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***TORn Anniversary Party Thread One **** Movie Magic


Apr 25 2009, 2:47pm

Post #1 of 22 (2137 views)
***TORn Anniversary Party Thread One **** Movie Magic Can't Post

Welcome! Welcome to the First Annual Founder's Day Celebration!

There are multiple parties being celebrated all over the boards today and for the rest of the weekend as we pay tribute to Xoanon, Tehanu, Calisuri and Corvar for creating this alternate Lord of the Rings universe we call home. Without them, we would not have had this wonderful site to come and discuss, dissect, debate and at times, swoon over these magnificent films.

Today we will start our celebration here on the Lord of the Rings Movie board with just a simple question to get everyone in a happy reminiscent party mood. I would dare to say that most of you excellent and admirable TORnsibs, TORnadoes or however you like to refer to yourselves are experts in these films. By this time, most of us have been here for a "terrible long count of years” as our friend Treebeard would say! But what wonderful, magical years they have been! So I ask all of you to please, share with us your story to what led you here! Was it....

This face?

This Ranger of the North?

This ELF ! ? !

Or was it just the whole dang gang and their story?

Aww...c’mon, we all know it was the two fellas below!

Whatever it may have been, it was a story that was magical and beautiful and crept into our hearts and souls and took hold. From those first whispered words against a black screen to the green fields of Hobbiton to the splendor of Rivendell, we were catapulted into Middle Earth and there, many of us have remained.

Weaver and I will be updating this thread throughout the day and into the evening with more party fun and games so be sure to come back often and check!

In telling us your own story, feel free to use a screen shot that may hold a special place in your heart. However, in so doing, please refer to magpie’s exquisite photo guidelines tutorial


to keep images small enough as to not overload the boards during the party. Magpie has included a link in this tutorial to a resizing site that is just fabulous and quite easy to use.

There's something of everything here, The Shire and the Golden Wood and Gondor and kings' houses and inns and meadows and mountains all mixed.

....and there are Elves when you want them.
Formerly A'amel from days gone by.

Luthien Rising

Apr 25 2009, 4:31pm

Post #2 of 22 (1936 views)
Howard Shore did it [In reply to] Can't Post

I was a non-Tolkien-reader, non-fantasy-movie-watcher. But the rest of the family had rented the first two movies, around the time ROTK came out. And on a working weekend in December, on my way from the kitchen to the (home) office with a cup of coffee, I was forced to stop by the eerie slow, high music over a raging battle scene. I read the books, watched the first two movies, made it to ROTK before the New Year, and made it here just after that, craving more. So, thank you, Mr. Shore! I can honestly say you changed my life.

Lúthien Rising
All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. / We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.


Apr 25 2009, 5:07pm

Post #3 of 22 (1923 views)
**“Birthday Party Post – Post your favorite saved threads about the LOTR films here! (see inside)...** [In reply to] Can't Post

Weaver invites you all to our second portion of our Party Thread ! Join in the fun ! Take it away weaver !

Have you ever loved a thread or post around here so much you saved it to your hard drive?
Post them here to share with the rest of us!

I will post a few as separate replies to get us started, from earlier ages on TORn – thanks to Inferno for digging these out of the Halls of her Computer’s Memory for us!

Here’s the first one – three “Top 10 Lists”, in honor of TORn’s 10th Anniversary…

Top 10 Reasons Tolkien is rolling in his grave…by burma

10. Orlando Bloom's been replaced by Leo DiCaprio
9. Special adults-only feature "Furry Footed Hobbit Babes in Heat"
8. Anakin Baggins
7. Cate Blanchett's been replaced by Stevie Nicks
6. No matter how hard he tried in life, he never lived up to Kellanar's expectations.
5. PJ's decision to include a special 'Ewok Dance' at the conclusion of the Scouring of the Shire
4. McDonald's tie-in 'Bill the Pony Happy Meal' too scary to contemplate
3. Last dying wish was for any film version to emphasize the 'cuddly' nature of the characters
2. Jar-Jar yes-yes

and the number one reason JRRT is Rolling in His Grave....

1. Still can't seem to settle Balrog wings issue


10. "No, Mr. Rhys-Davies, I'm positive you don't have any nude scenes."
9. "What are the little fuzzy guys called again?"
8. "Hey, HERE'S Viggo's Prozac!"
7. "I can't remember, was there a giant mechanical tarantula in the book?"
6. "It's too bad we didn't get to film the Ford scene because of those damn floods."
5. "Tell those old ladies knitting the armour that we're upping the dosage."
4. "I don't care what it costs, I don't want fake props. It's mithril or nothing."
3. "Well, I think pink is a very scary colour for a Balrog."
2. "Now remember, Orcs--big smiles!"
And the #1 disturbing thing overheard on the set of LOTR:
1. "Has this lens cap been on the whole time?"

