Apr 1 2015, 12:02pm
Tolkienia Times Special Mayor's Report
The following is a live transcript of a broadcast by the mayor this morning on all our local T.V. and radio stations. A press conference to further discuss these matters will be scheduled within the next few days.
Citizens of Tolkienia, I am here to report an exciting new development in the history of our country, and really, in the history of the entire world.
Recently there has been a discovery that the legendary Straight Road mentioned in the writings of our Beloved Founder not only still exists, but once had an entrance right here in our own land, in an area which is now a small sheep pasture just east of the Rohan House.
The owner of this land parcel, who wishes to remain anonymous, reported that his sheep foreman, a local Hobbit known affectionately to the locals as "Farmer M.", reported in alarm that one of his prize ewes was hovering 3 or 4 feet above the ground, and refused to descend, even when offered her favorite sprigs of red clover. Farmer M. also ascertained that flies and midges in the area seemed unaware of the ewe’s presence, although the other sheep in the pasture were being greatly annoyed by clouds of these insects, due to our rainy spring, and surmised that this was the reason this sheep refused to "come down to earth."
The befuddled foreman sent the following cell phone picture to his employer just after arriving at the scene:
As a last resort, Mr. M attempted to reach up and "snag the wool" as it were. In so doing, he found his foot resting on a solid, yet invisible object. As he put his full weight and both feet on this surface, he discovered it was a series of steps, leading to a sloping ramp just above the sheep’s head.
To his alarm, as he cautiously proceeded upwards, the sheep turned, and ran past him up the hidden slope. He was able to catch the beast around the middle just as its front hooves slipped off the apparent upward end of the "ramp."
Needless to say, the sheep were hastily relocated, and within half an hour the entire pasture was cordoned off with yellow crime tape.
All available scientists, irrespective of their particular disciplines, were recruited to examine the phenomenon, and also to research the national archives for any historical documents that might shed light on the matter.
Eventually, both a painting and a document were found that shed a great deal of light on the matter.
The painting dates from the late 16th century, and depicts the empty countryside where Eastfarthing now exists. While the steps leading to the ramp are invisible to the naked eye, the actual Straight Road is clearly depicted at the top. Under microscopic examination, a series of steps and the beginning of a feeder road can be seen in the shadows where the earthbound road meets the horizon. How the artist was able to produce this rendering is at present unknown.
Local Branch of the Straight Road, c. 1582
The document found is far older, and is so fragile that carbon 14 dating has not yet been attempted, although material appears to be parchment. Written in a form of Ancient Westron, scholars say it describes a previously unknown access point provided to Hobbits by the unnamed head of the last remaining Sindar clan in this area, at the very end of the 4rth age. These local Hobbits had seen most of their lands co-opted by the "Big People," in defiance of the apparently long-forgotten edict by King Elessar.
(^ Actual antique reproduction ^)
In the days following these discoveries, meeting after meeting has taken place, including citizen comment gatherings, and scientific presentations for government officials.
After much debate, a referendum was proposed and voted in by 871/3% of the population. The referendum provides for the building and eventual linkage to the original Road, and the hope is that by 2025 at the latest, Elvenhome will be within the reach of every citizen of Tolkienia, and possibly all the peoples of the earth (provided they can obtain the proper documentation, and can demonstrate a working knowledge of either Quenya or Sindarin).
Rumors of earthquakes, high waves upon the shoreline of both branches of the Baranduin, and the apparent sinkage of the entire eastern half of Southfarthing by over 3 feet in the past month are obviously greatly exaggerated.
Let us all proceed together on this great adventure, knowing it is our right and duty to restore our access to the Realms of the Eldar, and indeed, perhaps to the Valar themselves!
Your forever humble leader, May-Ar Pharazethel
I mean, ahem,
Mayor Ethel D.
******End of Bulletin******
(This post was edited by dernwyn on Apr 1 2015, 2:14pm)