie ends with Frodo destroying the ring, right? – Dorιan
15) Lord Of The Rings? Oh yeah, I saw this cartoon once... – ElanorNorth
16) I prefer Harry Potter – Brillanonniel
17) I don’t want to see that film... it doesn’t have any car chases, or bombs, or guns or anything. Boooring. – Brillanonniel
18) Why do you want to see another Star Wars rip-off? – Draupne
19) What? I thought that old guy who fell in Moria was Frodo – Galathiel
20) Isn't it tasteless for Tolkien to call the second movie The Two Towers? Doesn't he have any sensitivity after what happened? – Nimfalma Took

21) Lord of the Rings? Oh yeah, I fell asleep during that movie. – Eater of 2nd Breakfast
22) “Hurry up and f***ing die, will you?” overheard during Boromir's death scene. – Frogmella
23) I really liked that guy - what his name was - the Fairy King in Rivendell... – Meira
24) There's gonna be a sequel, right? – Randiriel
25) “See, I told you they were gay!” In response to one Frodo and Sam moment from TTT – Randiriel
26) What's the wizard's name again? Gandorf? – Randiriel
27) I didn't see it - I don't like escapist books or movies. – Annael
28) Isn't that a kid's movie? – Sherlock
29) I like the way Gollum mounted his horse – Sherlock
30) Who's Boromir? – Sherlock

31) I tried to watch that movie but after I sat through two and a half hours and nothing happened I gave up – Sherlock
32) Lord of the Rings? That's Michael Flatley, isn't it? – RosieLass
33) Lord of the Rings? That has "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in it, doesn't it? – RosieLass
34) WHAT! There's ANOTHER one coming out! – ringers rock!
35) Oh, Jackson obviously ripped off the title "Return of the King" from Star Wars "Return of the Jedi – TheWhiteCity
36) I was going to see that movie but it's three hours long and I can't sit still for a three hour movie. Why does it have to be so long? – Sherlock
37) Is that the one with that queer-looking guy? The one with the pointy ears? Or was that Star Trek? – Etalia
38) So what happened? – Eowyn Shieldmaiden
39) Oh my God that is sooooo not cool, I only went to see the fitness of Orlando Bloom. What is the point of that bloody ring, it's soooooo boring they're all freaks and so are you for liking it. Get away from me. – iamahobbit
40) Is leggless a real elf? – Ciars

41) Do Hobbits bounce? – Ciars
42) So the Orcs are like stormtroopers then - why does everyone rip-off star wars? – Ciars
43) Oh no not another fairy story – Ciars
44) TTT isn’t that all about a forest? – Ciars
45) I mean Aragorn is totally rubbing against Boromir's leg in the death scene – Kimber
46) I liked Legolas the fairy – Gandalf the Great
47) “My boyfriend and I left in the middle it was so boring. What was it with the ring anyway??” (Concerning FOTR) – Mar
48) The Hobbit's feet are ugly, why don't they wear shoes? – Bell Willow
49) Tolkien was such a racist – PinkOliphaunts
50) My favourite part in ROTK is when Frodo dies. I can't wait! – Varda Elentari

51) I think they should have just given the ring to the Eagles and had them drop it in Mt. Doom. It would have saved us 6 hours of boring filler. – Varda Elentari
52) All it is is them getting out of one impossible situation after an other. – Joelle
53) Why are the short guys walking in the snow with NO shoes?!? – Joelle
54) And Gandalf is Gandar. – Joelle
55) Why did it take them another half an hour to get in the bl**** boat? – Telkemeniel
56) “FOTR was 'basically a lot of people running away from special effects'” (Some reviewer) – Telkemeniel
57) What? NO ending? Why didn't they tell me that before? – Telkemeniel
58) Now what's the difference between Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter? – Rain Queen
59) Dude...what was that one guy's name? The one who's daughter was going out with that Aragorn guy... – LOTR nutcase
60) The only reason to see that movie is that hot elf-chick – LOTR nutcase

61) All right...so Eowyn is the one who's in love with Aragorn, right?....And she's the one with brown hair...No? Oh, well, then Arwen is...but she's the one from Rohan, right? – LOTR nutcase
62) I never want to see LOTR. I heard Sean Bean dies. I don't want to see him dead! – Stephabuffy
63) Oh, I loathe him. He uses too many words. – Aunt Dora Baggins
64) What's that? …Oh, it's a monkey! Referring to Gollum in the caves of Moria. – Stephabuffy
65) So *that's* where gunpowder came from! – ringers rock!
66) It was a total Star Wars rip-off! – Smallbottle
67) Legolas Looks like a girl. – Lady Elrondo
68) The Ring isn't supposed to glow?...the Ring isn't supposed to glow and that's why it has to be destroyed, right? – BrambleroseBrandybuck
69) What a rip-off! It's basically Star Wars, with less sophisticated weapons! And what exactly is the Ring supposed to *do*? – Aragorn Elessar
70) I was watching it and it just *STOPPED*, I thought I was gonna see Frodo throw the ring

71) into the fire! – Manveri
72) “Bill is a donkey.” according to a boy who read the books – Stapper
73) Heard after TTT: “Well, (in a huff) that wasn't like the book at all!!” – Swift
74) I'll admit I've never read the books and I didn't see the first movie, but while I have to admire all the artistry and detail, my only question is why bother? – hatster
75) Well, I don't generally like fantasy, but these movies just don't make it. I mean, I don't understand why the Fellowship got together in the first place. Why do the elf and the dwarf join? What's in it for them? And why have a super evil guy who is so stupid he builds his empire under a flimsy dam? – hatster
76) Shadowfax is a pack mule. (NHY) – Shadowfaxrules
77) The trailer for TTT had been on the end, so everyone knew that Gandalf came back. Anyways, this one girl said, "Oh, okay, so only that stupid guy died?" in reference to Boromir. – shadowfaxrules
78) my grandma after seeing TTT with me said..."so the elf guys sister is that blond girl, right?" – windfola grey
79) Gollum Action Figure: “My....preciousss...” Grandpa: “Holy...s***...” – EowynDernhelm
80) At school one day, I was wearing a dog tag necklace that said "Frodo Lives!" and a person from my class said "Who's FrOWdo?" Then another person in the class said "Why do you have a necklace that says Frodo Lives (pronounced as in the nine things a cat has). – EowynDernhelm