Top Ten Discounted Movie Rumors…also by burma

10. Gimli changed to Grumpy
9. PJ's cameo is that annoying kid in Minis Tirith
8. The Balrog has wings
7. Tom Bosley as Tom Bombadil
6. Everything Harry Knowles said is true!
5. Concession stands at movie theaters to feature 'Wizard on a Stick'
4. Theme music from Led Zep's "Houses of the Holy" (no wait.. that was wishful thinking)
3. Movie tie-in deal with Victoria's Secret - you'll never think of the Cloaks of Galadriel the same way again....
2. Farmer Giles of Ham and Roverandom join the Fellowship. Sir Gawain's role is reduced.

and the number one discounted rumor....

1. In order to truly 'ruin the books' for you, PJ will personally come to your house and pee on your copy of LOTR.
Your turn! Post your favorite fun (or serious) saved threads here….or just comment in general on the kinds of threads you remember best from your time spent here.

There's something of everything here, The Shire and the Golden Wood and Gondor and kings' houses and inns and meadows and mountains all mixed.

....and there are Elves when you want them.
Formerly A'amel from days gone by.


Apr 25 2009, 5:10pm

Post #4 of 22 (1912 views)
**Favorite Saved Threads from Inferno’s Hall of Computer Memory, part 2** [In reply to] Can't Post

Here’s another old Top 10 list that we thought you’d enjoy..

The top ten most feared plot/legacy changes to be spawned in or by the upcoming movies…by Frodo Hoy

10. At the gates of Isengard, Aragorn, dressed as the Marlboro Man, leans back, pulls out his leather pouch with Skoal clearly stamped on the outside and reaching in with his right hand quips, "Just a little pinch between the cheek and gums..." Gimli pulls out a pack of Old Golds and offers one to Legolas. Merry and Pippin take a hard pull off the waterpipe they are sharing and then ask Legolas if he wouldn't mind sharing some of his Alice B. Lembas waybread. They break into uncontrollable giggles as they unwrap a couple Twinkies.
9. At Helm's Deep, a close-up shot of the lead Orcs in the attacking army reveals they are dressed in Imperial Stormtrooper armor. Their line parts to make way for trolls with special weirding weapons to blast a hole in the dike by uttering in a singsong voice, "Moooooo ahhhd deeb!"
8. At Durin's Bridge in Moria, the balrog twirls his flaming sword and cracks his whip in a display of choreography to warm the heart of the most indifferent baton-twirling majorette. Gandalf looks on in silence, resignedly touches the brim of his hat, pulls out a revolver and shoots the balrog.
7. To boost sagging market shares, Oscar Mayer pays 20 million dollars for food product spinoff rights, and immediately launches a new product - "Wizard Weiners."
6. Pippin sneaks away at night with the palantir. Peering into it, he at first sees nothing, then slowly a face emerges through the swirling cloud of the stone as a voice sounding suspiciously like James Earl Jones intones, "Took! I am your president." Inside the stone is the visage of George W. Bush. Pippin is found at dawn frozen in fear.
5. Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli sit in the grass awaiting the arrival of the Riders of Rohan returning from destroying the orc sortie. As the Riders approach, they break into a spontaneous victory song, "Booooorn in the USA!"
4. Frodo, allowing his fear to conquer him before setting out on the quest, races to the red light district in Bywater and pawns the Ring for a night of furry footed frolicking, then disappears into the Wild. The movie ends (rather quickly) with a shot of Freda Payne Bracegirdle sadly crooning into the morning light, "Since you've been gone, all I have left is a band of gold!"
3. Treebeard, mossy beard flowing in the breeze, is striding rather quickly through the forest with Merry and Pippin perched in his arms when in his path appears a shapely Entwife, long green branches rising from her head and dropping in graceful tresses to sweep the ground at her feet. In tow are several young Entlings, some bearing her graceful appearance and others bearing beards remarkably like Treebeard's. The Entwife shoots an accusatory look at Treebeard. The tall Ent drops Merry and Pippin to the floor of the forest and in a shot looking straight into the camera, wags his wooden finger and avers, " I did NOT have sex with that willow!"
2. In the race to Bruinen Ford, Frodo is dismayed to find that the Nine Riders have already arrived. In the most shameless product placement since Cast Away, the Ringwraiths pile into the Explorer at Bruinen Ford and chase Frodo and Asfaloth across the river. As luck would have it, the Firestone tires on the Explorer explode and several of the Riders are thrown out of the vehicle as it spins wildly and comes to rest in the middle of the river. All the Wraiths are swept away in the ensuing deluge of suits, countersuits and spin control launched by the lawyers and PR consultants of the two companies.
1. At the climactic battle outside the Black Gate, Gandalf lifts up his voice and cries, "The Eagles are coming! The Eagles are coming!" Then, in a fit of exasperation, he rips off his robe revealing a GAY PRIDE t-shirt, hollers, "The Eagles are not really my favorite rock group!" and then links arms with the survivors of the battle and marches them through the streets of Minas Tirith singing, "We are the champions, my friends!"

