taekotemple
Grey Havens
Jun 4 2011, 11:22pm
Views: 1081
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Here's what socialization means to me.
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Socialization isn't just about how much time you spend with other people. It's about learning appropriate social skills in a variety of settings so that you can navigate your way around most social settings without major discomfort and misunderstanding between oneself and others.
For example, say you have pretty good social skills where you grow up. Then you move to a totally different country with a different culture and language. Even if you are fluent in the language, you may not be properly socialized to understand the nuances in the language and miss part of what a person is saying. For example, my sister-in-law, who is French, sometimes misunderstands what my mother, my brothers, and I say to her because she translates our words to herself directly, without the inflections or tone of what we are saying, so she can end up taking us very literally when we are speaking figuratively.
When I travel, I often don't always get immediately pegged as an American by my behavior. This is because I pay attention to how people interact and try to fit accordingly. I remember being on a bus in The Hague, and everyone was either quietly reading, or sitting, or having conversations in low hushed tones so as not to be obtrusive. Then an American couple got on the bus and were so loud in their conversation that everyone on the bus could hear them. Now, their volume would have been normal on a city bus in the US, but it was really inappropriate and irritating in The Hague. I could see many people looking at them on the bus, some possibly making snap judgements about how Americans can be annoying.
Ultimately, we can't expect to spend our lives in a homogenized environment of people who mostly think like us. Sometimes we find ourselves among people who have very different views from ours and have to learn a way to communicate our view in a way that doesn't offend. When I shared my views about homosexuality in education, I decided to step away for a day, because I had a feeling if I got too involved in the conversation, I might say something angry or offend someone. I came back and saw that the subject turned to religion and I was glad that I had left, because I have a really big problem with people using religion to say that people are bad or wrong for loving someone. And I knew that it was likely, because I was raised Buddhist, that my view could be dismissed as me not being Christian or Catholic, and I would feel unheard (this has happened frequently in my life, btw, despite whether I make a good argument or not.) I also know that religious debates can often turn ugly. So I'm a big believer in stepping back and saying, "that's your truth, I respect that, please respect mine, and I really hope that neither of our truths will lead to harm to others." I know from how I was socialized that people are different from me, people won't always agree with me, and I have to know how to represent myself so that people know I'm not coming from a place of attack, but a place of wanting my view to be understood. That is a very perilous line at times, and you can't truly learn it until you've experienced it several times. Even I mess that up from time to time, despite being careful.
So, yeah, when I talk about socialization, I'm not talking about people not having friends or interacting with their peers. It would be disrespectful to you and the other homeschooled members of the board to imply than any of you are friendless and lack skill in interacting with people. But what I am talking about is learning how to be in a world populated by people who may have drastically different life experiences and therefore very different views, and be able to take in that into account when deciding what your view is.
There's a reason why I decided to study psychology and am trying to finish my intern hours so that I can be a licensed marriage and family therapist. It's because with all the things we are taught in school (whether from public, private, or homeschool education), we aren't really taught how to be ourselves. It can take a lot of mistakes and missteps before we know how to take all we've been taught and decide for ourselves what values we believe in. I know my values have changed since I was a child, a pre-teen, a teenager, even in my early twenties. I've done things that I would never have thought I'd do, some for good and some for ill. But because I try to make a point to learn about people, not just from books, but from interacting with them, I've learned a lot more about the world and how I want to live in it.
Some kids get homeschooled because their parents want to make sure their kids are instilled with the values they believe in. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. And those kids, as they grow up and become adults, need to figure out if those values are the ones they want to live by for the rest of their lives. Sometimes, those values are excellent values and make for good, practical, real world common sense. Sometimes those values can be alienating to others.
Ultimately, I feel that for me, the more different views and opinions that I'm exposed to, the more I can learn who I am and who I want to be. You can't always get that from a book. I really respect you for asking this question about socialization and talking about your experience in being homeschooled (as well as the others in this thread who were homeschooled.) Homeschooling can be very misunderstood, and you do show that you aren't just being kept out of school, but really getting an education. I hope that you will continue on into college and have the opportunity to learn and experience even more in life. There are few things better than being someone who is willing to learn, and you sound, from your homeschooling, like someone who is self-motivated to learn.
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And yes, I was homeschooled! 
I like you! Seems like you've got a good head on your shoulders.//
LOL!!!
). 
OK, time-out guys.
now I feel kind of silly... 
