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Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories



Ataahua
Forum Admin / Moderator


Feb 9 2013, 10:48pm


Views: 1086
Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories

What is the real reason for the distrust between Elves and Dwarves?

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Radagast-Aiwendil
Gondor


Feb 9 2013, 10:49pm


Views: 764
The Dwarves stole King Thingol's cookie jar!//

 

"These are Gundabad Wargs! They will outrun you!"

"THESE are Rhosgobel Rabbits! I'd like to see them try...."



Aragalen the Green
Gondor


Feb 9 2013, 11:14pm


Views: 761
The Elves are taller and hide things out of reach of the Dwarves? //

 

'"Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool!" he said to himself, and it became a favourite saying of his later, and passed into a proverb.'


Otaku-sempai
Immortal


Feb 9 2013, 11:29pm


Views: 759
You can't trust folk who can't grow a proper beard!

And that would rather live in trees than in the earth.

'There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world.' - Gandalf the Grey, The Fellowship of the Ring


CuriousG
Half-elven


Feb 9 2013, 11:57pm


Views: 761
Elves are from Venus, Dwarves are from Mars

Or maybe Elves are cat-lovers and Dwarves are dog-lovers.

But the secret truth is that they love each other very much, but Sauron has planted spies and agents even on the internet to spread conspiracy theories that they don't like each other. His arm has grown long; he has cookies on every computer.


Eye's on Guard
Lorien


Feb 10 2013, 12:06am


Views: 757
The Elves referred to the Seven Fathers with insulting nicknames (e.g. - "Doc" for Durin I)

Movie trivia: Ages later, the names were used by Disney in the first feature-length animated film Wink


Eowyn3
Rivendell

Feb 10 2013, 12:32am


Views: 769
The Dwarves were very bad house guests

at Thingol's halls. They threw his dishes around and eat all his food. And Melian didn't like their singing!

" He has just as much reason to go to war as you do. Why can he not fight for those he loves?"

(This post was edited by Eowyn3 on Feb 10 2013, 12:36am)


CuriousG
Half-elven


Feb 10 2013, 12:57am


Views: 741
Good point

Why didn't hobbits and Dwarves end up as enemies after that incident at Bag End? Harrumph


Eowyn3
Rivendell

Feb 10 2013, 1:02am


Views: 738
Maybe Hobbits are more easy going

than First Age Elven Kings?

" He has just as much reason to go to war as you do. Why can he not fight for those he loves?"


The White Wizard
The Shire


Feb 10 2013, 1:09am


Views: 734
Definitely

I think that is something almost any one could agree to.

True courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one.


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 10 2013, 1:15am


Views: 735
It was always the same disagreement: should Oreos be split or unsplit before eating?//

 

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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ryouko
Lorien

Feb 10 2013, 1:27am


Views: 760
can't agree

"Tastes Great!"

"Less Filling!"


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 10 2013, 2:29am


Views: 727
i was SO close to going with that one!

Maybe we have similarly-weird brains....whoops! I meant similarly-wired brains Wink

I also toyed with: the debate over who was funnier, Abbot or Costello, and with something about the Star-on machine and comparing the Elves and Dwarves to the star-belly and plain-belly Sneetches. Smile. Not sure why I went with Oreos.

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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ryouko
Lorien

Feb 10 2013, 2:49am


Views: 716
weird works for me!

I always proudly admit that I'm weird. Wink

And why do you question the Oreos? I thought that was a good one!

Another theory could be "Team Edward" "Team Jacob".


SirDennisC
Half-elven


Feb 10 2013, 3:08am


Views: 731
hmmm

Dwarf: That key you've had no right to keep for so long (and that I have no idea what to do with) should have come to me!

Elf: This famous blade belonging to my kin (and that you found by chance) was made by my ancestors. May it serve you well.

Wait, these are supposed to be funny.


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 10 2013, 4:48am


Views: 703
Thanks :-)

Not really questioning the Oreos so much as questioning the randomness that went into going with Oreos rather than, say, the Sneetches for example. But thanks for liking it Smile

Team Edward v Team Jacob would have worked....but all the same I'm glad you went with the beer reference instead. Evil. Kirk/Picard would be another one.

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Arandiel
Grey Havens

Feb 10 2013, 5:13am


Views: 704
How well do Ravenclaws and Gryffindors really trust each other, anyway?//

 


Walk to Rivendell: There and Back Again Challenge - traveling through Middle Earth with thirteen rowdy Dwarves, one grumpy Wizard, and a beleaguered Hobbit

Join us, Thursdays on Main!