Got any suggestions for a Top 10 item that could compete with one of the above? Add it here!

There's something of everything here, The Shire and the Golden Wood and Gondor and kings' houses and inns and meadows and mountains all mixed.

....and there are Elves when you want them.
Formerly A'amel from days gone by.


Apr 25 2009, 5:20pm

Post #5 of 22 (1921 views)
**Favorite Saved Threads from Inferno’s Hall of Computer Memory, part 3** [In reply to] Can't Post

Ways The Lord of the Rings would be different if filmed by George Lucas…compiled by Inferno, re-compiled and edited by Kyriel

(Excerpts only – the full list was way too long!)
  • Opening line: "A long time ago, in a hole in the ground..." --Robin Smallburrow
  • Entire history of the Ring summarized in text crawl at the beginning of the movie. -- Idril Celebrindal
  • Gollum travels across bodies of water by walking on the bottom and using a little periscope to see out. -Kyriel

  • Orcs all wear white plastic armor. -- Idril Celebrindal
  • Orcs would not be able to hit the broadside of Minas Tirith even though they are said to be precise shots. --Ron Austin
  • All of the bad characters will have vaguely threatening English aristocratic accents. –glaze
  • Sauron was actually Gandalf's pupil "Before he turned to evil." –Saxman
  • It turns out that everyone in the Fellowship is a blood relative, including Legolas and Gimli. -- Idril Celebrindal
  • 'Tom Bombadil I am. Help you I will.' --Inferno
  • Aragorn keeps saying "it's not my fault!" when things go wrong. -ritergrrl
  • All the main characters 'have a bad feeling' about something at least once –Inferno

  • Frodo: You do not need to question us. Orc: We don't need to question them. Frodo: We are not the Hobbits you are looking for. Orc:These aren't the Hobbits were looking for. Frodo: Move on. Orc: Move on. --Robin Smallburrow

  • "You've never heard of Shadowfax? Fastest steed in Middle-Earth. He made the Kessel run under 12 parsecs." --Robin Small burrow
  • Bree, where the most wretched hive of scum and villainy hang out. We must be cautious. -Inferno
  • The Prancing Pony has a weird group of people playing funky music in the corner. -Inferno
  • Bill Ferny has the death sentence in 12 villages. -Inferno
  • Middle Earth looks suspiciously like Bakersfield, CA. -Blue Wizard
  • Nazgul drive '57 Chevys --Blue Wizard
  • Drag race across the ford to Rivendell --Blue Wizard
  • Additional inscription on The One Ring: "Class of '62" –Blue Wizard
  • Fuzzy dice hanging on Eomer's horse -Saxman
  • Pippin and Merry use The Force to get Orcs to untie them. --Nimrodel
  • A young Aragorn holding up a broken sword in front of Gandalf. "I never knew my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather was in the orc wars."--Robin Smallburrow
    Gandalf escapes Orthanc by first claiming a wizard staff malfunction than sliding down a convenient chute and escaping through the infamous Orc breeding Pits. -Ron Austin
  • When Gandalf dies, Frodo will look sad for a moment, say "I can't believe he's gone," and then he'll be completely over it. -Gaffer
  • Gimli speaks only in beeps and whistles --Kyriel
  • Eomer's braid mysteriously switches from one side of his head to the other -Kyriel

  • Barad Dur will be destroyed with a single arrow shot down the exhaust port. -burma
    Saruman will fall into a pit -burma
  • Sauron will fall into a pit -burma
  • Denethor will fall into a pit --burma
  • Frodo and Sam won't go into Mount Doom alone. There will be a bunch of other "expendable" Hobbits, and the Witch King will chase after them and pick them off one by one until Frodo and Sam are the only ones left. -Gaffer
  • At the Cracks of Doom, Frodo hears Bilbo's voice saying, "Don't use the Ring, Frodo..." -Bullroarer
  • Gollum won't actually fall into Mount Doom on the first try. He'll slip and fall and land on a ledge, and Sam will say "negative. It didn't go in. Just impacted on the surface."-Gaffer

  • Twenty years from now, The Silmarillion will be released amid unbefore-seen media hype, and will not *quite* meet the expectations. -Saxman

  • All non-human good characters will have fur or be cute. -glaze
  • Minas Tirith - floating in clouds. -Eledhwen
    Boromir is frozen in carbonite instead of being sent down Anduin in a boat. -- Idril Celebrindal
    Aragorn is verified as the heir to Isildur by his high midi-chlorian count. -- Idril Celebrindal
    Fortunately, they change Arwen's hairdo after the first film –ritergrrl

Got any Lucas-isms to add? Post them here!

There's something of everything here, The Shire and the Golden Wood and Gondor and kings' houses and inns and meadows and mountains all mixed.

....and there are Elves when you want them.
Formerly A'amel from days gone by.