81) "Would you like to come and see ‘Lord of the Rings.’ I'm sure you'd love it." "No, I don't think so. I've seen ‘Harry Potter’" – Baggins Babe
82) I think it's just one, huge money making scheme. They don't care about the book. – Olorin of the West
83) Yeah, the camera work was sensational but there wasn't any acting.– Olorin of the West 83) That was so unreal. None of it could ever take place or happen. Magic and Monsters doesn't exist. – Point Blank
84) My doctor said, "My wife and I were about ten minutes into TTT and were like, 'What's with all these men running around in dresses and all?' I mean, I just don't see the point." I asked him if he had seen the first movie, and he was like, "Ummm...would that have helped?" – Lady Elizabeth
85) oh they're just a miserable bunch walking around not doing much – Elendili Elessar
86) It's like a computer game, they go from one level to the next fighting enemies – Elendili Elessar
87) I was trying to explain how Helm's Deep was won largely because of the Huorns (sp?), my dad said "oh yeah, those walking trees at the end who are breaking everything?"- Well, a subtle distinction was going to be lost on him, so I gave up. – Happy Numenorian
88) A while ago that they overheard a girl in the cinema asking "I don’t understand, why do those two hobbits keep climbing trees, and what happened to that Gollum creature who was with them?" She'd obviously mixed up Frodo and Sam with Merry and Pippin.. – Amatire
89) "That Aragorn guy is so obviously a ranger, it's all a big RPG rip off!" – Amatire
90) My cousin who is a massive fan of RPG insists that Tolkien stole all his stuff from RPG games and was playing them before he wrote the books!! The countless times I’ve told him is 100000% wrong he just does not believe me! – Elendili Elessar

91) TTT is better than FOTR. I felt asleep at the beginning of FOTR. And I didn't feel asleep in TTT, well, not until they started fighting. – Elfmei
92) I don't understand why that Bilbo guy was in it. I mean, what does he do, really? – glorfin2
93) In line for TTT the weekend after it opened... Cute kid behind me dressed up as a Ranger obviously. Me: “Oh, isn't he a cute Aragorn.” Dad: “No, he's Strider.” – glorfin2
94) I liked him better as Dumbledore. Obviously referring to Sir Ian. – glorfin2
95) After TTT: God, I hope the next one is better than that! I mean, what did they actually do in this movie? There was just no point to it. – glorfin2
96) Ok, saved this gem for you: Before Fellowship. Clueless people. There should be a law... We were all chatting, as the line was long. And the topic turned to differences hoped for and feared and known between book and movie..."There's a book?" – glorfin2
97) A guy who was trying to get *close* with me said this during the Parth Galen boat scene: "Oh, Sam, I want to s**k your c**k!" Needless to say, he basically killed any possibility. >:( - Serai
98) Lord of the Rings is such a Harry Potter Rip Off. And they totally ripped-off Gealum whatever his name is, guy from Dolby. (NHY) – elvenhobbit84
99) LOTR did what every other good movie does. The first one earned a lot of money so let's make a sequel. (NHY) – elvenhobbit84
100) After watching TTT 'See, I told you! The first one is always better than the sequel.' (NHY) – elvenhobbit84

101) All the guys in that movie are so Gay! Especially Frodo and Sam. – elvenhobbit84
102) Have you seen or read Lord of the Rings? It's really good' 'I read the Hobbit, and it was really boring. – elvenhobbit84
103) 'What kind of guy leaves Liv Tyler for a blonde chick?' (NHY) – elvenhobbit84
104) Lord of the Rings? That movie is so gross! In one scene that striker guy kisses his horse! (NHY) – elvenhobbit84
105) I only went to see TTT because of Elijah Wood, and he was barely in the movie! I mean, who cares about strider, and the elf, and dwarf! – elvenhobbit84
106) My little sister's best friend watched FOTR for the first time at our house. When Barad-Dur came on the screen, she said, "Hey, that place is soooo cool! I wish I lived there!" – Serret Silverwing
107) FOTR: Overheard from a small child during Aragorn close up in Council of Elrond scene..."Is that Jesus? He *looks* like Jesus." – ShadoFax
108) (referring to "She") - Boy, Gollum really has multiple personality disorder. – Bree Baggins
109) I found it too 'dark.' [the content, not the theatre]. The sad thing was that was my father who said that. – Bree Baggins
110) (When asked what he thought of Gollum) Who's Gollum? – Bree Baggins

