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It's time for some BS!
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Ettelewen
Rohan

Mar 7 2017, 3:04pm

Post #51 of 57 (648 views)
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* Wipes tea off of monitor * [In reply to] Can't Post

I love these - thanks gramma, you've made my morning!

Laugh


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Mar 7 2017, 6:36pm

Post #52 of 57 (639 views)
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Eagle "cluster bombs"! [In reply to] Can't Post

ROFL!

Thanks, gramma! That's another person who's sadly missed...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Mar 8 2017, 12:51pm

Post #53 of 57 (627 views)
Shortcut
TIME - March 8 [In reply to] Can't Post

Today in Middle-earth

March 8, 3019 (S.R. 1419)
1. Aragorn takes the 'Paths of the Dead' at daybreak.
(from the appendices)
..."...Arod, the horse of Rohan, refused the way, and he stood sweating and trembling in a fear that was grievous to see... ... Legolas laid his hands on his eyes and sang some words that went soft in the gloom, until he suffered himself to be led, and Legolas passed in. And there stood Gimli the Dwarf left all alone. His knees shook, and he was wroth with himself. 'Here is a thing unheard of...! ...An Elf will go underground and a Dwarf dare not!' With that he plunged in. But it seemed to him that he dragged his feet like lead over the threshold; and at once a blindness came upon him, even upon Gimli Glóin's son who had walked unafraid in many deep places of the world.

...Aragorn had brought torches from Dunharrow... ...he went ahead bearing one aloft; and Elladan with another went at the rear, and Gimli, stumbling behind, strove to overtake him. He could see nothing but the dim flame of the torches... ...if the company halted, there seemed an endless whisper of voices all about him, a murmur of words in no tongue that he had ever heard before.
...Nothing assailed the company nor withstood their passage, and yet steadily fear grew on the Dwarf as he went on... ...he knew now that there could be no turning back; all the paths behind were thronged by an unseen host that followed in the dark.
...So time unreckoned passed...

......turning back and speaking to the whispering darkness behind ...[Aragorn] cried... 'Keep your hoards and your secrets hidden in the Accursed Years! Speed only we ask. Let us pass, and then come! I summon you to the Stone of Erech!'

...There was no answer, unless it were an utter silence more dreadful than the whispers before; and then a chill blast came in which the torches flickered and went out, and could not be rekindled. Of the time that followed, one hour or many, Gimli remembered little... ...he was ever hindmost, pursued by a groping horror that seemed always just about to seize him; and a rumour came after him like the shadow-sound of many feet. He stumbled on until he was crawling like a beast on the ground and felt that he could endure no more: he must either find an ending and escape or run back in madness to meet the following fear...

...'The Dead are following,' said Legolas. 'I see shapes of Men and of horses, and pale banners like shreds of cloud, and spears like winter-thickets on a misty night. The Dead are following.'"

2. Aragorn reaches Erech at midnight.
(from the appendices)
..."To that Stone the Company came and halted in the dead of night. Then Elrohir gave to Aragorn a silver horn, and he blew upon it; and it seemed to those that stood near that they heard a sound of answering horns... ...No other sound they heard, and yet they were aware of a great host gathered all about the hill on which they stood; and a chill wind like the breath of ghosts came down from the mountains. But Aragorn dismounted, and standing by the Stone he cried in a great voice:
...'Oathbreakers, why have ye come?'
...And a voice was heard out of the night that answered him, as if from far away:
...'To fulfil our oath and have peace.'"