Apr 25 2009, 5:25pm

Post #6 of 22 (1910 views)
Music.. [In reply to] Can't Post

Another favorite Professor of mine is quoted as saying..." Ah music, a magic beyond all we do here ".

That about says it all when it comes to Mr. Shores scoring and themes of these films.

There's something of everything here, The Shire and the Golden Wood and Gondor and kings' houses and inns and meadows and mountains all mixed.

....and there are Elves when you want them.
Formerly A'amel from days gone by.


Apr 25 2009, 6:30pm

Post #7 of 22 (1921 views)
Layers [In reply to] Can't Post

I was so profoundly moved by my experiences from Dec 2001-August 2002, that I wrote a journal. I wrote:
The summer of 2002 became a whirlwind, an obsession with LOTR! I’m starting this journal on August 11, 2002­—trying to document, capture, understand, come to grips with what has happened to me. The time table is fuzzy and perhaps unimportant as I remember back over this summer. In the long run, it all came in dribs and drabs. Like a fugue that starts with a lone instrument and slowly adds others, finally ending in a glorious crescendo. I think it may be easier to just visit each facet of my experience and ramble where I may.

That structure kind of works for addressing your questions and it seems appropriate to quote extensively from that journal. My first reactions:
First they gave a back-story of the dark lord Sauron, the forging of the rings and the One Ring to rule them all—how the ring was lost, found, lost again and found by Bilbo Baggins. Then Gandalf arrived for Bilbo’s birthday party. Outside Bag End they blow smoke rings and smoke ships! COOL! At the party, Gandalf lets loose a shower of huge fireworks. I leaned over to my son and said, “I’m going to like this movie a lot!”

The kids and I saw the movie a week later. I definitely liked the movie. I liked the Elves. (I remembered thinking Ray looked like an Elf!) I loved Elrond’s hair and the leaf brooches that the Fellowship suddenly had at the end of the movie. I liked Arwen whispering to her horse as they rode from the Ringwraiths. I liked LEGOLAS!

I saw the movie twice over the winter and then it came to my local second run theater. I ended up seeing it 7 times there. Once with the whole family. A few times with various family members and a few times by myself.
#7. July, 2002; Riverview, matinee ~ alone. When asked if there were a lot of repeat viewers, the ticket seller replied, ‘Everyone here’s seen in at least seven times.” There were about 10-15 people in the theater at this point. No one exclaimed or laughed. We all knew what was going to happen. We all knew when to go to the bathroom. Some young person always got fidgety in the last 30 minutes.

#9. August 1, 2002; Riverview, matinee ~ alone. I realized that this would be Number 9. A significant number I thought. (9 Travelers/9 Ringwraiths)
A few more people were there, maybe 20. There seemed to be some ‘virgins’ in the theater who delighted in the fireworks, smoke rings and jokes and gasped at the deaths. This was the last showing at the Riverview.
The DVD came out 5 days later.

Things I noticed over 9 viewings
  • Legolas' look at Gimli at Council of Elrond
  • Legolas walking on snow and pulling Gandalf back just before the avalanche
  • Legolas pulling Boromir back from drop-off in Moria
  • Legolas' split cloak to accommodate his quiver
  • The carrot in Pippin's pocket at they flee from the Ringwraith
  • The carrot in the burping man's hand outside the Prancing Pony (Peter Jackson)
  • The hobbits fell off an embankment at the beginning of the movie but don't fall off in Moria. They've become more savvy.
The soundtrack... I wrote:
After the fourth viewing, I asked to borrow my son’s soundtrack. (Even though we had seen the new Star War’s movie for my son’s birthday, he asked for the LOTR soundtrack for a birthday present.) I soon purchased my own copy of the soundtrack. Now at the end of the summer it makes me cry.

I found, and printed out a website that lists the Elvish lyrics from the soundtrack.
ha... that was the beginning of a glorious obsession!

I wasn't much of an social internet person at that point. In fact, I only used the internet to find images and do research for my lesson plans. But LOTR changed all that. My obsession made me mad to find anything Tolkien related and I found a lot, especially about the movie. Among my numerous entries about websites I found, I wrote this:
TheOneRing.net (TOR.n) became my home site. I check it up to 5x a day.
But that was the home page, I didn't know about the message board for a long time and even after figuring out there were some, I didn't even lurk for ages. I had other homes that I was happy in. It wasn't until they evaporated after ROTK that I sought these out. Over time, I began to realize that the conversations on the movie board were the type that suited me. We're really talking about 'the story' and even when there are differences between the book and the movie, the discussion is still about 'the story'.

Basically, this is where I find my favorite comfortable chair.. where I can kick off my shoes.. and relax with friends I enjoy completely.