Arandiel
Grey Havens

Feb 10 2013, 5:16am


Views: 695
"No fair! You only gave US three rings!//

 


Walk to Rivendell: There and Back Again Challenge - traveling through Middle Earth with thirteen rowdy Dwarves, one grumpy Wizard, and a beleaguered Hobbit

Join us, Thursdays on Main!


zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 10 2013, 6:05am


Views: 724
It all started with first introductions

One of the Elves, upon being introduced to a Dwarf, made the faux pas of saying. "Oh, no need to get up" before realizing his mistake. Dwarves began snarking such things as, "How's the weather up there?" It soon descended into name calling..."beardy-weirdy" and "fancy-pants" flying back and forth. It got pretty ugly after that. Tongue

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 10 2013, 6:11am


Views: 710
Other variations

Elves prefer Letterman, Dwarves like Leno. Or maybe a Beatles/Rolling Stones thing?

BTW, like the Sneeches idea; I had forgotten them. Smile

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


Roheryn
Tol Eressea

Feb 10 2013, 8:40am


Views: 721
Strawberry bubble bath.

For ages, every time the dwarves and elves get together for some big shin-dig, the elves keep trying to trick the dwarves into bathing in huge tubs with fluffy mounds of strawberry bubble bath. Not only does this make the dwarves mad because they're convinced the bubble bath will do something unspeakable to their hair, but they also never bathe more than once a year anyways, whether they need it or not. For their part, during those same shin-digs, the dwarves have been trying to sneak red meat (or was it ripe?) into every elvish dish they can. The elves, as vegans, naturally take great offense at finding sausages sticking out underneath the salad greens.


ryouko
Lorien

Feb 10 2013, 1:05pm


Views: 686
very true

Since both sides like their ale, it is more fitting. Wink


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Feb 10 2013, 1:18pm


Views: 687
Cram vs Lembas. Who really DID have the recipe first? //

 



Second draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observation List - updated list coming soon



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Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 10 2013, 2:06pm


Views: 699
"Oh, no need to get up" lol :D

 
In honor of your post, I'll suggest a few more if I may:


Upon being introduced to each other, the Elves presented the Dwarves with a gift that was meant to break the ice and kickstart diplomatic relations: An illuminated leatherbound vellum 1st edition of The Arts of Mining, Metalworks and Weaponsmithing for Dummies.

The Dwarves, in turn, presented the Elves with an ancient spell for "enhancing" their mirrors, so that they could try out different styles of beard and other facial hair in their reflections. (Cirdan loved his.)


****

"I couldn't help noticing that handsome portrait in that locket you are holding. Would that be your son?"

"That would be me WIFE."

****

"Legend of the enchantments of Elvenkind have preceded you. Just how you manage to bake all those delicious cookies on-premises, without burning the tree down, is WONDEROUS!"



Smile

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 10 2013, 2:09pm


Views: 677
Thanks :-)

I also toyed with the Northgoing Zax v. Southgoing Zax, remember them? Smile

Also: East Coast v. West Coast rap/hip-hop Cool

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 10 2013, 2:14pm


Views: 671
They can't agree on whether Richard Armitage was better as an Elf //

 

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 10 2013, 2:32pm


Views: 671
It all boils down to this question: who is better at forging metal weapons and objects?

DWARVES: You've got to be joking. Dwarves are the best at forging ... anything!

ELVES: Ah, ahem, how many Rings of Power did the Dwarves make? And how many famous, accomplished swords with names? *cough Thorin wielded Orcrist cough*

DWARVES: He picked it up out of a Troll hoard out of convenience. So basically he didn't have anything else handy and he obtained it by dumpster-diving. Who wants a sword that GLOWS when foes are near, alerting them to your presence? And Orcrist's glow didn't even WORK. If Thorin had a Dwarf-made axe handy, he would have chosen that instead, and you know it.

ELVES: Why didn't he bring such an axe with him then? Yep, Dwarven metal weapons are so good that he chose to keep an ACTUAL TREE BRANCH FOR HIS PERSONAL SHIELD, very impressive endorsement of Dwarven metalworks there.

DWARVES: Oh yeah? Two words for you: Got mithril?

ELVES: Two more words for you: Durin's Bane?

It only got uglier and ugler after that.

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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The Prancing Pony
Rivendell

Feb 10 2013, 6:07pm


Views: 656
It's all about the hair.

To braid or not to braid? And who can do it prettier. Tongue

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."


Ataahua
Forum Admin / Moderator


Feb 10 2013, 7:01pm


Views: 658
Oh no.


In Reply To
"That would be me WIFE."



And then the fight began.

Laugh

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 10 2013, 7:18pm


Views: 650
It's all about their disagreement over who is more closely related to a particular celebrity.

 
"He hired US to be his helpers (our distant cousins actually, smaller and more kid-friendly. Elves nonetheless.)"

"He is quite clearly Dwarf! Just look at his kinsman and spitting image: Balin."