111) (referring to the end of FOTR) "That was IT? That's all we get?" – Bree Baggins
112) My father can't keep Viggo, Sean B, and Orlando straight. Conversation: Dad: “So which one is it you like? The blond guy with the bow?” Me: “No, silly, that's Legolas. He's an elf. The one I like is dark-haired and he's a mortal man. Aragorn. See, that's him there.” “The one with the shield?” “No, no, that's Boromir! The *other* guy, the scungy one.” “*Him?* Right there?” “ That GANDALF”, I'm sure as shooting not into him! “This guy, then?” “That's still Boromir!” – Ariel the Tempest
113) In the theatre my mom asked me, "Who does he keep talking to?" in reference to Gollum/Smeagol. So, of course I told her "himself". – Bell Willow
114) "Gollum is just a rip off of Dobby in Harry Potter!" – Leucothea Southern Star
115) “Isn't he a the wizard in Harry Potter too?” referring to Sir Ian – Leucothea Southern Star
116) One of my friends (who hasn't read the books) said to my other friend, "Hey, you look like Liv Tyler's dad with your hair like that. Not Steven Tyler, duh, I mean the freaky dude with the pointy ears!" – Serret Silverwing
117) Why don't they just send a buncha nukes to Mordor and blow it up? That'd make it more interestin'" (heard in an SC movie theatre.) – Serret Silverwing
118) The first time I'm seeing FOTR, opening night. It's nearly over. Boromir is defending Merry and Pippin. Uh oh - here comes Lurtz. Arrow #1... And B's back up! Arrow #2... takes a little longer this time... I know what's coming, but I didn't expect PJ to spend this much time on Boromir's death, and tears are pouring down my cheeks, and somewhere around the third arrow, the lovely woman next to me utters the (unfortunately) immortal words: "Die already!" – Aerlinn
119) There was a half-naked monkey running around for half of the movie – BrambleroseBrandybuck
120) Two rednecks from my town walk out to their cars, and just before they get there, one of them starts jumping around shouting how he wants a sword so he can fight evil. Then the, admittedly calmer, sidekick starts wondering aloud who "she" is. – Tharangil

121) One of the girls in my Literature class said, "The Hobbit? Oh, I hated that book, it was soo stupid. I mean what was the point? It was awful." etc. until I had to hold my chair so that I wouldn't get up and sock her in the kisser. My teacher said flatly, "That's because you have no imagination." – Eldameldor
122) "Oh, well, I didn't like LOTR." "Yeah, I'm not into the whole sci-fi stuff." (Which I promptly corrected "fantasy". Received blank stare) – Eldameldor
123) When coming out of the auditorium at Regal Cinemas after watching FOTR for my second time, I heard a lady behind me "Oh that was so a guy movie". A guy in the parking lot said, "It was a chick flick." – Eldameldor
124) My dad, knowing that I absolutely love Legolas, constantly calls him Legoman. – Eldameldor
125) My dad once said, and I throttled him for it, "He should keep his blonde hair. He'd get a lot more leg for it. Get it leg for it. You know..." – Eldameldor
126) My dad's always like "do they call him legless cause he has no legs--ahuhuhu!" – TheEvenstar
127) Half way through FOTR, the fellowship are making a dash for the bridge of Kazad-Dum. *tired sigh* "How much longer..?" – Olorin of the West
128) When Faramir says "The ring will go to Gondor." A woman sitting in front of me said "Ok who the hell is Gondor?" – RapofGohan
129) At the end of FOTR, a woman in front of me stood up and practically *screamed* "That was IT?! That's ALL?! NOTHING HAPPENED!!!" – Nimrodel
130) Oh my brothers reaction to Legolas on his cool horse mounting thingy.. "I could do that" – Child of the evening light

131) My mother hasn't seen TTT yet, but she wants to go see it tomorrow. So I was reminding her of what happened in FOTR. I said something about Aragorn and she says "Oh, is he that one that saves those kids at the beginning?" – iamleia2
132) The scene where the Ents were attacking Isengard; when they tore down the dam, she asked me where all the water came from. She must've blinked or something. – Elithraniel M
133) at FOTR: "Who was that boy with the thick neck?" (Frodo). – Lady Ealain
134) Also, heard during Fellowship--the guy next to me talked to the screen until someone hissed "Be Quiet!"--During Boromir's temptation/snow scene "DON'T put on the Ring! Don't do it!!!" – Lady Ealain
135) My French teacher: Wait... so... the hobbits are the tall ones with the pointy ears and the dwarves are the little guys with the furry feet? Huh? What? I'm confused... – Sandicomm
136) My Latin teacher: Oh, I know! And the hobbits are so not muna muna! [Muna muna is her word for squishy, chubby and cute. It is also a verb for lightly pinching something that is squishy, chubby and cute. **Muna munas Sean Astin** Hmmm...] – Sandicomm
137) My history and science teachers: GAAHH! TTT ended three chapters early! – Sandicomm
138) My history teacher brought in the FOTR EE on Valentine's Day during our Valentine's Day party (or maybe it was Christmas), and during the Mines of Moria scene, all the jocks were like, "Yeah Strider! Go Strider! Whoo!" – Sandicomm
139) After Gandalf died, a teacher of mine said, "Waugh, I don't want to watch this anymore. It's getting too depressing..." – Sandicomm
140) "I only watch the movies for the cinematography." (My friend said this, I can understand, though. At least she doesn't think Orli is hot...) – Sandicomm