2009 Tolkien Computer Monitor Calendars
LOTR soundtrack website : CD Editions & Similarities Updates March 08
magpie avatar gallery ~ Torn Image Posting Guide

Grey Havens

Apr 25 2009, 7:10pm

Post #8 of 22 (1936 views)
What brought me here was... [In reply to] Can't Post

this gentleman, and most of all, his writing and imagination:

So, I'd like to say again: "thank you, professor" in addition to my thanks to the founders of this most respectable and wonderful site! Wink

However, I must admit that this gentleman below played quite a big role too... Cool

Also, so many people behind the scenes.

But the reason why I love all mentioned above is my deep love towards this fairy land of mine:

After all these years, it still takes my breath away. Just like Tolkien's works! Heart

Culinary journey through Middle Earth continues! Join us on April 30th on the Main board for the renewed thread!

Middle earth recipes archive

I believe

Lily Fairbairn

Apr 25 2009, 8:03pm

Post #9 of 22 (1910 views)
Some of the threads I've saved [In reply to] Can't Post

But I know I lost several of Darkstone's most excellent jokes in a hard-drive crash a couple of years ago!

Here are three that still make me laugh out loud. The first two have attributions but I managed to copy the third without one -- I hope whoever wrote it is still here and will step up and take credit.

'Rings' characters discuss Oscar snub
by Molly J. Ringwraith
Jan. 27, 2004

MINAS TIRITH (AP) - The city of Minas Tirith has been abuzz today over the
news that 'The Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King,' while receiving
11 nominations including Best Picture and Best Director, did not receive any
nominations for acting.

"Eleven nominations?" said Pippin Took, of the Shire. "Well, that's good

His friend Meriadoc Brandybuck responded by swatting him over the head with
the newspaper and protesting, "But the cast is a part of this movie! Aren't

Their kinsman Frodo Baggins shared Brandybuck's dismay. Upon reading the
list of nominations, Baggins commented with an ironic chuckle, "They've left
out one of the chief characters: the cast. I want to hear more about them."
Waxing solemn and soulful, he added, "The movie wouldn't have got far
without the cast."

"You almost don't want to watch the awards ceremony," contributed Baggins'
gardener and loyal valet, Samwise Gamgee, "because how can it be happy? How
can the awards go right when so much bad has been nominated? Folks in that
Academy had lots of chances of voting for these actors, only they didn't."

Legolas Greenleaf, of the Mirkwood realm, commented somewhat cryptically on
the Academy's choices, "A red sun rises. Lame decisions have been made this
night." When asked to clarify his opinion, he told reporters that he had not
the heart, for the grief was still too near, and retired for a walk in the

His companion, Gimli son of Gloin, had sharper remarks to make upon the
chosen nominees. "Mystic River? What madness drew them there? You'll find
more cheer in a graveyard!"

But wizard Gandalf the White urged a more optimistic approach. "Do not be
too eager to deal out Oscars in judgement," he advised. "That is not for us
to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the Oscars we are

Meanwhile, his colleague Saruman the formerly-White was in favor of
retaliation against the Academy: "Too long have those peasants stood against
us," Saruman said, referring to the Academy's failure to give any fantasy
film the Best Picture Oscar yet. "Leave none alive! To war! There will be no
dawn for film critics!"

Treebeard, of the Ents, told reporters after much deliberation and
exchanging of long names, that he was in agreement with this proposed course
of action. "There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for
this treachery," he declared. "My business is with Beverly Hills tonight.
With heads made of cotton candy and rock."

"I do not doubt their hearts," Eomer of Rohan conceded. "Only the size of
their brains." He then returned to the task of loading up forty of his men
and horses with toilet paper and Maps to the Stars' Homes, for a "secret
midnight mission" that he regretted he could not give details about.

At least one individual, calling himself Smeagol, claimed to be making plans
to steal the Oscar statuettes. "Oscar is sooo pretty, sooo golden," said
Smeagol. "We will take the statuesss once the Hollywood snobses are dead!
Ye-esss, precious!" He then quickly added, groveling at the feet of
reporters, "No! No! We were only joking! Smeagol wouldn't hurt a fly! Nice
movie industry." He crawled away before he could be questioned further.

Still others appeared not to care about the snub. Lady Eowyn of Rohan said
with a shrug, "The women of this country learned long ago that those without
Oscar nominations may still get dates to awards ceremonies. I fear neither
critics nor fans."

Lord Boromir, a native of Minas Tirith, dismissed the
concerns, claiming, "Gondor has no actors. Gondor needs no actors."

But overall the mood was one of mild disgust. As Lord Aragorn put it to
reporters, "The day may come when the Academy is able to find their ass with
a flashlight. But this is not that day."

Obviously this is a parody, the characters are Tolkien's and the style is based on the classic picture book by Judith Viorst. But the parody part is mine. My own. My precious...

Aragorn and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
by Poppins

Last night when I went to bed I had aethelas in my mouth and now there’s aethelas in my hair and when I got up I tripped over my sheath and by mistake I dropped my razor into the sink while the water was running and I had to go to the Council of Elrond with stubble and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At the Council, Gandalf didn’t introduce me and Boromir made faces at me and when I stuck my tongue out at him Elrond yelled at me for being rude and now I have to copy “My courtesy is somewhat lessened of late” 100 times and they still won’t let me reforge the shards of Narsil.