"Well, the beasts he chose to pull his sleigh were inspired by the traditional mount ridden by the Elvenking of the woodland realm in Mirkwood."

"Oh really. Well, the whole idea of using a sleigh came from us."

"How??? Dwarves don't ride sleighs."

"No we don't, that was the Brown wizard Radagast. But Radagast appeared in OUR story and the idea was passed on because of OUR stories."

"That's a bit of a stretch. Have you read the Clemens poem? It says in black and white: a jolly old ELF."

"Have you seen the Ferrell movie? ANYBODY could be mistaken for an Elf!"

Et cetera.

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 10 2013, 7:47pm


Views: 726
Started with the Elves' cultural misapprehension re: traditional Dwarven dancing styles

The Elves made an error in encouraging the Dwarves to demonstrate what the Elves mistook for a traditional Dwarf dance. The Dwarves got upset when they had to explain:

"No, we do NOT traditionally dance in pairs by having one Dwarf perch on another Dwarf's shoulders and then have the top Dwarf wear a long trench coat and hat so that they look like one tall dancing man!"

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Ziggy Stardust
Gondor


Feb 11 2013, 12:00am


Views: 625
That's it

The Elves preferred the Beatles, and the Dwarves preferred the Rolling Stones. (As for me, I like both.) Wink


zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 11 2013, 7:24am


Views: 623
:D All very funny, but...

I must admit that if I had been drinking something while reading, "That would be my wife", there would have been an embarrassing snarf situation. Laugh Give a person some warning next time Laugh

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 11 2013, 7:28am


Views: 608
And wasn't there something...

about buttering toast on top vs. buttering toast on the bottom?

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 11 2013, 7:33am


Views: 613
Me too :)

Most people I know like them both, but when pressed to choose just one, things seem to get heated pretty quickly.Cool

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


NottaSackville
Valinor

Feb 11 2013, 1:06pm


Views: 605
Camp Viggo vs Camp Stuart //

 

Happiness: money matters, but less than we think and not in the way that we think. Family is important and so are friends, while envy is toxic -- and so is excessive thinking. Beaches are optional. Trust is not. Neither is gratitude. - The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner as summarized by Lily Fairbairn. And a bit of the Hobbit reading thrown in never hurts. - NottaSackville


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 12 2013, 4:00am


Views: 598
I think I have a solution

Here's an idea. Everybody on these Middle Earth Conspiracy and other game threads should get special monitor and keyboard protectors: the TOLKBLOCKER (TM). It would be a special clear polymer membrane sheet that blocks spit-takes. It could be customized with translucent Tolkien-themed laser graphics. That might discourage game participants from spitting coffee all over, say, a close-up glamour portrait of Thorin for example if that's what floats your boat.

Thanks zarabia, and I'm glad you didn't ruin your computer peripherals this time! LaughSmile

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 13 2013, 6:41am


Views: 580
That's actually kinda sad

Camp Viggo = tens of millions / Camp Stuart = his immediate family?

I've liked Stuart Townsend in some things, but what was PJ thinking to even consider him for Aragorn?! Shocked

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 13 2013, 6:45am


Views: 576
Good idea :)

But my dignity that was more in danger than my keyboard. I'm afraid there's no product out there to keep me from looking uncool. TongueLaugh

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 13 2013, 2:02pm


Views: 602
If you ever figure out a product or idea

that works for you, would you kindly share with me, cuz I sure could use it! CrazyLaughSmile

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Brethil
Half-elven


Feb 14 2013, 5:01pm


Views: 563
*****APPLAUSE ****

That is priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smile Weaponsmithing for Dummies...please please publish it.

...she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 14 2013, 10:55pm


Views: 555
*Bow* :-)

Hehe thanks!

Publish which, though?  (Probably you meant the jokes, as opposed to an instruction manual of weaponsmithing for the "remedial learner", so:): any suggestions on how one might go about publishing something like that? Is there a magazine or something that features that kind of thing? If so, I imagine many of us here might try to publish in it.

Somebody more knowledgeable than me might be able to write a how-to book for the "metallurgically limited" on the art of metalshaping, in a well-meaning but blatantly condescending tone as addressed by an Elf to a Dwarf. That would be pretty funny! Laugh

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Brethil
Half-elven


Feb 15 2013, 3:11am


Views: 584
Heck I want the book

what a great project. Will need one of those screen-protector doodads though or lots of spewed fluid will be sloshing about in my laptop. Consider writing it! It would be brilliant!

...she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.

(This post was edited by Brethil on Feb 15 2013, 3:14am)


Draupne
Forum Admin / Moderator

Feb 17 2013, 3:30pm


Views: 536
And which end of the egg you should break first. //

 


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea


Feb 17 2013, 4:37pm


Views: 643
And also: which came first, the chicken...

or the Elves?

Smile

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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