141) My best friend in the world said this: "So, Lord of the Rings. Is there any sex in it?" (HEATHER!!!! **Dies** Actually I think she said, "Is there any romance in it?" I can't remember. I know she said that about something...) – Sandicomm
142) After my dad saw FOTR: I ask: "Did you like the movie?" My dad: "Yeah, it was good. I just couldn't stand that guy..." "Which guy?" "The skinny, ugly one" "Gollum?" "No, not him. The other one. Who's Gollum?" "Dad! How could you not know who Gollum is? What were you watching?" "I was watching it carefully. I just never heard Gollum" *sigh* "So, which guy did you not like?" "The skinny one that Frodo and Sam meet in the beginning.... He kills those rabbits...""Smeagol?" "Yeah him" "Dad, Gollum and Smeagol are the same person" "Yeah...that guy" – elvenhobbit84
143) I have a friend who loves LOTR as much as I do, another friend who hasn't seen LOTR yet. So my other friend and I are trying to convince her to watch it. So here's what happened: Me: "Why won't you watch the film? Why don't you want to see it? It's like one of the best movies ever!" My friend: (referring to me and my other LOTR/fan friend) “I'm afraid I'm going to be crazy like you two" – elvenhobbit84
144) My Cousin: "Why is that guy on a journey to find a ring, if he already has one?" – elvenhobbit84
145) Someone at my school actually came up to me, knowing that I like LOTR and said: "Did you know there's another one coming out?" It’s incredible how clueless some people are. – Celebrantiel
146) Also, when I first rented FOTR some lady at Blockbuster said: "I wouldn't rent that if I were you. It's really hard to follow. You sit through it for 3 hours and then, at the end, the ring still isn't destroyed. It was the biggest waste of time ever." Again, incredible. – Celebrantiel
147) What my aunt and uncle said about TT: "We left halfway through because we couldn't understand what was going on." "You saw the first one right?" "No" – CAhobbit
148) When I saw TT with my sister. During the scene where Aragron falls off the cliff: "Is he really dead?" – CAhobbit
149) Fifteen minutes into FOTR while watching it with my mom... "So is the rest of the movie like this?" Just not her type of film. – CAhobbit
150) my mum's take on TTT (to which my Dad and I dragged her): "The horse was cute...." (i.e. Brego kissing Aragorn.) – greendragon

151) My fiance saying "look it's my other girlfriend" every time Arwen / Liv Tyler comes on the screen :P – Lecothea SouthernStar
152) this is about the book: "I didn't like it because no one died and nothing bad happened to anyone". Umm...okay. – jadeshadow
153) "What's Lord of the Rings?" I heard that comment from someone. They must have been living in a hole (hobbit hole?) somewhere! – tosaanne
154) Lord of the Rings? Is that one of the WWF championship matches? (WWF is wrestling!) – Lady Elizabeth
155) Well a friend who hasn't read the books, after seeing TTT, said she enjoyed it. Great. However, she then went on to say "Mind you, I thought the bit with the trees was a bit silly" Erm, hello? – ArwenOddstar
156) Another friend said she'd tried to read the books several years ago but didn't get past the first book because she found it too boring (strange lass). Anyway, she was dragged along by her family to see FOTR and later said to me she liked the scenery etc but didn't enjoy the film. In particular, she said she found the beginning of it (i.e. Hobbiton etc) too 'twee'. Aargh!! – ArwenOddstar
157) Several other people have made comments along the lines of "it's just too long" or "it does drag on a bit doesn't it". Then I say you obviously haven't read the books. Then they'll say "you mean there's more than one?" – ArwenOddstar
158) When my dad and me were watching FOTR together, he reacted to Gollum in Moria as "What is that? Oh. It's a monkey. Ok." – Stephabuffy
159) Isn't the journey supposed to take 40 days? Shouldn't it be 40 days already? – Stephabuffy
160) I always wonder...how come they don't wear shoes? Doesn't it hurt to walk around like that all the time? – Stephabuffy

161) a medical school student said to me "Well, I didn't realise that it was a trilogy, so I was really MAD when the first one ended. It was a total let-down... I'm boycotting the rest of them." – Frodo for President
162) "It was long and it STILL didn't end!" – Stephabuffy
163) "Hey, I'm confused.... I think I might have missed something at the end of FOTR. Wasn't the ring supposed to be destroyed?" – Celebrantiel
164) "Hey, what was the name of that really hot guy in the movie? The blond one." – ?
165) (When TTT trailer started showing up places)"Whoa!! Did you know they're making a sequel to Lord of the Rings?" – Celebrantiel
166) (After seeing TTT)"Wow, that was a *really* confusing movie. I didn't know who anyone was. And why did it start in the middle of a story?" "Did you see FOTR?" "No, would that have helped?" – Celebrantiel
167) "Didn't Aragorn die in FOTR?" – Celebrantiel
168) "Yeah, it was sooooo funny in TTT when the horse was kissing Aragorn! That was the best part of the movie." – Celebrantiel
169) "I'm confused about FOTR. What happened to that Strider guy? He disappeared once they got to Rivendell." – Celebrantiel
170) "It's too confusing. There are too many names to remember. I'm not going to waste my time." – Lairosion

171) They thought it was about Muhammad Ali. Lord of the BOXING Rings. Really. – Taryαvλwen
172) Queuing for tickets, the person in front of me said they wanted to see Lord of the Rings. The ticket seller confirmed: "Right, one for The Two Towers". "No, no!" the patron replied, "Lord of the Rings"... – Gerontius
173) It's always annoying when people say they don’t like the movies because they get confused because all the human men look alike "with long hair and beards". – Macca
174) "we thought it was one of the best put-together movies we've ever seen, but we walked out because the characters weren't going anywhere, and we heard there were two more movies." – jadeshadow
175) ...Wasn't that that movie with the blonde chick who was in love with the king-guy or whatever who was in love with the elf-chick or something? Yeah, I think I remember seeing that one." – Frodo’s lady of Rohan
176) Lord of the Rings? Isn't that a boxing movie? – EowynDernhelm
177) "I like the Two Towers better because it's more realistic." He's referring to the fact that more people died. I don't know, maybe it's just me but I think it's kinda of a weird statement considering LOTR is a fantasy story. – WhiteAslan
178) the bit where Gandalf catches Sam eavesdropping and Sam says "Please don’t turn me into anything… unnatural" The next scene is set at dawn and the first thing you can see Gandalf is stealthily leading a horse. A girl about three rows down from me called out "OH MY GOD - Gandalf's turned him into a HORSE" – Celede
179) "Wait - So who's the Lord of the Rings? The bad guy in X-men or that one idget.. What's his name? Oh yeah, Frodo!" – Atticus
180) "So Sarah, who's this King that's s'pose to Return?" "Well, Kevin, that would be Aragorn." "You mean that guy who has those dirty dreams about that hot elf chick in Armageddon?!?" – Atticus