3. Frodo leaves Henneth Annûn.
(from the appendices)
..."The hobbits' packs were brought to them (a little heavier than they had been), and also two stout staves of polished wood, shod with iron, and with carven heads through which ran plaited leathern thongs.
...'I have no fitting gifts to give you at our parting,' said Faramir; 'but take these staves. They may be of service to those who walk or climb in the wild... ...though these have been cut down to your height and newly shod. They are made of the fair tree lebethron, beloved of the woodwrights of Gondor, and a virtue has been set upon them of finding and returning. May that virtue not wholly fall under the Shadow into which you go!'
...The hobbits bowed low. 'Most gracious host,' said Frodo, 'it was said to me by Elrond Halfelven that I should find friendship upon the way, secret and unlooked for. Certainly I looked for no such friendship as you have shown. To have found it turns evil to great good...'
......He embraced the hobbits then, after the manner of his people, stooping, and placing his hands upon their shoulders, and kissing their foreheads. 'Go with the good will of all good men!' he said.
...They bowed to the ground. Then he turned and without looking back he left them and went to his two guards that stood at a little distance away. They marvelled to see with what speed these greenclad men now moved, vanishing almost in the twinkling of an eye. The forest where Faramir had stood seemed empty and drear, as if a dream had passed."

4. Merry and the Rohirrim make their way to Dunharrow.
(not from the appendices)
..."He loved mountains, or he had loved the thought of them marching on the edge of stories brought from far away; but now he was borne down by the insupportable weight of Middle-earth. He longed to shut out the immensity in a quiet room by a fire.
...He was very tired... ...they had ridden with very little rest. Hour after hour for nearly three weary days... ...Sometimes where the way was broader he had ridden at the king's side, not noticing that many of the Riders smiled to see the two together: the hobbit on his little shaggy grey pony, and the Lord of Rohan on his great white horse. Then he had talked to Théoden, telling him about his home and the doings of the Shire-folk, or listening in turn to tales of the Mark and its mighty men of old. But most of the time... ...Merry had ridden by himself just behind the king, saying nothing, and trying to understand the slow sonorous speech of Rohan that he heard the men behind him using. It was a language in which there seemed to be many words that he knew, though spoken more richly and strongly than in the Shire, yet he could not piece the words together. At times some Rider would lift up his clear voice in stirring song, and Merry felt his heart leap, though he did not know what it was about."

5. Shadowfax flies across the fields of Gondor fast approaching Minas Tirith.
(not from the appendices-no text)
... "Pippin had a strange feeling: he and Gandalf were still as stone, seated upon the statue of a running horse, while the world rolled away beneath his feet with a great noise of wind."




sample

We have been there and back again.


TIME Google Calendar


6th draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observations List - November 28, 2013
4th draft of TH:DOS Geeky Observations List - May 15, 2014

5th draft of TH:BotFA Geeky Observations List - January 30, 2015


TORn's Geeky Observations Lists for LotR and The Hobbit


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Mar 8 2017, 12:53pm

Post #54 of 57 (624 views)
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TLE's Weather Report: March 8 [In reply to] Can't Post

(Originally posted on March 8, 2002 by TheLidlessEye!!!)


And now the WEATHER!

Jill, I understand you're feeling better now.

[cuts to weathergirl]
Yes, yes I am. I tell you, nothing sobers you up faster than a bit of dwarf-tossing.

Anyway, here I am at Dimholt where animal rights groups staged a rally today against a group of resistance fighters who were trying to lead their horses into a fairground ride called "Paths Of The Dead". This ghost train has been around for many years…

[cuts to studio]
Er…Jill. What about the weather?

[cuts to weathergirl]
I realized I'm just not cut out for it. I want to do some serious reporting for a change.
This ghost train ride has been…

[cuts to studio]
Jill. The weather?

[cuts to weathergirl]
Oh ... OK. Listen very carefully everyone. I'll say it slowly for you. If you're outside, OK, look up. If you're inside, go outside. And then look up. Unless you have a sun roof, in which case just look up. Or go outside first. And then look up. Luxury problem. And if you can't get outside, what do you care about the weather?

Satisfied? I can do this you know. I've had many years waiting for this opportunity. I don't want to go to stupid places people have never heard of. I want to be a part of the news. To inform. To educate. To disseminate which, by the way, is quite the opposite of what that dwarf wanted to do yesterday. And maybe, just maybe, change the world a little and make it a better and safer place.

Right.

Settled then.

This ghost train ride has been…

[cuts to studio]
Jill. It's not a fairground attraction.

[cuts to weathergirl]
I'm sorry?

