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orcbane
Gondor
Mar 4 2009, 3:16pm
Post #1 of 29
(8910 views)
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orcbane vs Aunt Dora Baggins
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orcbane mounted, with a flamethrower against our Aunt Dora baggins with a bowling ball and her left hand duct taped over her right eye. 
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diedye
Grey Havens
Mar 4 2009, 4:35pm
Post #2 of 29
(4161 views)
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Blessed are the cracked,
For they are the ones who let in the light!
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orcbane
Gondor
Mar 4 2009, 6:23pm
Post #3 of 29
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Ok...make the bowling ball a grapefruit and...
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get me off this bleeping horse. How the bleep am I supposed to manage a flamethrower on a...who's idea was this anyway!
On second thought I better also bring 200 ROK marines to hold back the inevitable counterattack. Sibs never are alone. 
(This post was edited by orcbane on Mar 4 2009, 6:28pm)
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Idril Celebrindal
Tol Eressea
Mar 5 2009, 4:15pm
Post #4 of 29
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Aunt Dora pwns you! 
With caffeine, all things are possible.
The pity of Bilbo will screw up the fate of many.
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orcbane
Gondor
Mar 5 2009, 6:07pm
Post #5 of 29
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That was just the press Photo Op anyway, so for realzies...
orcbane with an armful of Godiva Chocolate boxes and a trident !
Aunt Dora baggins shrinkwrapped to a pallet of Mountain Dew
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Alassëa Eruvande
Valinor
Mar 5 2009, 6:12pm
Post #6 of 29
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It's not Aunt Dora you have to worry about,
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it's ME!
*pounces on orcbane, relieves him of Godiva chocolate*
*frees ADB from Mountain Dew, makes her chug one*
*ADB gets all Pythagorean on orcbane's @$$*
And suddenly the Ainur saw afar off a light, as it were a cloud with a living heart of flame.
SFTH Archive
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orcbane
Gondor
Mar 5 2009, 9:16pm
Post #7 of 29
(4098 views)
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Back you Texas Chocolate fiend !
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Pythagorean ?
I'll have to look that up...but later, and somebody stepped on my trident and broke it!
OK. kid gloves off now.
orcbane with a prototype XM-8 carbine
a boatload of Somali oil pirates, and a Whitman Sampler
Aunt Dora Baggins with a basket of tiny liddle kittens,
120 lbs of overdue library books on her back and
she is stuck in a tar pit.
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Alassëa Eruvande
Valinor
Mar 5 2009, 10:58pm
Post #9 of 29
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Pythagorean--you know, in geometry, A squared + B squared = C squared, to describe a right triangle. Cause ADB teaches math in RL.
Okay, orcbane attempts to fire the rifle, but since it is a prototype, and probably made in China of inferior plastic, it misfires and jams.
Meanwhile, the Somali pirates mistake the tar for oil and immediately set about to drain the pit. They are stupid; that's why they are pirates. This frees ADB from the goo. Also, the kittens have fleas, which causes them to shed and there is fur all over the place. It sticks to the pirates, who are now covered in tar. Since there aren't many cats in Somalia, the pirates are all allergic. They immediately swell up and begin to sneeze and itch, rendering them incapacitated. The kittens think they want to play and romp on over to the pirates, making the allergies worse.
Aunt Dora, recognizing a miscreant when she sees one, takes orcbane by the ear and has him gather up her library books. Utterly defeated, orcbane mumbles, "Yes'm," as he heads back to the library to turn the books in.
Victory! ADB.
Alassëa eats the chocolate.
And suddenly the Ainur saw afar off a light, as it were a cloud with a living heart of flame.
SFTH Archive
(This post was edited by Alassëa Eruvande on Mar 5 2009, 11:03pm)
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orcbane
Gondor
Mar 6 2009, 1:48am
Post #10 of 29
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" when she gathers them from around your corpse "
What kind of Arwen's daughter are you !? Arwen is so nice and reads books. She might drop one now and again but she doesn't kill people with them! But good thinking with the Overdue Missile Books.
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orcbane
Gondor
Mar 6 2009, 2:46am
Post #11 of 29
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I am attempting to fight a....Mathematician ? God, it's worse the I thought. What's a 'Miscreant' ? Well, whatever that is, at least you didn't kill me. The ol' allegic Somali cat-trick eh?
(Tilts head) Air support.
orcbane with a pair of Nightstawker Black Hawks with M230 chain guns
My uncle George,
a case of lip balm, and a Dwarvish War Kazoo
Aunt Dora Baggins with $1.73 in mixed change and is encased in the Northern ice cap
Oh, and orcbane also has the entire crack 402nd Chinese People's Army Infantry Regiment.
They are not happy about all the Chinese manufacturing jibs.
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Eowyn of Penns Woods
Valinor
Mar 6 2009, 4:44am
Post #12 of 29
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Wow! I guess ghosts really can communicate with the living!
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Because I killed you for creating a scenario which places kittens in such a dangerous location AND in the line of fire simply for your own amusement. ;)
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Eowyn of Penns Woods
Valinor
Mar 6 2009, 6:55am
Post #13 of 29
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HE made me do it! And we always does what Precious asks, yessss... =)
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Mar 6 2009, 12:49pm
Post #14 of 29
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ROFLMAO! Never mind Pythagorean:
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*Charges in with the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus in one hand and an astrolabe in the other*
Thanks for watching my back, AE. How about some of that chocolate?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories
leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Mar 6 2009, 1:10pm
Post #15 of 29
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I turn my back on the arena for a year or two and look what happens.