I think I’ll move to Australia.

When we left, Legolas got to lead a hobbit, and Gimli got to lead a hobbit, and Gandalf got to lead a hobbit, and even Boromir got to lead a hobbit, but I had to lead Bill the Pony. I said I was getting lonely. I said Bill was smelly and there were flies. I said, I am going to be sick. No one even answered.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

In the Mines of Moria Gandalf got to be the leader and Frodo got to talk to him and Gimli got to tell anecdotes and Legolas looked good in the dim lighting but I had to walk behind the hobbits and I don’t know what they ate for second breakfast but it made the rotting corpses smell good. I told everyone I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and no one even answered.

Then Frodo said that I wasn’t his best friend anymore and that Sam was his best friend and Gandalf was his second best friend and I was only his third best friend. I hope you sit on Sting, I said to Frodo. I hope the next time you get a strawberry lembas the strawberries all fall off and land in Australia. And Frodo said he was going to run away and never play with me again and then he did.

And a gang of orcs attacked us and killed Boromir and now I have to run across a million-billion miles to get Merry and Pippin back.

At Edoras Wormtongue was mean to me and Eowyn fell in love with me and wanted to kiss me. Yuck. I hate kissing. Gandalf only played with Theoden and said that we all had to go to Helm’s Deep. On the way wargs attacked us and one dragged me off the cliff and it felt like I landed in Australia.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because at Helm’s Deep Legolas got to invent skateboarding and Gimli got to invent dwarf-tossing and Eomer and Gandalf got to invent horse-jumping but I broke a tooth. The dentist says I have to come back to get it fixed next week.

Next week, I said, I’m going to Australia.

But instead I had to go through the Paths of the Dead and now I have to lead a bunch of icky undead guys into a hopeless battle and then take them sailing and I always get seasick. If we do win, which we won’t, I’ll have to brush my hair and I hate brushing my hair because it gets knots in it. And I’ll have to marry Arwen and sing a song in front of all the Gondorians and Elrond will scowl at me because he always scowls at me.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Gandalf says some days are like that.

Even in Australia.


How many hobbits does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and the other to look in his eyes and say “I’m glad you’re with me.”

How many Wizards does it take to change a light bulb?
None. There are better things to do with the time that is given to you.

How many Arwens does it take to change a light bulb?
None. She’s fallen mysteriously ill and doesn’t have the energy.

How many Dwarves does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. Well, actually it takes four, in order to reach. But it still only counts as one!

How many Elves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three: One to fire an arrow at a stone wall at such an angle that it ricochets off the wall, a mirror, the floor, a wine jug, a passing troll, eventually flying past the ceiling and dislodging the bulb. Then one to find and install the sacred lightbulb of Tintalle Varda, filled with the eternal waters of Elendil’s drink bottle, and the last one to comment: “A new light fills the sky. A shining power rises in the East.”

How many Dark Lords does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s what orcs are for.

How many Orcs does it take to change a lightbulb.
None. They try but keep getting hit in the head by small rocks thrown by the two hobbits who are still trying to change their lightbulb.

How many Aragorns does it take the change a lightbulb?
It depends on whether the lightbulb can be reforged or not.

How many Gollums does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, ‘cause we hatesss lightbulbs, we does. And it was the fat hobbits fault. HE smashed the lightbulb. We sees him do it!

How many Sarumans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Forty-thousand and one. One to change it but then find out the lightbulb-changing scene has been cut, and the other forty-thousand to get a petition going to reinstate this scene.

How many Eowyns does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Well they didn't have any light bulbs in Rohan, but if they did, it would be one. Eowyn would insist on doing it herself, but only if Aragorn was there to watch.

And how many Faramirs does it take?
A. None, because Denethor would have Boromir do it.

How many ents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. "Never heard of a light bulb before..... SOUNDS LIKE ORC MISCHIEF TO ME!!!!"

How many Peter Jacksons does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to change it, the other to have the new bulb fall dramatically off a cliff, smash and die offscreen, and the last one to rewrite this sentence so the lightbulb didn’t actually smash and die, but just to make the audience think it did.

That's all folks!

* * * * * * *
Do we walk in legends or on the green earth in the daylight?

A man may do both. For not we but those who come after will make the legends of our time. The green earth, say you? That is a mighty matter of legend, though you tread it under the light of day!

Forum Admin / Moderator

Apr 25 2009, 8:50pm

Post #10 of 22 (1913 views)
Easy: Figwit is Evil [In reply to] Can't Post

The shocking truth.


Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.

