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Brethil
Half-elven
Oct 18 2013, 2:17am
Views: 596
Shortcut
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5-day weather outlook for Tolkienia:
This week will bring a typical autumnal mix of showers and rain for much of the time, but with a couple of short settled spells. It will remain warm, overall, but the second half the week will see the first of the frosts of this season. There will be a few days of heavy rainfall in certain areas.
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Today
The weather will continue to become unsettled and rather windy over the whole of Tolkienia. Rain gauges at West Baranduin recorded 55mm in the last week, and flood warnings have been issued across the whole of the Westfarthing. Thunderstorms are predicted for the evening, and these isolated storms are associated with the unusually warm conditions at this time of year. Maximum day time temperature of 25degC, and a minimum night time temperature of 13degC. See shipping forecast for gale warnings for today. The Edible Lamposts have been boarded up in the meantime, to prevent any potential lightning strikes. All Tolkienia residents are warned not to use their umbrellas. Lobelia: that means you. Do us all a favor and put it away.
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19/10/2013
Tolkienia will wake up to a thundery morning, with further heavy rain. Total cloud cover for much of the day will reduce the sunshine to a measly 2 hours. These miserable conditions will last for the entire day and will mean many muddy floors.
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20/10/2013
The weather will begin to clear as a high pressure system tracks across Tolkienia. The weather will become settled, with little cloud cover and highs of 22degC. By the evening, fog is likely to form over low-lying and damp areas of the Westfarthing. The Barrow-downs will be particularly thick, travelers are warned.
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21/10/2013
Widespread fog is expected across the entire of Tolkienia in the morning. This is associated with the prevailing high pressure system, and rapid cooling at nighttime due to the lack of cloud cover. The fog is expected to be thickest in the Westfarthing and the Barrow-downs, and visibility will be reduced to 100m. The first ground frost might occur in the exposed areas of Tolkenia, especially in the Eastfarthing where fog will be more patchy. Though settled and clear, daytime temperatures will fail to reach above 15degC, and nighttime temperatures will continue to be cold.
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22/10/2013
As the ridge of high pressure sinks slowly southward, it will be replaced by a low pressure system moving in from the Atlantic. An active front will produce some torrential rain in the south and west, with gusts reaching up to 40knots. There will also be some overnight mist and fog, slow to clear in the mornings, and some places dipping close to freezing. Again, worse at the Barrow-downs. Just stay away from there already.
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For the rest of the month, there will be periods of rain alternated with showers and some strong winds. Temperatures will continue to drop under a ridge of high pressure. Much colder arctic air will give a sharp contrast to recent weather, and heavy snowfall can be expected in the coming month. Avoid Caradharas if at all possible, instead use the Gap of Rohan.
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Shipping forecast:
Gale warnings - Issued: 1531 UTC 19th October
Wind
In north, northeasterly 6 to gale 8. In south, northerly or northeasterly 6 to gale 8, becoming cyclonic 4
or 5.
Sea State
In north, rough. in south, moderate or rough.
Weather
In north, rain or squally showers. In south, rain or showers.
Visibility
In north, moderate or good. In south, moderate or good.
 Our bit of Nerdsnort joy this month:
Heisenberg and Schrödinger are driving, and get pulled over. Heisenberg is in the driver's seat, the officer asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know exactly where I am!" The officer looks at him confused and says, "You were going 108 miles per hour!" Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now I'm lost!"
The officer, now more confused and frustrated orders the men outside of the car, and proceeds to inspect the vehicle. He opens the trunk and yells at the two men, "Hey! Did you guys know you have a dead cat back here?" Schrödinger angrily yells back, "We do now!"
Local Dojo involved in Umbrella-themed lawsuit
(From the Front Page)
A civil suit is about to appear before the authorities, concerning the controversial self-defence training, being offered to "The Little Folk" at the S-B Dojo. Among the chief complaints is an incident of umbrella related assault, a core piece of self-defence technique, pioneered by the owners 'famoustest' ancestor, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins.
The plaintiff, Simon Gimilzor, who seeks pecuniary compensation from the dojo, was quoted as saying:
"We won't stand for this!! It's about time that someone has done something about these uppity, little furry-feet!"
After a flurry of colorful language that would make a troll blush, he gave us his story.
"So there I was, standing on the corner outside of the Man in the Moon (A local pub), when this half-pint comes up. I try to make friendly conversation, and out of nowhere, he whips out this umbrella and starts in on me. Vicious, I tell you he was! Mad as a dog!"
After hearing this report, this reporter went to interview the Hobbit involved in the altercation, who has asked that his name be withheld, pending ongoing legal action. This was his story:
"I had just finished work, and had downed a pint at the Man in the Moon, before heading home. When I got to the corner, I was rudely accosted by this ruffianly fellow, who proceeded to make several unrepeatable statements, then to lay hands on me. I suppose that the invaluable 'Parasol-Defence Training', kicked in, and I gave him what-for."