[cuts to studio]
The Paths Of The Dead. It's not a fairground attraction.

[cuts to weathergirl]
It's…….not?

[cuts to studio]
No. It was the pilot scheme for the Channel Tunnel. It was abandoned and earned its nickname "The Paths Of The Dead" because of an incident where workers delved to deep and woke something. Shadow and Flame.

[cuts to weathergirl]
That old vaudeville double-act?

[cuts to studio]
No.

[cuts to weathergirl]
I'll kill that Gimli. He promised me an exclusive on this.

[cuts to studio]
Er…Jill?

[cuts to weathergirl]
Yes?

[cuts to studio]
It's raining.

[cuts to weathergirl]
I know. And I can tell without looking up too. I'm a professional. Your point is?

[cuts to studio]
Where's your umbrella?

[cuts to weathergirl]
Shut up.

[cuts to studio]
OK. Thanks Jill. Unfortunately we've run out of time for our regular news bulletin. After the break we have a special report: "Tom Bombadil – Why?"




sample

We have been there and back again.


TIME Google Calendar


6th draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observations List - November 28, 2013
4th draft of TH:DOS Geeky Observations List - May 15, 2014

5th draft of TH:BotFA Geeky Observations List - January 30, 2015


TORn's Geeky Observations Lists for LotR and The Hobbit


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Mar 9 2017, 11:39am

Post #55 of 57 (606 views)
Shortcut
TIME - March 9 [In reply to] Can't Post

Today in Middle-earth

March 9, 3019 (S.R. 1419)
1. Gandalf reaches Minas Tirith.
(from the appendices)
..."...and suddenly the sun climbed over the eastern shadow and sent forth a shaft that smote the face of the City. Then Pippin cried aloud, for the Tower of Ecthelion, standing high within the topmost wall, shone out against the sky, glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver... ...white banners broke and fluttered from the battlements in the morning breeze, and high and far he heard a clear ringing as of silver trumpets.

...So Gandalf and Peregrin rode to the Great Gate of the Men of Gondor at the rising of the sun, and its iron doors rolled back before them.
...'Mithrandir! Mithrandir!' men cried. 'Now we know that the storm is indeed nigh!'
...'It is upon you... ...I have ridden on its wings. Let me pass! I must come to your Lord Denethor while his stewardship lasts. Whatever betide, you have come to the end of the Gondor that you have known. Let me pass!'
...The men fell back before the command of his voice and questioned him no further, though they gazed in wonder at the hobbit that sat before him and at the horse that bore him. For the people of the City used horses very little... ...And they said: 'Surely that is one of the great steeds of the King of Rohan? Maybe the Rohirrim will come soon to strengthen us.' But Shadowfax walked proudly up the long winding road."

2. Faramir leaves Henneth Annûn.
(from the appendices)
..."…I could not come more swiftly. Yestereve I lay at Cair Andros, the long isle in the River northward which we hold in defence; and horses are kept on the hither bank. As the dark drew on I knew that haste was needed, so I rode thence with three others that could also be horsed. The rest of my company I sent south to strengthen the garrison at the fords of Osgiliath.'"

3. Aragorn sets out from Erech and comes to Calembel.
(from the appendices)
..."But when the dawn came, cold and pale, Aragorn rose in haste, and he led the Company forth upon the journey of greatest haste and weariness that any among them had known, save he alone, and only his will held them to go on. No other mortal Men could have endured it, none but the Dúnedain of the North, and with them Gimli the Dwarf and Legolas of the Elves."

4. At dusk Frodo reaches the Morgul-road.
(from the appendices)
..."There it seemed to Frodo that he descried far off, floating as it were on a shadowy sea, the high dim tops and broken pinnacles of old towers forlorn and dark.
...He turned to Gollum. 'Do you know where we are?' he said.
...'Yes, Master. Dangerous places. This is the road from the Tower of the Moon, Master, down to the ruined city by the shores of the River. The ruined city, yes, very nasty place, full of enemies.... ...Hobbits have come a long way out of the path. Must go east now, away up there.' He waved his skinny arm towards the darkling mountains. 'And we can't use this road. Oh no! Cruel peoples come this way, down from the Tower.'"