181) "Are Boromir and Faramir related?" – Atticus
182) "I thought that Thιoden guy's son got killed...But how come he comes back at the end with Gandalf?" – Atticus
183) "I thought that Dobby-Rip-off guy was Gollum...How come they call him Smeagol?" – Atticus
184) A friend of mine has the biggest problem with the names. Bless her, she at least attempts them, but here's a few examples of her handiwork: Sam Gamwise; Aragron; Rimorob (don't ask me how she came up with that one...); Piper Take; Fariwere – Amrunofthesummercountry
185) One time, after seeing TTT, she asked me, "Diana, why was that Fariwere guy so mean to the little frog man? Was that in the book, or did they make it up?" It took me five minutes to understand what she was asking... – Amrunofthesummercountry
186) My mother is also still quite confused on the whole race thing. "So that Frodo-whatsit, he's an elf?" "Is that Strider guy an elf?" "What about that one? Is *that* an elf?" Yes, she thinks that everyone is an elf. – Amrunofthesummercountry
187) My lovely little brother asked me one time why Aragorn didn't just shoot the orcs. Not with a bow and arrow, but with a gun. I had to explain to him that they didn't have guns in Middle Earth, and then he said "Well, that old dude had gun *powder*. Why don't they have guns?" – Amrunofthesummercountry
188) He also thought that Eowyn was Arwen and asked "Wait....they don't have guns, but she can change her hair colour?" – Amrunofthesummercountry
189) Two thousand years and no technological advances? You'd think they would've at least invented the bicycle or something! – lttlberr
190) The Return of the King ? What does it have to do with Elvis? (NHY) – Charlie

191) "Ruuuu-dy! Ruuuu-dy!" - group of guys when Sean Astin was on screen the first time during TTT. I wanted to smack them! – Bunny of many colors
192) It's inevitable that we're going to hear this one upon the arrival of ROTK: "That Shelob thing was SUCH a rip-off of the giant spiders in 'Harry Potter'!" *bangs head against the wall* - Randiriel
193) While standing in line for Trilogy Tuesday tickets one person while coming out of the theatre saw me standing in line and he read the sign LOTR tickets and asked if I was getting lottery tickets (if I knew just how perilously few of the tickets that there were for people who actually waited in line [50 tickets--rest went to phone and internet sales--300 tix in all]--these indeed were LOTR Lottery tickets)--I had to laugh but I then told the man that I was waiting in line for the Trilogy Tuesday event and he looked at me strangely because I showed up in line 16 hours before the box office opened for the next day! So my answer to this is "Oh your in line to buy LotRey tickets huh?" – elf wannabee
194) My wife: "Eowyn will make a really good queen after she and Aragorn get married." – Golfimbul
195) Our daughter, after looking at the catalogue of products that came with the TTT video: "So that's why everybody has jewellery. So they can sell it to us." – Golfimbul
196) Mr. Brandybuck likes to refer to Denethor as "Desenex." He *does* know better, really... – Celandine Brandybuck
197) "Who is this 'Buckleberry Fairy' Merry mentioned?" – hopebeam
198) "Return of the King? So do they finally destroy that d*** thing, or what?" – The trees of Yavanna
199) "I'm not interested in Lord of the Rings. I think fantasy is stupid, and these are boy movies anyway." – The trees of Yavanna
200) "Oh no, you're not into that Lord of the Rings stuff, are you? That's all occult stuff like Dungeons and Dragons, isn't it?" – The trees of Yavanna

201) Don't forget that quote by Ebert, which was something like "There's no way that Gandalf could have been a faster rider, because he's older than the others." – Sandicomm
202) "I can't believe its over. I love these movies!" – grammaboodawg
203) "Man, I've gotta read the book." – grammaboodawg
204) "Are they good or bad?" my mom when the Mumakil comes in the battle of Pelennor. – Erufaildon
205) "Why are they speaking Latin?" – Erufaildon
206) Every time Elrond showed up on screen, some guy behind me said "Look! It's Agent Smith!" – Faerie-lady of Rohan
207) My Dad on ROTK: "You think the movie is going to end like five different times! 'Okay, Frodo's destroyed the Ring, now the movie can end...No, wait, We have to make Aragorn King. Okay, NOW the movie can end...No, hey, they all have to go home! I'M ready to go home...Oh, now Sam and Rosie have to get married...Great, now the movie can end...oh, Bilbo's going away. Bye Bilbo! Bye movie!... And now Frodo has decided to go with him. And now the movie is finally over'" – Faerie-lady of Rohan
208) *during ROTK credits* "SEAN BEAN?!?! Who was that?" – YodatheHobbit
209) During the hour plus wait before first viewing of ROTK: "Well, there's the first book, called The Hobbit, where Frodo takes some dwarves to steal the treasure from a dragon" "Oh, you mean like the dragon guys the hooded guys wear?" *sigh* So wrong, on so many levels, especially on opening night... – DublinLass52
210) Arwen's appearance: "Yes! She's so hot." – DublinLass52

