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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: The Arena:
orcbane vs Aunt Dora Baggins
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orcbane
Gondor


Mar 4 2009, 3:16pm

Post #1 of 29 (5951 views)
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orcbane vs Aunt Dora Baggins Can't Post

orcbane mounted, with a flamethrower against our Aunt Dora baggins with a bowling ball and her left hand duct taped over her right eye. Laugh




diedye
Grey Havens


Mar 4 2009, 4:35pm

Post #2 of 29 (1221 views)
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You haven't got a prayer... [In reply to] Can't Post

Laugh



Blessed are the cracked,
For they are the ones who let in the light!




orcbane
Gondor


Mar 4 2009, 6:23pm

Post #3 of 29 (1246 views)
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Ok...make the bowling ball a grapefruit and... [In reply to] Can't Post

get me off this bleeping horse. How the bleep am I supposed to manage a flamethrower on a...who's idea was this anyway!

Laugh


On second thought I better also bring 200 ROK marines to hold back the inevitable counterattack. Sibs never are alone. Wink




(This post was edited by orcbane on Mar 4 2009, 6:28pm)


Idril Celebrindal
Tol Eressea


Mar 5 2009, 4:15pm

Post #4 of 29 (1127 views)
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Sorry, orcbane ... [In reply to] Can't Post

Aunt Dora pwns you! Sly


With caffeine, all things are possible.

The pity of Bilbo will screw up the fate of many.

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orcbane
Gondor


Mar 5 2009, 6:07pm

Post #5 of 29 (1081 views)
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will you stop erroding me [In reply to] Can't Post

That was just the press Photo Op anyway, so for realzies...

orcbane with an armful of Godiva Chocolate boxes and a trident !

Aunt Dora baggins shrinkwrapped to a pallet of Mountain Dew

Laugh




AlassŽa Eruvande
Valinor


Mar 5 2009, 6:12pm

Post #6 of 29 (1095 views)
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It's not Aunt Dora you have to worry about, [In reply to] Can't Post

it's ME!

*pounces on orcbane, relieves him of Godiva chocolate*

*frees ADB from Mountain Dew, makes her chug one*

*ADB gets all Pythagorean on orcbane's @$$*

TongueLaugh



And suddenly the Ainur saw afar off a light, as it were a cloud with a living heart of flame.



SFTH Archive


orcbane
Gondor


Mar 5 2009, 9:16pm

Post #7 of 29 (1155 views)
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Back you Texas Chocolate fiend ! [In reply to] Can't Post

Pythagorean ? Laugh

I'll have to look that up...but later, and somebody stepped on my trident and broke it!

OK. kid gloves off now.

orcbane with a prototype XM-8 carbine



a boatload of Somali oil pirates, and a Whitman Sampler

Aunt Dora Baggins with a basket of tiny liddle kittens,


120 lbs of overdue library books on her back and
she is stuck in a tar pit.






Arwen's daughter
Half-elven


Mar 5 2009, 10:46pm

Post #8 of 29 (1107 views)
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Well... [In reply to] Can't Post

If it's a prototype, what makes you think that gun is going to be any good?

I think those overdue library books are going to make excellent weapons for ADB. Obviously, if they're overdue she's not too worried about their condition when she gathers them from around your corpse to take them back to the library. And have you ever seen a kitten in attack mode? It's not a memory I like to bring up. Wink

Aunt Dora Baggins wins everytime.



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AlassŽa Eruvande
Valinor


Mar 5 2009, 10:58pm

Post #9 of 29 (1122 views)
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LOL! [In reply to] Can't Post

Pythagorean--you know, in geometry, A squared + B squared = C squared, to describe a right triangle. Cause ADB teaches math in RL.

Okay, orcbane attempts to fire the rifle, but since it is a prototype, and probably made in China of inferior plastic, it misfires and jams.

Meanwhile, the Somali pirates mistake the tar for oil and immediately set about to drain the pit. They are stupid; that's why they are pirates. This frees ADB from the goo. Also, the kittens have fleas, which causes them to shed and there is fur all over the place. It sticks to the pirates, who are now covered in tar. Since there aren't many cats in Somalia, the pirates are all allergic. They immediately swell up and begin to sneeze and itch, rendering them incapacitated. The kittens think they want to play and romp on over to the pirates, making the allergies worse.