5. Théoden comes to Dunharrow.
(from the appendices)
..."All the same he had been lonely, and never more so than now at the day's end. Merry wondered where in all this strange world Pippin had got to; and what would become of Aragorn and Legolas and Gimli. Then suddenly like a cold touch on his heart he thought of Frodo and Sam. 'I am forgetting them...! ...And yet they are more important than all the rest of us. And I came to help them; but now they must be hundreds of miles away if they are still alive.' He shivered...."
..."'...The Paths of the Dead,' Merry muttered to himself. 'The Paths of the Dead? What does all this mean? They have all left me now. They have all gone to some doom; Gandalf and Pippin to war in the East; and Sam and Frodo to Mordor; and Strider and Legolas and Gimli to the Paths of the Dead. But my turn will come soon enough, I suppose.'"

6. Darkness begins to flow out of Mordor.
(from the appendices)
..."There they lay for a while, too tired yet to eat; and peering out through the holes in the covert they watched for the slow growth of day.
...But no day came, only a dead brown twilight. In the East there was a dull red glare under the lowering cloud; it was not the red of dawn."

...[Faramir to Gandalf:] "'Cirith Ungol? Morgul Vale?' [Gandalf] said. 'The time, Faramir, the time? When did you part with them? When would they reach that accursed valley?
...'I parted with them in the morning two days ago,' said Faramir. 'It is fifteen leagues thence to the vale of the Morgulduin... ...then they would be still five leagues westward of the accursed Tower. At swiftest they could not come there before today... ...Indeed I see what you fear. But the darkness is not due to their venture. It began yestereve, and all Ithilien was under shadow last night. It is clear to me that the Enemy has long planned an assault on us, and its hour had already been determined before ever the travellers left my keeping.'"

[league = 3 miles]




sample

We have been there and back again.


TIME Google Calendar


6th draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observations List - November 28, 2013
4th draft of TH:DOS Geeky Observations List - May 15, 2014

5th draft of TH:BotFA Geeky Observations List - January 30, 2015


TORn's Geeky Observations Lists for LotR and The Hobbit


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Mar 10 2017, 11:45am

Post #56 of 57 (567 views)
Shortcut
TIME - March 10 [In reply to] Can't Post

Today in Middle-earth

March 10, 3019 (S.R. 1419)
1. The Dawnless Day.
(from the appendices)
...[Aragorn/Legolas/Gimli:] "The township and the fords of Ciril they found deserted, for many men had gone away to war, and all that were left fled to the hills at the rumour of the coming of the King of the Dead. But the next day there came no dawn, and the Grey Company passed on into the darkness of the Storm of Mordor and were lost to mortal sight; but the Dead followed them."

2. The muster of Rohan: the Rohirrim ride from Harrowdale.
(from the appendices)
..."'Wake up, wake up, Master Holbytla...!' ... Merry came out of deep dreams and sat up with a start. It still seemed very dark, he thought.
...'What is the matter?' he asked.
...'The king calls for you.'
...'But the Sun has not risen, yet,' said Merry.
...'No, and will not rise today, Master Holbytla. Nor ever again, one would think under this cloud. But time does not stand still, though the Sun be lost. Make haste...!'
......Merry looked outside. The world was darkling. The very air seemed brown, and all things about were black and grey and shadowless; there was a great stillness...."

..."...The King turned to Merry. 'I am going to war, Master Meriadoc... ...In a little while I shall take the road.. I release you from my service, but not from my friendship...'
...'...But, but, lord,' Merry stammered, 'I offered you my sword. I do not want to be parted from you like this, Théoden King. And as all my friends have gone to the battle, I should be ashamed to stay behind.'
...'But we ride on horses tall and swift... ...and great though your heart be you cannot ride on such beasts.'
...'Then tie me onto the back of one, or let me hang on a stirrup, or something,' said Merry. 'It is a long way to run; but run I shall, if I cannot ride, even if I were my feet off and arrive weeks too late.'
...Théoden smiled. 'Rather than that I would bear you with me on Snowmane... ...But at the least you shall ride with me to Edoras and look on Meduseld; for that way I shall go. So far Stybba can bear you: the great race will not begin till we reach the plains.'