Ataahua's stories

Forum Admin / Moderator

Apr 25 2009, 9:01pm

Post #11 of 22 (1903 views)
And my favourite Top Ten list: [In reply to] Can't Post

Top 10 reasons why balrogs don't fly
by Idril Celebrindal

10. Whip doesn't fit in overhead luggage bin.
9. Frequent flyer miles unusable in Middle-earth.
8. Not enough legroom in tiny airplane seats.
7. Prefer riding Greyhound Bus for a truly evil traveling experience.
6. Flaming sword interferes with air traffic control system and cockpit electronics.
5. Allergic to airline peanuts.
4. No first class upgrades on Angband to Moria flights.
3. Swore off flying after bad experience with drunken Ringwraiths on the red-eye to Mordor.
2. FAA regulations prohibit open fires in passenger compartment.
And the number one reason why balrogs don't fly ...
1. No wings :-)

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.

Ataahua's stories

Aunt Dora Baggins

Apr 25 2009, 11:12pm

Post #12 of 22 (1910 views)
Actually, that first image [In reply to] Can't Post

of the fireworks is what I remember seeing as my very first peek at what the upcoming movies were going to be. It must have been late 2000 or early 2001. I remember wondering if I would live long enough to see all three movies (I know, melodramatic, but I had waited thirty years for a live-action LotR).

"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com

One Ringer
Tol Eressea

Apr 26 2009, 12:47pm

Post #13 of 22 (1933 views)
Ian Holm did it for me ... [In reply to] Can't Post

I'd read 'The Hobbit' and then LOTR. When I first saw these movies, they were just so magical and real that they immediately became my favorites. However, I alwaysh ad a great passion for 'The Hobbit', and Bilbo has alwaysb een one of my favorite characters, and the moment I saw Bilbo for the first time--

--there was just this feeling that told me this was right. It couldn't be any better. I had found my movie. It is a moment I will never forget. Smile

What Could Have Been - an ongoing discussion of things that may or may not have been in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

Forum Admin / Moderator

Apr 26 2009, 6:57pm

Post #14 of 22 (1857 views)
FOTR's prologue, by Darkstone: [In reply to] Can't Post

During Lottelita’s ROTK Scene Discussion: "The Finding of the Ring" she asked the following:
If you couldn’t use "The Finding of the Ring" to open ROTK, how would you do it?

I parve prestar aen.
(The book is changed)

han mathon ne Faramir dagor.
(I feel it in Faramir’s Charge)

han mathon ne Denethor drammon.
(I feel it in the Steward Whacking)

a han noston ne Samwise gwand.
(I smell it in Samwise leaving.)

Much that once was is lost. For lots of stuff is left out of it.


Narrator: It began with the filming of the Lord of the Rings. FOTR was gifted to the fans, immortal, wisest and fairest of all movies. TTT to the fanboys, with great action scenes, and cliffhangers every 5 minutes. And the third, the third was for the Oscars, who above all else, desire ticket sales. For within this story was bound the themes and images to govern each group. But they were all of them deceived, for three other films were made.

In the land of New Zealand, in the darkness of WETA Workshop, the Kiwi Jackson forged in secret the Extended Editions, to outsell all others. And into these EEs, he poured his extras, his outtakes, and his will to dominate all Film.
"One Trilogy to rule them all."

One by one, the Real Fans of Middle-Earth fell to the power of the films. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Naysayers and Nitpickers marched against the armies of Jackson and on the boards of TheOneRing.net they fought for the purity of Middle-Earth.

Nitpicker "Tangado haid! Hado i philinn!
(Hold [your] positions! Fire the arrows!)

Victory was near. But the power of the Film could not be undone.

Fanboy: "Kewl!!"

Fangirl: "Drool!!"

It was in this moment when all hope had faded, that Naysayer, son of Nitpicker, took up his father's words.

Naysayer: "That is not in the book!"

Jackson, the enemy of the Real Fans of Middle-Earth was defeated. The Film passed to Naysayer, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever.

But the hearts of TORnsibs are easily corrupted. And the Film of Power has a will of its own. It betrayed Naysayer to his death. And some scenes that should not have been omitted were cut.

FOTR became legend, TTT became myth and for twenty-five and a half fortnights, the Film passed out of all knowledge.
Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer.

Fangirl: My Precioussssss!

Narrator: The Film came to the non-reading public, who took it deep into the depths of general culture. And there, they consumed it.

Fangirl: It came to me, my own, my love, my own, my prrrrreciousssss! Orli!

Narrator: The Film brought to TORn unnatural long life. For over four years it poisoned its boards. And in the gloom of Jackson’s WETA, it waited. FOTR and TTT won a few Oscars. Rumor grew of a lock in the Academy, whispers of a total sweep, and the Film of Power perceived. Its time had now come.

It abandoned Real Fans.

And something happened then the Real Fans did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable.

Non-Reader: What’s this?

Narrator: A Non-Reader! A clueless mundane from Real Life.

Non-Reader: A Film!

Real Fan: (from afar) Losssst! My precious is lost!

Narrator: For the times soon come when Hobbits will play tickle party on the beds of the Houses of Healing.