211) When Frodo enters Shelob's tunnel and falls into the spider web: "There's gonna be a huge spider. Oh man..." :P – DublinLass52
212) When Gollum attacks Frodo outside of Shelob's lair: "Come on Frodo, kill the little b*****d." Combined with "No, kill him!" when Frodo backs away from killing Gollum and a "Finally!" when Frodo knocks Gollum over the edge. Guess the whole message of pity didn't really sink in, huh? – DublinLass52
213) Gimli: "Let's get some food." Guy behind me: "Gimli's the man!" He basically said this after every Gimli appearance, including when he shows up at Frodo's bedside. – DublinLass52
214) At Shelob's reappearance: "Oh s**t, he's back. No, Frodo, look up! LOOK UP!" – DublinLass52
215) At post sting Frodo: "Look, Frodo's got rabies!" – DublinLass52
216) When Gollum reappeared at Mt. Doom: "No. Way." – DublinLass52
217) At the end of the movie. "You know, I don't think they finished up all of the story lines. The ending was wicked long, but what happened with Arwen and her kid?" "Yeah, they should have had a sex scene!" – DublinLass52
218) "That was awful, Peter Jackson says he cares about the books, but he really doesn't." – CroMagnos
219) "So, does he die?"(A woman waiting in the line for the next showing as we are exiting the theatre) – CroMagnos
220) A leftover from FOTR, as the fellowship enters Lorien: "Hey, those guys look a lot like that other guy! (Meaning Legolas) – CroMagnos

221) Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?" – Vernien_xia
222) Block the entrance to the theatre while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" – Vernien_xia
223) Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring." – Vernien_xia
224) Point and laugh whenever someone dies. (But I ALWAYS do that!) – Vernien_xia
225) Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts. – Vernien_xia
226) Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson." – Vernien_xia
227) When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up, starts whistling and shout "He still SMELLS." – Vernien_xia
228) Talk like Gollum all through the movie. (Well I already do that even NOT in the movie theatre.) – Vernien_xia
229) Dress up as old ladies and re-enact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style. (Who's Monthy Python?) – Vernien_xia
230) When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Free Barbecue!" – Vernien_xia

231) In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!" – Vernien_xia
232) Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien (talking) about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre. – Vernien_xia
233) During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?" – Vernien_xia
234) Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie. – Vernien_xia
235) Start an Orc sing-a-long. (10,000 Orcs are coming along, 10,000 Orcs are coming, If 1 was shot down and rolled around, how many Orcs are there left standing? Sung to the tune of "99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall" - sing till no more Orcs are left or you get kicked out (whichever happens first) – Vernien_xia
236) Come to the premiere dressed as Harry Potter and wander around looking terribly confused, asking "Where's Voldemort?" – Vernien_xia
237) When they go in the Paths of the Dead, wait for a tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!" – Vernien_xia
238) Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like. – Vernien_xia
239) Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theatre during the Shelob scene. – Vernien_xia
240) Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California and start talking in an Arnie-accent. – Vernien_xia

241) When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!" – Vernien_xia
242) Stand up and shout "That's NOT supposed to happen" for all the extra scenes. (For those who read the book) – Vernien_xia
243) On opening night when Shelob is hovering over Frodo, some guy in the audience actually yelled out what everyone was thinking "Look out, behind you!" I couldn't believe it! – Delyth
244) I heard on one of my last viewings of ROTK: an elderly woman behind me commented at the end: "Well, that didn't make any sense" to which her husband replied grumpily: "I told you we should have seen the first two!" – Aragorn Elessar
245) "How they call this place? The Middle Kingdom?" – Silent Watcher
246) “That Frodo dude is like the worst superhero ever.” as spoken by my husband. – IsisNewton
247) When FOTR was first released on DVD my friend and her grandmother, who had never seen the movie before, decided to watch it. At the end of the movie my friend's grandmother groaned and exclaimed "That was just way too long, they should have just ended the whole thing when they were all happy in heaven". We found out later that she was referring to Rivendell when she said "heaven". – Pip Hearts Pints
248) Just as the movie was starting, a family came in and sat down right in front of me. Grrrr.....anyway, the mother leaned over to her husband and said "whoever cast that Frodo guy ought to be shot. That's the ugliest dude I ever saw!" – Jordan the Dissursive
249) "I can't wait until the long version when they put back whatever scene that they cut out when they faded to black right before the birds came. I really want to know what happens then!" Then she added how long is was already and that maybe she'd just fast-forward to the end to see that scene. – HobbitHearted
250) The cinematography wasn't that good. – joeyjojo

251) I was watching the "No more despair" scene when my grandma walked into the room. After watching quietly as Thιoden tried to comfort his niece, she turned to me and asked, "Is he her boyfriend?" – EowynDernhelm
252) 'Didn't he used to be Baggles?' My father, obviously confused, thought Gollum used to be Bilbo. – Arwen’s daughter
253) On the opening night of ROTK I hear one guy say to another "That ending was the gayest thing I think I ever saw." - Sιregon
254) "Oh, they're alright. I always want to machine gun everybody in the battles though - it's so stupid fighting with the swords." – Shuya
255) A friend said he saw FOTR, but didn't like it because of the Nazgϋl screams - they were too loud or something. So he never saw the other two. – Shuya
256) (before ROTK) "I hope Sam dies, he's so gay." – r2k2dbprice
257) (after FOTR) "It's over?!?! But they didn't destroy the ring yet!" – r2k2dbprice
258) "LOTR is stupid. Star Wars is soooooo much better." – r2k2dbprice
259) "If Legolas dies, I'll sue." – r2k2dbprice
260) "Gollum dies? Wait...who's Gollum? Oh, the weird elf guy, right?" – r2k2dbprice