......They passed down the long ranks of waiting men with stern and unmoved faces... ...one looked up glancing keenly at the hobbit. A young man, Merry thought as he returned the glance, less in height and girth than most. He caught the glint of clear grey eyes; and then he shivered, for it came suddenly to him that it was the face of one without hope who goes in search of death....

......Unnoticed a Rider came up and spoke softly in the hobbit's ear.
...'Where will wants not, a way opens, so we say, ' he whispered; 'and so I have found myself.' Merry looked up and saw that it was the young Rider whom he had noticed in the morning. 'You wish to go whither the Lord of the Mark goes: I see it in your face.'
...'I do,' said Merry.
...'Then you shall go with me,' said the Rider."

3. Faramir rescued by Gandalf outside the gates of the City.
(from the appendices)
...[Beregond:] "'Look! The men are thrown; they are running on foot. No, one is still up, but he rides back to the others. That will be the Captain: he can master both beasts and men. Ah! there one of the foul things is stooping on him. Help! help! Will no one go out to him? Faramir!'
...With that Beregond sprang away and ran off into the gloom. Ashamed of his terror, while Beregond of the Guard thought first of the captain whom he loved, Pippin got up and peered out... ...he caught a flash of white and silver coming from the North, like a small star down on the dusky fields. It moved with the speed of an arrow and grew as it came, converging swiftly with the flight of the four men towards the Gate. It seemed to Pippin that a pale light was spread about it and the heavy shadows gave way before it; and then as it drew near... ...he heard, like an echo in the walls, a great voice calling.
...'Gandalf!' he cried. 'Gandalf! He always turns up when things are darkest. Go on! Go on, White Rider! Gandalf, Gandalf!' he shouted wildly, like an onlooker at a great race urging on a runner who is far beyond encouragement.
...But now the dark swooping shadows were aware of the newcomer. One wheeled towards him... ...he raised his hand, and from it a shaft of white light stabbed upwards. The Nazgûl gave a long wailing cry and swerved away; and with that the four others wavered... ...in swift spirals they passed away eastward vanishing into the lowering cloud above; and down on the Pelennor it seemed for a while less dark."

4. Aragorn crosses Ringlo.
(from the appendices)
...[A brief reference by Legolas talking to Merry & Pippin:] "'In the Uplands of Lamedon they overtook our horses, and swept round us, and would have passed us by, if Aragorn had not forbidden them. At his command they fell back. "Even the shades of Men are obedient to his will... ...They may serve his needs yet!" One day of light we rode, and then came the day without dawn, and still we rode on, and Ciril and Ringlo we crossed...'"

5. An army from the Morannon takes Cair Andros and passes into Anórien.
(from the appendices)
...[A brief reference by Faramir to Denethor and Gandalf:] "'But the darkness is not due to their venture. It began yestereve, and all Ithilien was under shadow last night... ...As the dark drew on I knew that haste was needed, so I rode thence with three others that could also be horsed. The rest of my company I sent south to strengthen the garrison at the fords of Osgiliath.'"

6. Frodo passes the Cross-roads, and sees the Morgul-host set forth.
(from the appendices)
..."Standing there for a moment filled with dread Frodo became aware that a light was shining; he saw it glowing on Sam's face beside him... ...There, far away, beyond sad Gondor now overwhelmed in shade, the Sun was sinking, finding at last the hem of the great slow-rolling pall of cloud, and falling in an ominous fire towards the yet unsullied Sea. The brief glow fell upon a huge sitting figure, still and solemn as the great stone kings of Argonath... ...Suddenly, caught by the level beams, Frodo saw the old king's head: it was lying rolled away by the roadside. 'Look, Sam!' he cried, startled into speech. 'Look! The king has got a crown again...!' ...about the high stern forehead there was a coronal of silver and gold. A trailing plant with flowers like small white stars had bound itself across the brows as if in reverence for the fallen king... '...They cannot conquer forever!' said Frodo..."