Aunt Dora, recognizing a miscreant when she sees one, takes orcbane by the ear and has him gather up her library books. Utterly defeated, orcbane mumbles, "Yes'm," as he heads back to the library to turn the books in.

Victory! ADB.

AlassŽa eats the chocolate.



And suddenly the Ainur saw afar off a light, as it were a cloud with a living heart of flame.



SFTH Archive

(This post was edited by AlassŽa Eruvande on Mar 5 2009, 11:03pm)


orcbane
Gondor


Mar 6 2009, 1:48am

Post #10 of 29 (1101 views)
Shortcut
Oh how sweet ! [In reply to] Can't Post

" when she gathers them from around your corpse "

What kind of Arwen's daughter are you !? Laugh Arwen is so nice and reads books. She might drop one now and again but she doesn't kill people with them! But good thinking with the Overdue Missile Books.




orcbane
Gondor


Mar 6 2009, 2:46am

Post #11 of 29 (1170 views)
Shortcut
sib suppression [In reply to] Can't Post

I am attempting to fight a....Mathematician ? God, it's worse the I thought. What's a 'Miscreant' ? Well, whatever that is, at least you didn't kill me. The ol' allegic Somali cat-trick eh?

(Tilts head) Air support.

orcbane with a pair of Nightstawker Black Hawks with M230 chain guns



My uncle George,



a case of lip balm, and a Dwarvish War Kazoo




Aunt Dora Baggins with $1.73 in mixed change and is encased in the Northern ice cap



Oh, and orcbane also has the entire crack 402nd Chinese People's Army Infantry Regiment.



They are not happy about all the Chinese manufacturing jibs. Laugh




Eowyn of Penns Woods
Valinor


Mar 6 2009, 4:44am

Post #12 of 29 (1119 views)
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Wow! I guess ghosts really can communicate with the living! [In reply to] Can't Post

Because I killed you for creating a scenario which places kittens in such a dangerous location AND in the line of fire simply for your own amusement. ;)


Eowyn of Penns Woods
Valinor


Mar 6 2009, 6:55am

Post #13 of 29 (1098 views)
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I had no choice... [In reply to] Can't Post


HE made me do it! And we always does what Precious asks, yessss... =)


Aunt Dora Baggins
Half-elven


Mar 6 2009, 12:49pm

Post #14 of 29 (1212 views)
Shortcut
ROFLMAO! Never mind Pythagorean: [In reply to] Can't Post

*Charges in with the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus in one hand and an astrolabe in the other*

Thanks for watching my back, AE. How about some of that chocolate?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Aunt Dora Baggins
Half-elven


Mar 6 2009, 1:10pm

Post #15 of 29 (1085 views)
Shortcut
I turn my back on the arena for a year or two and look what happens. [In reply to] Can't Post

As Churchy la Femme would say, "Wad eye do?"

Luckily for me, dernwyn gave me a heads up. It's six AM and I have to get ready for work, but when I get there I'll get the giant slide rule off the wall and be back...

Check out page 6 of this: http://www.aims.edu/about/pio/alive/2008/AimsMagazineNo2.pdf

That's me with the abacus *winds orcbane through the beads in the abacus*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



orcbane
Gondor


Mar 6 2009, 1:10pm

Post #16 of 29 (1087 views)
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What kind of monster do you think I am ? [In reply to] Can't Post

I would never use live kittens! Those two were killed in a tragic motorcycle accident and after figeting with the poses I just coated them with hairspray and stapled them to a board.

As far as ghosts go, in my book of armaments its says "although they can raise a nasty welt, braids are not normally lethal." So I am not dead and take that! (squeezes the War Kazoo handle so hard the banana bursts out of the peel, and it hits Eowyn OPW right in the nose)

Anyway, how in the heck did you get past the entire 402nd Chinese People's Army Infantry Regiment !? Well, I won't be renting for any more 'Crack Regiments', that's for sure. Laugh




AlassŽa Eruvande
Valinor


Mar 6 2009, 3:04pm

Post #17 of 29 (1078 views)
Shortcut
Uncle George, [In reply to] Can't Post

in his typical way, has gotten drunk and forgotten his pants. He scrambles into one of the Blackhawks and attempts to take off in it. Being a monkey, and despite having opposable thumbs, he mishandles the stick (STOP it!) and crashes into the other helicopter. The ensuing fireball increases global warming by a tenth of a degree and melts the northern ice cap. Fortunately, Uncle George is able to escape the inferno, but cops the lip balm to put on his burned bum, having no pants and all.

