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Page 2 - Tolkienia Times "Spring in Ithilien" Edition – Weather, Classified, Personals

grammaboodawg
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Apr 12 2014, 2:11am


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Page 2 - Tolkienia Times "Spring in Ithilien" Edition – Weather, Classified, Personals [In reply to] Can't Post

 Welcome to the second section of our "Spring in Ithilien" Edition of the Tolkienia Times.
In this Section, we have for you a completely reliable outlook (multi-meaning) on the weather in our area, and important notices in the Classified and Personal Sections:


Tolkienia Weather Summary
by DanielLB

"The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it" - declared Mayor Ethel after the craziest winter on record. Snow, floods, thunderstorms, tornadoes, weird clouds, fog and a heatwave all within 5 weeks! And as such the Tolkienia Weather Service has adopted a new slogan:

"Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather" (with the added subtitle: "bad weather always looks better through a window".)

Such intense weather over this winter has caused many problems, but we are delighted to say that the 10 cats that went missing during the fog have been reunited with Ms. Berúthiel. Unfortunately, she couldn't ever remember owning a white one. Sadly, Ms.Berúthiel has decided to leave Tolkienia on the grounds of experiencing such bizarre weather. Her house is up for sale in 'The Homing Gnome' realty section.

So what can we expect from this month? The weather will remain changeable for the first half of the month, but thereafter it will be generally dry, at least in the south, and rather warm with plentiful sunshine. A late-April hot spell induced by a high pressure will bring summer temperatures topping 30°C across Tolkienia. Such warm temperatures may push the new train line's air conditioning system to the limit. If you are a hot sweaty Dwarf, you are advised to find alternative travel arrangements for the comfort of everyone else. Ice shipped down from our sister town, Forochel, means our rivers will remain cool for fledgling Nazgul. Cirdan's ship building has been warned amid chances of iceberg collisions, but rest assured, there will be enough life boats for everyone if such an event occurs. Sun shields are being sold by a Mrs. Sackville-Baggins, but make sure to take lots of silver spoons in payment. Mrs. Sackville-Baggins had this to say: "weather is a great metaphor for life — sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and there's nothing much you can do about it but carry an umbrella." There should be little rain this April, which may cause a water shortage. All Hobbit gardens are allowed to be watered during this dry spell. Any Dwarvish residents of Tolkienia have also been asked not to wash in any fountains (Mayor Ethel apologies for any inconvenience caused). And the weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

We remind all residents of the weather channel on cable TV - watchable 24 hours of the day.

Eagle-eyed readers may have spotted our April Fool's forecast earlier in the month. If you missed it, here it is again:

"Today we'll enjoy some funny periods with scattered flowers. Possibility of isolated frog patches in the early morning hours. Some areas of Tolkienia may be affected by raining cats and wargs. But hailing taxis could be a lot worse!"

A new batch of weathermen have been employed by the Tolkienia Weather Service. Drinks at our favourite pub: "The Iso Bar" (5 mins walk from The Eagle and Child train station) will be at 8pm. All welcome.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

TOLKIENIA TIMES CLASSIFIEDS

Dermatologist needed for private consultation. Patient is a visiting foreign national and a skin changer with sudden, severe difficulties with periodic shedding. Contact Kaa at #Ifeellikeastuffedsausage

Proper walking sticks made to order. Comes in Oak, Pine, Willow, or Maple in the size and length of your choosing. Personalized etching available. Contact Carver Woodside of Chetwood.


PERSONALS

Displaced Uruk seeking employment. Experienced in cross-country transport, personal protection, lumberjacking, and wall (de)construction. Multi-lingual, Housebroken. May be reached at the Moria Mines, east entrance.

Obsession! Is there a cure? Some get tattoos, some gather collectibles, but gramma is dealing with shingles. Just when you wondered if it could get worse, the answer is clear. YES! If you find yourself lost in an obsession, call Professor Hopeless at 1-800-555-7848 (quit).

>>>>THIS SPACE FOR HIRE<<<<
Contact Messrs. Grubb, Grubb, and Burrowes.
Hole #14, Bywater Pool Road




6th draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observation List - November 28, 2013
3rd draft of TH:DOS Geeky Observation List - January 2, 2014



sample

"There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West."

I'm SO HAPPY these new films take me back to that magical world!!