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.

Ataahua's stories


Apr 27 2009, 1:41am

Post #15 of 22 (1827 views)
Wizards brought me here :D [In reply to] Can't Post

This one,

This one,

and this one :D


"Barney Snow was here." ~Hug like a hobbit!~ "In my heaven..."

I really need these new films to take me back to, and not re-introduce me to, that magical world.

TORn's Observations Lists

Grey Havens

Apr 28 2009, 5:46am

Post #16 of 22 (1826 views)
Ringer Reviews. [In reply to] Can't Post

I finally got to see FOTR in January 2002, and when I started Googling for movie reviews, I found the Ringer Reviews and posted my own. Then I noticed that there were message boards, lurked for a couple weeks, and registered and started posting when I just had to join the discussion.

Hobbit Family Histories


Apr 28 2009, 4:21pm

Post #17 of 22 (1816 views)
I agree... [In reply to] Can't Post

Howard Shore also changed my life. Because of his fantastic score, I was introduced to the world of film music and now enjoy marianelli and desplat among others.

Mr. Shore's music never fails me to relive the whole LOTR experience all over again. I'm ok for not watching the trilogy in years (which I succesfully did) but I cant stand NOT listening to the Complete Recordings once in a while. Suddenly, I'm LOTR crazy again... :D

Thank you Howard Shore!


Apr 28 2009, 5:03pm

Post #18 of 22 (1815 views)
Howard Shore [In reply to] Can't Post

[inline Gand6.jpg]
I've been a soundtrack fan for years. I love the LOTR's tracks. Also have Marionilli's Atonement and The Brave One.Great listening. I see the movies every time I have the music on. Wow what a great weekend of fans coming together.


Apr 28 2009, 5:54pm

Post #19 of 22 (1828 views)
a question on terminology [In reply to] Can't Post

Should it be the "Inaugural" FDC (as i think it should)...or the "First Annual"? i tend to think that the annual doesn't happen until there has already been a first instance; but i've seen both almost interchangably.

and to address the topic...
i started visiting TORn waaay back before it was actually TORn (wasn't it tolkienonline.com?) as i was always a rather obsessive tolkien geek (read the books yearly from the time i was in 7th/8th grade when i read them for the first time) and i wanted all i could find on info for the films etc. i didn't join the message boards until much later (couple years ago maybe) and didn't actually de-lurk until sometime later...

(This post was edited by weathertop on Apr 28 2009, 6:01pm)

Forum Admin / Moderator

Apr 28 2009, 8:13pm

Post #20 of 22 (1849 views)
No, actually... [In reply to] Can't Post

TORn was always TORn. Though I think TORC (TheOneRing.Com) changed their name and became TolkienOnline.com....if my rusty memory still serves, that is. Prior to the release of the films TORN and TORC were rivals of a sort, but when TORN forged a relationship with the filmmakers and started getting a lot of press we...well, we didn't really have any rivals after that point, especially not for movie-related news. Somewhere along the line, TORC changed their name, presumably to be less similar to us. A lot of people used to get the URLs mixed up and land at the wrong site and wonder why everything seemed so different. I did it a time or two myself in the very early days, but soon learned that I preferred TORN and here I've stayed!


"Of all faces those of our familiares are the ones both most difficult to play fantastic tricks with, and most difficult really to see with fresh attention. They have become like the things which once attracted us by their glitter, or their colour, or their shape, and we laid hands on them, and then locked them in our hoard, acquired them, and acquiring ceased to look at them.
Creative fantasy, because it is mainly trying to do something else [make something new], may open your hoard and let all the locked things fly away like cage-birds. The gems all turn into flowers or flames, and you will be warned that all you had (or knew) was dangerous and potent, not really effectively chained, free and wild; no more yours than they were you."
-On Fairy Stories


Apr 29 2009, 4:59am

Post #21 of 22 (1814 views)
my apologies [In reply to] Can't Post

you're right, there were a couple rivals back then; just wasn't sure which was what. don't matter now anyhow as i'm here, and here waaay too often!! well maybe not often enough. hehe

Forum Admin / Moderator

Apr 30 2009, 3:03am

Post #22 of 22 (1927 views)
No apology needed. [In reply to] Can't Post

Just thought I'd clarify the history a bit. The TORN/TORC thing confused a lot of people.


"Of all faces those of our familiares are the ones both most difficult to play fantastic tricks with, and most difficult really to see with fresh attention. They have become like the things which once attracted us by their glitter, or their colour, or their shape, and we laid hands on them, and then locked them in our hoard, acquired them, and acquiring ceased to look at them.
Creative fantasy, because it is mainly trying to do something else [make something new], may open your hoard and let all the locked things fly away like cage-birds. The gems all turn into flowers or flames, and you will be warned that all you had (or knew) was dangerous and potent, not really effectively chained, free and wild; no more yours than they were you."
-On Fairy Stories


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