Meanwhile, ADB emerges from the melting ice cap. She pays off the Chinese army with her pocket change. (After all, they are really peasants just looking for a better life and $1.73 is a lot of scratch!)

Having shot the Dwarvish kazoo at EoPW, orcbane is helpless. ADB takes pity on him, for he is wretched. Rather than dealing out death in judgement, ADB scrounges up one of the Mountain Dews and offers it to orcbane. Then they share a laugh as ADB says, "I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times, you can't beat a mathematician who is in her prime."

And there was much rejoicing.



And suddenly the Ainur saw afar off a light, as it were a cloud with a living heart of flame.



SFTH Archive


Aunt Dora Baggins
Half-elven


Mar 6 2009, 4:02pm

Post #18 of 29 (1053 views)
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Your version of ADB is a lot cleverer than I am :-D [In reply to] Can't Post

I'm going to be laughing about this all day:

""I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times, you can't beat a mathematician who is in her prime." How many times has a mathematical induction proof showed up in the arena? That has to be a first. *goes off to algebra class giggling*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Mar 6 2009, 4:04pm

Post #19 of 29 (1018 views)
Shortcut
They're not all they're "cracked up" to be, eh? [In reply to] Can't Post

But then, it depends on whether they're called a "crack" army because of certain drug habits...Tongue

Plus, their English is not very good, so when you said "Lunge!" they thought you said "Lunch", and headed off to the mess tent!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Mar 6 2009, 4:05pm

Post #20 of 29 (1065 views)
Shortcut
Beware! Aunt Dora has WMI's! [In reply to] Can't Post

Weapons of Math Instruction, that is! Laugh


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915


orcbane
Gondor


Mar 6 2009, 5:15pm

Post #21 of 29 (1046 views)
Shortcut
Yes and they look really painful ! [In reply to] Can't Post

Especially that pointy object. Laugh Great pic ADB!






Aunt Dora Baggins
Half-elven


Mar 6 2009, 5:26pm

Post #22 of 29 (1056 views)
Shortcut
Well, this is a femine board, you know. [In reply to] Can't Post

And I remember how gallant you were in that never-to-be-forgotten thread, so I'm willing to conced the victory in this little skirmish to you. Or if you want to go a few more rounds, I'm game. This was a great surprise when I woke up this morning.

(That pointy object is made of paper, and I think it's a stellated icosahedron. But it would look good on a mace, wouldn't it?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



orcbane
Gondor


Mar 6 2009, 5:29pm

Post #23 of 29 (978 views)
Shortcut
I hope there is a Mountain Dew for [In reply to] Can't Post

Uncle George. I used up the banana.

Your tough, you know that ? Laugh




AlassŽa Eruvande
Valinor


Mar 6 2009, 5:38pm

Post #24 of 29 (1030 views)
Shortcut
LOL! [In reply to] Can't Post

I'm sure we can scrounge one up somewhere! I might even have a few chocolates left. Smile

Orcbane, this has been one crazy battle. I haven't laughed so hard in a while. What inspired you to take on Aunt Dora, anyway?



And suddenly the Ainur saw afar off a light, as it were a cloud with a living heart of flame.



SFTH Archive


orcbane
Gondor


Mar 6 2009, 8:08pm

Post #25 of 29 (1254 views)
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Under flag of Truce or Has anyone seen Uncle George ? [In reply to] Can't Post


In Reply To
And I remember how gallant you were in that never-to-be-forgotten thread, so I'm willing to conced the victory in this little skirmish to you. Or if you want to go a few more rounds, I'm game. This was a great surprise when I woke up this morning.

(That pointy object is made of paper, and I think it's a stellated icosahedron. But it would look good on a mace, wouldn't it?)


Dearest Aunt Dora Baggins,

Let us call this just a reconnaissance in force, a testing of each others defenses. Your seconds certainly had the best of the skirmishing. My allies put up a very poor showing. You know its a bad day when Uncle George puts in the most creditable performance. Too bad it was taking down our own choppers. So let us lay aside War Kazoo and 'stellated icosahedron' and perhaps pick up the contest again another day. Also, to be frank my War Chest is in need of some replenishment, as those Godiva's weren't cheap. But you might want to locate poor banana splattered Eowyn OPW, for I fear she is in some danger while Uncle George is on the loose. Laugh



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