261) "Minus the music, It's all just mountains." – r2k2dbprice
262) One of my very best friends, who actually is a big Tolkien fan, fell asleep during Helm's Deep. In fairness to her, it was an opening-night midnight showing, so by that point it must have been after 2 a.m. – Lottelita
263) Legolas does look like a girl. That Haldir chick was pretty hot too. – ents marching
264) During Aragorn's coronation scene when the White Tree was flowering, my friend's friend asked, "What's with all the sakura* petals?" *Sakura= cherry blossoms. – Sandicomm
265) While waiting for ROTK to start, some man said behind me to his friend, "So, what movie are we seeing again?" Those two kept on pointing the obvious through the WHOLE movie, saying things like "It's a girl!" when Eowyn pulled off her helmet, or "Look, he's dead!" at about every single freaking kill! It was hard to watch. – Ainu Laire
266) -"Behind you, d*** it!" was shouted when Shelob was sneaking up on Frodo. Whole theatre burst out laughing. – Ainu Laire
267) As Boromir's boat goes down the falls of Rauros in FOTR: "I'm still alllliiivvveee!" – Ainu Laire
268) FOTR, with the mirror of Galadriel. Galadriel: "Will you look into the mirror?" Frodo: "What will I see?" My brother as Galadriel: "Your reflection, stupid." – Ainu Laire
269) And lastly, my brother has a huge problem with Denethor... ROTK: As Denethor falls to his fiery death: "I believe I can fly..." And just through the whole movie he makes fun of him, calling him a pyromaniac and whispering, 'burn, burn!'. – Ainu Laire
270) why do they want to kill the orcs? (said by my mother, who has a problem with death in movies) – Laureanna

271) First time my friend sees Legolas in FOTR: Oh my God, He's HOT!!!! -in the Mines of Moria, as she gives my arm a death grip- Does he die? Does he? – Laureanna
272) Same friend, right before "The Ring" movie came out: oh, did you hear about the "Ring" movie? It's the sequel to that fantasy one you like." – Laureanna
273) My grandparents, in shock that we want to watch TTT: Don't people die in that movie? – Laureanna
274) Reaction to my very Elf costume with long flowing cape: Long live Harry Potter!! – Laureanna
275) read in an book somewhere: "...and Boromir, the Ranger captain..." – Laureanna
276) half my school went to the TTT midnight showing. Some big guy starts making comments about the delinquent high school kids that come to such late movies and how horrible their parents must be to let them come. My physics professor taps him on the shoulder and says, "excuse me sir, I'm their teacher and we're here to mathematically prove how deep the chasm of Khazad-dum is." – Laureanna
277) the same night, a few rows up, prior to the start of the film, and my friend Mike calls down the row: "Hey, Tiffany! What did you get on your SAT?" and Tif, now quite used to the antic, answers, "1600 Mike!" and yes that was her actual score, and we do like to take advantage of the fact... – Laureanna
278) Knowledge Bowl question, along the lines of "A character in "the Hobbit" with a sword.." the other team breaks off the question to answer: "Frodo!" (and the answer was "Gandalf" and the sword was Glambring.) – Laureanna
279) After ROTK: "So why did Frodo have to leave, I don't get it" – tosaane
280) A friends husband: "How could ROTK be nominated for Best Cinematography when it's all basically CGI and bluescreens anyway?" – LostHamster

281) My husband: "I fell asleep during the theatre version, why would I want to watch an extended DVD?" – LostHamster
282) A couple of guys sitting behind me in the cinema during some Elvish dialogue. Guy 1: What language is that? Guy 2 (very knowingly): Spanish – LostHamster
283) A very loud friend during emotional scene between Faramir and Denethor (who is eating): "Hey, that's a cool looking cup." – LostHamster
284) Same friend after the movie: "That was an okay bit of escapism, I guess" – LostHamster
285) Also from my husband: "How could you have read the book when you were a kid? The movie only came out last year" – LostHamster
286) My friend still only knows Bilbo as "Frodo's Uncle." As in: "I only watched the movie (FOTR) up the part where Frodo's Uncle wanted to see the ring again when they were with the elves." – Ivy Sandybanks
287) Prior to trilogy screenings trying to get other people to join me: "You want to do WHAT? WHY??? Why would you want to spend 10 hours in a cinema?" And that sadly from someone who says he likes the movies. – Kerewyn
288) As another trilogy session approaches, I asked a new friend if he was interested in going. "Oh I love LOTR! I especially like..... um.....", then spends next 5 minutes trying to remember name. Turns out it was Gollum. – Kerewyn
289) After watching FOTR for the first time, my mother, when asked whether she liked the movie, replied, "oh, I don't know, it's so much like a fantasy story..." – Olσtie
290) 'You remember who Eowyn is, right?' replied: 'Oh, yeah! He's the one who lived with the fairies, right?' – arwλon

291) Really early Fellowship days. During the credits: "You were right. There is going to be a sequel." – ?
292) "It was too violent." – Annael
293) "I didn't see it - I don't like movies set in outer space." – Annael
294) A friend couldn’t remember the names of the characters, so she called them The Guy With The Arrows (Boromir), The Other Guy (Aragorn), The Guy With The Hat (Gandalf), The Pointy-Eared Guy (Legolas), The Short One (Frodo) and The Other Short One (Gimli). Identifying Sam, Merry and Pippin was beyond her. But then she also thought the ugly evil creatures were Yorks, so… – Ataahua
295) What I hear, although it's not strictly about the movies is generally something along the lines of "some day you're going to grow up" or some variation thereof. I don't even bother to respond. – Lossefalme3
296) My sister-in-law, after TTT: "Well, it wasn't very realistic...." – Finding Frodo
297) A friend's grandmother, referring to Frodo struggling up Mt. Doom: “What is she doing?” – Finding Frodo
298) I always keep a Visual Companion on my desk at work. I work with many college students every day so over the years have gotten many comments. But, the one that really floored me was: "My boyfriend and I walked out after the first 1/2 hour. We had no idea what was going on and it was so boring". She obviously had comprehension issues, that's why she was my student in the first place. – Mar
299) From my own dear sis, no less: “Frodo was really annoying in ROTK, he looked so constipated throughout.” – linkinparkelf
300) Although, I remember Larry King interviewing Sean Astin and he introduces Sean as one of the stars of the LOTR movies. I'm pretty sure he refers to him as "Sam GAMGHEE" (with a soft "g") instead of Gamgee (with the hard "g"). Sean politely corrects him, "Gamgee, Samwise Gamgee." Larry has this way of looking at Sean as though Sean is mistaken. Ugh. He should have known better. – snap cotton