TIME Google Calendar
TORn's Geeky Observations Lists (updated soon)

Subject User Time
Tolkienia Times: April, "The Spring in Ithilien" Edition. Front Page grammaboodawg Send a private message to grammaboodawg Apr 12 2014, 2:02am
    Page 2 - Tolkienia Times "Spring in Ithilien" Edition – Weather, Classified, Personals grammaboodawg Send a private message to grammaboodawg Apr 12 2014, 2:11am
        Bwa ha ha Classifieds! simplyaven Send a private message to simplyaven Apr 12 2014, 2:16am
        Page 3 - Tolkienia Times "Spring in Ithilien" Edition – Founders Day, A Conversation with silneldor grammaboodawg Send a private message to grammaboodawg Apr 12 2014, 2:24am
            Page 4 - Tolkienia Times "Spring in Ithilien" Edition – Poetry, Limericks, Prose grammaboodawg Send a private message to grammaboodawg Apr 12 2014, 2:27am
                Page 5 - Tolkienia Times "Spring in Ithilien" Edition – Recipes, Real Estate, Nerdsnort, Games grammaboodawg Send a private message to grammaboodawg Apr 12 2014, 3:01am
                    ***Answers to TOLKIENIA TIMES GAMES*** grammaboodawg Send a private message to grammaboodawg Apr 12 2014, 3:04am
                    Faramir's house simplyaven Send a private message to simplyaven Apr 12 2014, 12:36pm
                        Well, we may be able to lower the price Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Apr 12 2014, 8:31pm
                            Oh, for this house simplyaven Send a private message to simplyaven Apr 12 2014, 11:08pm
                                Congratulations! DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Apr 13 2014, 9:08am
                                    Aaaaaaaaah simplyaven Send a private message to simplyaven Apr 13 2014, 12:24pm
                                    Does this mean Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Apr 13 2014, 4:00pm
                                        Only when it comes to Tolkienia matters I'm afraid. ;-) DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Apr 13 2014, 7:58pm
                                            Heh! Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Apr 13 2014, 8:03pm
                                    AWESOME!!! This is so cool! :D // grammaboodawg Send a private message to grammaboodawg Apr 14 2014, 9:26am
                    Keep the bids coming in for 27 Buckland Gate! DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Apr 14 2014, 9:28am
                    *drum roll* The winning bidder for 27 Buckland Gate is ... DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Apr 15 2014, 4:34pm
                        Woohoo! BlackFox Send a private message to BlackFox Apr 15 2014, 5:21pm
                        I have to clear up one thing though BlackFox Send a private message to BlackFox Apr 15 2014, 5:50pm
                            Eeek! DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Apr 15 2014, 7:09pm
                                No worries! BlackFox Send a private message to BlackFox Apr 15 2014, 7:43pm
                    House #2 I WANT THAT HOUSE! RangerLady23 Send a private message to RangerLady23 Apr 16 2014, 4:45pm
                        Excellent! DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Apr 16 2014, 6:49pm
                Tolkienia's got talent! dernwyn Send a private message to dernwyn Apr 14 2014, 12:42am
            Excellent advice, there! dernwyn Send a private message to dernwyn Apr 14 2014, 12:34am
                Seconded!!! // Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Apr 14 2014, 12:59am
        "The Iso Bar"? dernwyn Send a private message to dernwyn Apr 14 2014, 12:26am
    This is wonderful Gramma! // Brethil Send a private message to Brethil Apr 12 2014, 2:37am
    Wow! DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Apr 12 2014, 9:45am
    This is so cool! BlackFox Send a private message to BlackFox Apr 13 2014, 3:23pm
        Thanks! Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Apr 13 2014, 3:59pm
            I already did BlackFox Send a private message to BlackFox Apr 13 2014, 5:08pm
                So, you know if you find any of that treasure Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Apr 13 2014, 7:57pm
                    Oh really? BlackFox Send a private message to BlackFox Apr 13 2014, 8:06pm
                        Ah! You'll have to ask Daniel since Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Apr 13 2014, 8:44pm
                            Ah? what? Which law? simplyaven Send a private message to simplyaven Apr 14 2014, 12:09am
                                The law (almost) everyone likes: Finder Keepers Losers Weepers. Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Apr 14 2014, 12:58am
                                    Oh, that one I do love! LOL simplyaven Send a private message to simplyaven Apr 14 2014, 1:12am
                                        Ec and Morrie. They'll be out Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Apr 14 2014, 5:20am
                                            *whispers* Thank you! I do need utencils, I'm a new owner! // simplyaven Send a private message to simplyaven Apr 14 2014, 3:18pm

 
 
 

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