The owners of the S-B Dojo have declined to comment, by advice of legal council, and merely released a statement of concern for the victim, and expressed a wish for the upcoming legal proceeding to be resolved quickly.
The Court date is still pending, and the plaintiff, Gimilzor is recovering at home, from minor cuts, bruises, and a wounded sense of pride. The proceedings may be complicated by criminal charges, yet to be filed by the anonymous Hobbit involved.
-Our Wandering Reporter
Is there a Tolkien topic that you have wanted to look into more deeply, and write about your thoughts on it? If so, we'd like to hear from you for the next TORn Amateur Symposium- coming in November. Happy writing!
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User
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Time
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Tolkienia Times: October Edition
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Brethil
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Oct 18 2013, 2:01am
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Tolkienia Times: Page 2
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Brethil
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Oct 18 2013, 2:08am
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Tolkienia Times: Page 3
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Brethil
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Oct 18 2013, 2:17am
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Tolkienia Times: Page 4
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Brethil
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Oct 18 2013, 2:24am
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#Givememymountainback
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Kim
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Oct 18 2013, 6:45am
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?HOW? did I know you'd find that one fast???? //
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Brethil
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Oct 18 2013, 12:17pm
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I'm surprised she didn't pick up on:
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dernwyn
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Oct 19 2013, 12:33am
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You're right!
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Kim
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Oct 19 2013, 1:01am
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Yes, I snickered a bit writing that one...!!!
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Brethil
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Oct 19 2013, 1:55am
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Normally when you read a newspaper ...
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DanielLB
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Oct 18 2013, 5:52pm
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Our Mayor is clever...they aren't easy!
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Brethil
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Oct 18 2013, 7:26pm
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Think of M.E. names and try some out.
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Ethel Duath
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Oct 18 2013, 9:20pm
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Name that Pun
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Kim
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Oct 19 2013, 12:02am
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Name That Pun answers: SPOILER!!!! Only look if you want the answers...
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Brethil
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Oct 19 2013, 7:07pm
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Dear DragonDNA, Inc.:
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Roheryn
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Oct 19 2013, 8:47am
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Sounds like an excellent match...!
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Brethil
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Oct 19 2013, 3:20pm
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Ah! Then we need a University, with research centers
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Ethel Duath
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Oct 19 2013, 7:24pm
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How about this?
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Ethel Duath
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Oct 19 2013, 7:48pm
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BRILLIANT!!!!!!
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Brethil
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Oct 19 2013, 8:00pm
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Love this, Ro!! //
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The Grey Elf
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Oct 21 2013, 2:25pm
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Dictum sacculus spotted?
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DanielLB
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Oct 18 2013, 9:22am
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They will need more study!
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Brethil
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Oct 18 2013, 12:19pm
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Investigate the Sackville-Bagginses for possible nefarious
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Ethel Duath
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Oct 19 2013, 7:30pm
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I can't stop laughing :))
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Endor Dweller
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Oct 19 2013, 10:52am
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Why thank you Endor Dweller!
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Brethil
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Oct 19 2013, 3:23pm
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Excellent!!
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elaen32
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Oct 18 2013, 11:40am
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That one Personals box is going to get very full..!.//
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Brethil
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Oct 18 2013, 12:17pm
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Reply to #givemebackmymountain
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The Grey Elf
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Oct 18 2013, 1:48pm
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Very nice (*stuffing responses into overflowing reply bin*)
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Brethil
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Oct 18 2013, 3:26pm
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Elven Audiology. :D
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Ethel Duath
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Oct 18 2013, 5:47pm
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(*laughing*) Very good idea there...! //
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Brethil
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Oct 18 2013, 9:31pm
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This is amazingly wonderful!
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Aunt Dora Baggins
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Oct 18 2013, 7:58pm
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Thanks Aunt Dora!
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Brethil
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Oct 18 2013, 9:26pm
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Love the ads!
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dernwyn
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Oct 19 2013, 12:46am
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Someone was practicing.
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Ethel Duath
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Oct 19 2013, 1:48am
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You might not have noticed...
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dernwyn
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Oct 19 2013, 2:05am
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Thanks Dernwyn!
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Brethil
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Oct 19 2013, 1:50am
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Reply to Great Grey Wizard Fireworks
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Kalimac
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Oct 19 2013, 11:24am
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"upmost respect for occupational health and safety"....
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Brethil
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Oct 19 2013, 3:26pm
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Just wanted to say
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The Grey Elf
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Oct 21 2013, 2:12pm
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Why thank you Grey Elf!!!!
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Brethil
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Oct 22 2013, 10:03pm
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The one thing missing are comics!
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The Grey Elf
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Oct 21 2013, 2:21pm
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