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As Churchy la Femme would say, "Wad eye do?"
Luckily for me, dernwyn gave me a heads up. It's six AM and I have to get ready for work, but when I get there I'll get the giant slide rule off the wall and be back...
Check out page 6 of this: http://www.aims.edu/about/pio/alive/2008/AimsMagazineNo2.pdf
That's me with the abacus *winds orcbane through the beads in the abacus*
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"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories
leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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orcbane
Gondor
Mar 6 2009, 1:10pm
Post #16 of 29
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What kind of monster do you think I am ?
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I would never use live kittens! Those two were killed in a tragic motorcycle accident and after figeting with the poses I just coated them with hairspray and stapled them to a board.
As far as ghosts go, in my book of armaments its says "although they can raise a nasty welt, braids are not normally lethal." So I am not dead and take that! (squeezes the War Kazoo handle so hard the banana bursts out of the peel, and it hits Eowyn OPW right in the nose)
Anyway, how in the heck did you get past the entire 402nd Chinese People's Army Infantry Regiment !? Well, I won't be renting for any more 'Crack Regiments', that's for sure.
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Alassëa Eruvande
Valinor
Mar 6 2009, 3:04pm
Post #17 of 29
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in his typical way, has gotten drunk and forgotten his pants. He scrambles into one of the Blackhawks and attempts to take off in it. Being a monkey, and despite having opposable thumbs, he mishandles the stick (STOP it!) and crashes into the other helicopter. The ensuing fireball increases global warming by a tenth of a degree and melts the northern ice cap. Fortunately, Uncle George is able to escape the inferno, but cops the lip balm to put on his burned bum, having no pants and all.
Meanwhile, ADB emerges from the melting ice cap. She pays off the Chinese army with her pocket change. (After all, they are really peasants just looking for a better life and $1.73 is a lot of scratch!)
Having shot the Dwarvish kazoo at EoPW, orcbane is helpless. ADB takes pity on him, for he is wretched. Rather than dealing out death in judgement, ADB scrounges up one of the Mountain Dews and offers it to orcbane. Then they share a laugh as ADB says, "I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times, you can't beat a mathematician who is in her prime."
And there was much rejoicing.
And suddenly the Ainur saw afar off a light, as it were a cloud with a living heart of flame.
SFTH Archive
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Mar 6 2009, 4:02pm
Post #18 of 29
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Your version of ADB is a lot cleverer than I am :-D
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I'm going to be laughing about this all day:
""I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times, you can't beat a mathematician who is in her prime." How many times has a mathematical induction proof showed up in the arena? That has to be a first. *goes off to algebra class giggling*
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"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories
leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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dernwyn
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Mar 6 2009, 4:04pm
Post #19 of 29
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They're not all they're "cracked up" to be, eh?
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But then, it depends on whether they're called a "crack" army because of certain drug habits...
Plus, their English is not very good, so when you said "Lunge!" they thought you said "Lunch", and headed off to the mess tent!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I desired dragons with a profound desire"
"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915
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dernwyn
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Mar 6 2009, 4:05pm
Post #20 of 29
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Weapons of Math Instruction, that is!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I desired dragons with a profound desire"
"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915
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orcbane
Gondor
Mar 6 2009, 5:15pm
Post #21 of 29
(3987 views)
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Yes and they look really painful !
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Especially that pointy object. Great pic ADB!
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Mar 6 2009, 5:26pm
Post #22 of 29
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Well, this is a femine board, you know.
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And I remember how gallant you were in that never-to-be-forgotten thread, so I'm willing to conced the victory in this little skirmish to you. Or if you want to go a few more rounds, I'm game. This was a great surprise when I woke up this morning.
(That pointy object is made of paper, and I think it's a stellated icosahedron. But it would look good on a mace, wouldn't it?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories
leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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orcbane
Gondor
Mar 6 2009, 5:29pm
Post #23 of 29
(3921 views)
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I hope there is a Mountain Dew for
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Uncle George. I used up the banana.
Your tough, you know that ?
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Alassëa Eruvande
Valinor
Mar 6 2009, 5:38pm
Post #24 of 29
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I'm sure we can scrounge one up somewhere! I might even have a few chocolates left. 
Orcbane, this has been one crazy battle. I haven't laughed so hard in a while. What inspired you to take on Aunt Dora, anyway?
And suddenly the Ainur saw afar off a light, as it were a cloud with a living heart of flame.
SFTH Archive
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orcbane
Gondor
Mar 6 2009, 8:08pm
Post #25 of 29
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Under flag of Truce or Has anyone seen Uncle George ?
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And I remember how gallant you were in that never-to-be-forgotten thread, so I'm willing to conced the victory in this little skirmish to you. Or if you want to go a few more rounds, I'm game. This was a great surprise when I woke up this morning.
(That pointy object is made of paper, and I think it's a stellated icosahedron. But it would look good on a mace, wouldn't it?)
Dearest Aunt Dora Baggins,
Let us call this just a reconnaissance in force, a testing of each others defenses. Your seconds certainly had the best of the skirmishing. My allies put up a very poor showing. You know its a bad day when Uncle George puts in the most creditable performance. Too bad it was taking down our own choppers. So let us lay aside War Kazoo and 'stellated icosahedron' and perhaps pick up the contest again another day. Also, to be frank my War Chest is in need of some replenishment, as those Godiva's weren't cheap. But you might want to locate poor banana splattered Eowyn OPW, for I fear she is in some danger while Uncle George is on the loose.
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