301) I recall someone remarking that "those twins don't look alike at all". She was referring to Merry and Pippin. – snap cotton
302) Here's one I overheard at the LOTR Exhibition in Sydney, between 2 teenage girls: GIRL 1: "Sam and Frodo were so whiney." GIRL 2: "Yeah, there's no good characters except Legolas and Aragorn." GIRL 1: "And the dwarf - what's his name?" GIRL 2: "Uh... Grim." GIRL 1: "Yeah, Grim." – Kerewyn
303) (from a celebrity announcer who does the 'arts program' at our radio station) "Lord of the Rings - what a load of rubbish that was!" – Kerewyn
304) (from a colleague who went to see ROTK, but had never seen FOTR or TTT) "I didn't really get it." – Kerewyn
305) (from US comedian Arj Barker) My girlfriend was going, "oh those trolls were so fake, you could totally tell they were CGI". I said, "yeah you're right, maybe they should have used REAL cave trolls." – Kerewyn
306) (my mother) "I saw FOTR but I just couldn't follow the story coz I got so distracted trying to figure out which were computer effects and which was real." – Kerewyn
307) "It was too violent." – Annael
308) "I didn't see it - I don't like movies set in outer space." – Annael

FOTR:50 links / Samwise's cookbook / TORn birthday calendar / 'Things you never (want to) hear people say' list

Samwise's cookbook (new & updated)

(This post was edited by Stapper on Apr 26 2009, 6:32pm)


Apr 26 2009, 6:55pm

Post #2 of 12 (1301 views)
Posted recently at imdb [In reply to] Can't Post

So... Frodo does practically the least work and gets all the credit?
Frodo stumbles and falls around throughout 90% of the Trilogy, always getting rescued by everyone else around him, yet he basically gets all the credit in the end for destroying the ring (which I'm not sure if that fall of the cliff with Gollum was intentional).

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Apr 26 2009, 7:03pm

Post #3 of 12 (1318 views)
A Similar list: Things NOT to say (or do) during "Return of the King" [In reply to] Can't Post

Things NOT to say (or do) during "Return of the King"

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"

2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."

4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.

5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.

6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."

7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"

8. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

9. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.

10. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"

11. When the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

12. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.

13. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"

14. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.

15. Start an Orc sing-a-long.

16. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

17. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"

18. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.

19. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.

20. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.

21. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!

22. After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."

2009 Tolkien Computer Monitor Calendars
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magpie avatar gallery ~ Torn Image Posting Guide


Apr 26 2009, 7:09pm

Post #4 of 12 (1307 views)
Funny [In reply to] Can't Post

The first 21 are already in my list, actually. I'll add the last one too. They're originally from Vernien_xia, according to my list. That's correct, right (as in, made by somebody else (you?) and wrongly credited)?
I'll mark them as "Things NOT to say (or do) during "Return of the King".

FOTR:50 links / Samwise's cookbook / TORn birthday calendar / 'Things you never (want to) hear people say' list

Samwise's cookbook (new & updated)

(This post was edited by Stapper on Apr 26 2009, 7:15pm)


Apr 26 2009, 7:30pm

Post #5 of 12 (1294 views)
They're all over the net [In reply to] Can't Post

I think my son gave me this list just after ROTK came out. I could swear I got a list that had something about going to a restaurant and shouting "Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys." but I don't know where that's from!

I did read part of you list... but not all (sheepish look). I was actually looking through old files for something else entirely when I saw this and opened it up.

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Apr 26 2009, 7:39pm

Post #6 of 12 (1289 views)
LOL [In reply to] Can't Post

I can imagine someone standing up in a restauraunt and shouting that. That'd be fun :)

FOTR:50 links / Samwise's cookbook / TORn birthday calendar / 'Things you never (want to) hear people say' list

Samwise's cookbook (new & updated)


Apr 26 2009, 10:27pm

Post #7 of 12 (1291 views)
And then there is the classic... [In reply to] Can't Post

"Hey, some guy named Tolkein wrote books about teh movie!"

Read the ongoing serialization of MONTY PYTHON'S 'The HOBBIT', found here:

The Party Tree

Apr 27 2009, 2:15am

Post #8 of 12 (1289 views)
This was so upsetting [In reply to] Can't Post

"Hey, wake up! Gandalf just died!"

The idea that someone could sleep through Moria, AND that someone would have the audacity to wake them up during my mourning period, is enraging.



Apr 27 2009, 9:13pm

Post #9 of 12 (1248 views)
*raises hand sheepishly* [In reply to] Can't Post

it kinda was, but the atmosphere lent to it. I was at a grill your own steakhouse, with a bunch of family and friends for me 30th and the reveal that i had a son (my second kid) on the way.


Apr 27 2009, 9:14pm

Post #10 of 12 (1267 views)
wow. [In reply to] Can't Post

300+ i'm impressed, doubly so that i didn't say something stupid enough to make the list!! hehe


Apr 29 2009, 5:29pm

Post #11 of 12 (1246 views)
Love these quotes... [In reply to] Can't Post

... and the fact that only "Ringers" will understand why they're funny!
Will try to think of some additions.......

~*Haudh-en-Ndengin the Elves named it, the Hill of Slain, and Haugh-en-Nirnaeth, the Hill of tears... the earth beneath which the swords of the Eldar and the Edain crumbled into rust*~

Made it to the Shire!!


May 6 2009, 9:08pm

Post #12 of 12 (1276 views)
This is beyond late, [In reply to] Can't Post

but I'm just getting around to reading some of the brilliant stuff for the anniversary party. This was one of the most fun of all!
Just had to thank you for doing this.

{{hugs}}} Stapper! So nice to see you around here.





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