..."A Rider, all black, save that on his hooded head he had a helm like a crown that flickered with a perilous light... ...Frodo's staring eyes followed him, unable to wink or to withdraw. Surely there was the Lord of the Nine Riders... ...the haggard king whose cold hand had smitten down the Ring-bearer with his deadly knife. The old wound throbbed with pain and a great chill spread towards Frodo's heart. Even as these thoughts pierced him with dread and held him bound as with a spell, the Rider halted suddenly... ...and behind him all the host stood still. There was a pause, a dead silence. Maybe it was the Ring that called to the Wraith-lord, and for a moment he was troubled, sensing some other power within his valley. This way and that turned the dark head helmed and crowned with fear, sweeping the shadows with its unseen eyes. Frodo waited, like a bird at the approach of a snake, unable to move....

..."...Frodo stirred. And suddenly his heart went out to Faramir. 'The storm has burst at last,' he thought. 'This great array of spears and swords is going to Osgiliath. Will Faramir get across in time...? ...And who can now hold the fords when the King of the Nine Riders comes? And other armies will come. I am too late. All is lost. I tarried on the way... ...Even if my errand is performed, no one will ever know. There will be no one I can tell. It will be in vain.' Overcome with weakness he wept. And still the host of Morgul crossed the bridge."

7. March 10, 2007
Last day of Old Boards activity/accessibility (April 26, 1999 – March 10, 2007) *sigh* So many stories. So many pies, flames and mods of the up and down kind :)




sample

We have been there and back again.


TIME Google Calendar


6th draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observations List - November 28, 2013
4th draft of TH:DOS Geeky Observations List - May 15, 2014

5th draft of TH:BotFA Geeky Observations List - January 30, 2015


TORn's Geeky Observations Lists for LotR and The Hobbit


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Mar 10 2017, 11:47am

Post #57 of 57 (567 views)
Shortcut
TLE's Weather Report: March 10 [In reply to] Can't Post

(Originally posted on March 10, 2002 by TheLidlessEye!!!—slightly edited by gramma)

And now the WEATHER!

Jill, it looks like a familiar scene behind you.

[cuts to Mount Doom]
Yes of course it does. Still here. Exciting scenery, isn't it? Rocks, lava, desert. That's all there is. Rocks, lava, desert. On the rare occasion you can make it out through the smoke, that is. Can't buy a Perrier anywhere for love or money. What else am I supposed to wash my hair in?

Those da#$ed eagles at Eagle Eyrelines have gone on a second one-day strike over prey and conditions. Apparently there's some dumb blond long-haired Vulcan look-a-like who keeps shooting anything out of the sky that is greater than an unladen crebain – be it African or European. I bet *he* gets to wash his hair in Perrier, lucky bugger. The eagles say it's just to darn dangerous these days on what they're getting. They're not getting much, true, in fact it's pigeon feed, but just get me outta here!

Anyway, the weather. I mean, do I look like I care right now? I've got more split ends than split infinitives right now. Stick your head out of your window for goodness sake. If you get wet, more likely than not it's raining, OK?

Dermott.

[cuts to studio]
Thanks Jill. Now here's Moria–oh-for-goodness-sake-it's-Moira-isn't-it with the headlines.

*static* Wink


[cuts to studio]
Er… uh… Thanks M-o-i-r-a. OK, a slow news day.

We'll be back after the break with a special report on Einstein's time-dilation effect, focusing on Gandalf claiming he's been away seventeen years and yet to everyone else it looks like only a few days. No wonder no-one looks like they have aged a bit to the wizened wizard.




sample

We have been there and back again.


TIME Google Calendar


6th draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observations List - November 28, 2013
4th draft of TH:DOS Geeky Observations List - May 15, 2014

5th draft of TH:BotFA Geeky Observations List - January 30, 2015


TORn's Geeky Observations Lists for LotR and The Hobbit

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