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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Main:
It's a Desolation of Smaug PANTS thread!

Riven Delve
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 11:58am

Post #1 of 51 (1776 views)
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It's a Desolation of Smaug PANTS thread! Can't Post

We're in the midst of an ice storm here, and since my kids are home from school making merry like a couple of Hobbit book Elves and I won't get any work done, I say let's have some fun! (As long as the power holds out, anyway...)


In case you're wondering, a pants thread is where we pick a line from the movie and substitute the word pants for a key noun, like so:

His pants were running low when Girion made his last stand.



You might need to add a couple of lines for context:

I found something in the Goblin tunnels.

Found what? What did you find?

My pants.

Good. You'll need them.


If you need some help with lines from the movie, check out this transcript kindly provided by a TORn member. (Sorry, can't remember who, but thank you!)


Here are a few more to start us out:




If you speak of this to anyone, I'll rip your pants off.


You would take nothing from me, Dwarf. I laid low your pants of old. I instilled terror in the trousers of men.


Have fun!


"I did shatter his lantern, and that would have been pretty fair shooting, I can tell you, if I had been aiming at it!"



Mr. Arkenstone (isaac)
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 12:17pm

Post #2 of 51 (1257 views)
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LOLíssimo! [In reply to] Can't Post

Thorin at Bree: Payment for what?

Gandalf: Your pants...someone wants you naked...

The flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true!


DwellerInDale
Rohan


Feb 5 2014, 1:50pm

Post #3 of 51 (1236 views)
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If your father has his way, we will do nothing. [In reply to] Can't Post

We will hide within our walls,
Live our lives away from the light,
And let our pants descend.

Don't mess with my favorite female elf.











dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Feb 5 2014, 1:53pm

Post #4 of 51 (1212 views)
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"It is memory, precious and pure. Like your pants." [In reply to] Can't Post

Thanks, Riven Delve, this is perfect for a snowy/icy day!

(Remember to keep responses to the subject line if possible, folks! Wink)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"






(This post was edited by dernwyn on Feb 5 2014, 1:55pm)


elf-lady
Rivendell

Feb 5 2014, 2:04pm

Post #5 of 51 (1206 views)
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Funny! [In reply to] Can't Post

Ah I remember the wonderful "Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants".

How about:

Truly, the tales and songs fall utterly short of your pants, O Smaug the Stupendous


Dame Ioreth
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 2:16pm

Post #6 of 51 (1235 views)
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Just to be clear for our non-American folks... [In reply to] Can't Post

Pants = Trousers, correct? Blush Laugh

Necromancer In the voice of Tim Gunn, Project Runway) : We grow in number. We grow in strength. You will lead my designers.
Azog: What of Oakenshield?
Necromancer: Fashion Week is coming.
Azog: You promised me his pants!
Necromancer: Skirts will come to all.
[The darkness disappears with a flourish.]

Where there's life there's hope, and need of vittles.
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings







Óintment
The Shire

Feb 5 2014, 2:22pm

Post #7 of 51 (1208 views)
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a balrog [In reply to] Can't Post

Gandalf: its a balrog with the pants of morgoth, a demon of the ancient world

Pick up line: Are you an Ork, cause you make my sting Glow!


DanielLB
Immortal


Feb 5 2014, 2:52pm

Post #8 of 51 (1171 views)
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"The Lord of Silver Pants, the King of Carven Knickers, the King Beneath the Trousers, shall come into his own. And the jodhpurs shall ring in gladness, at the Trouser Legs return, But all shall fail in sadness, and the pants will shine and burn." / [In reply to] Can't Post

 



Elarie
Grey Havens

Feb 5 2014, 2:55pm

Post #9 of 51 (1198 views)
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I offer you my pants [In reply to] Can't Post

Thranduil: I offer you my pants
Thorin (slight smile): I am listening

……and later

Elf guard: Say what you like about our ill-tempered king, but he has excellent taste in pants. Come Elros, try them.

….and later still

Bard: I know where these pants came from.
Thorin: What of it?
Bard: I don't know what business you had with the elves, but I don't think it ended well.

oh dear, we've got six inches of snow with ice on top - this could go on all day Smile


(This post was edited by Elarie on Feb 5 2014, 2:59pm)


Annatar598
Rohan


Feb 5 2014, 2:56pm

Post #10 of 51 (1181 views)
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Beorn and his distaste for pants [In reply to] Can't Post

"These lands are crawling with Orcs, their numbers are growing and you are on foot. You will never reach the forest alive. I don't like dwarves, they're greedy and blind, blind to the lives of those they deem less than their own.

But pants I hate more."


Who can blame the guy?


Annatar598
Rohan


Feb 5 2014, 2:59pm

Post #11 of 51 (1195 views)
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Greenwood the Great and Bilbo the naive [In reply to] Can't Post

Gandalf: This is not the Greenwood of old, the very air of the forest is heavy with illusion that will seek to enter your pants and lead you astray.

Bilbo: Lead us astray? What does that mean?

Oh Bilbo :/


Bumblingidiot
Rohan

Feb 5 2014, 3:05pm

Post #12 of 51 (1199 views)
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Silly childish game. [In reply to] Can't Post

And pants = underwear. Always has. Always will. As the Goblin King said: "I feel a thong coming on".

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear."


Dame Ioreth
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 3:20pm

Post #13 of 51 (1174 views)
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Pardon my ignorance [In reply to] Can't Post

merely clarifying for the sake of the game and the PG nature of these boards. Blush

Where there's life there's hope, and need of vittles.
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings







dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Feb 5 2014, 3:25pm

Post #14 of 51 (1166 views)
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*spits out tea* [In reply to] Can't Post

Ack! The image of that! Shocked LOL!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"






Ethel Duath
Half-elven


Feb 5 2014, 3:28pm

Post #15 of 51 (1147 views)
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!!!!!!!!!!!!Mods Up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [In reply to] Can't Post

Hahahahahahahahaha!Cool


Old Toby
Grey Havens


Feb 5 2014, 3:44pm

Post #16 of 51 (1162 views)
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Thranduil: You have found a way in.... [In reply to] Can't Post


You seek that which would bestow upon you the right to rule: the King's Trousers, the Arkenpants. It is precious to you beyond measure. I understand that. There are pants in the mountains that I too desire. White pants of pure cotton. I offer you my help.

Tongue

"Age is always advancing and I'm fairly sure it's up to no good." Harry Dresden (Jim Butcher)

(This post was edited by Old Toby on Feb 5 2014, 3:48pm)


Darkstone
Immortal


Feb 5 2014, 3:59pm

Post #17 of 51 (1136 views)
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"These are dark pants, Gandalf. Old, and full of..." / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************


May 1910: The Nine Kings assembled at Buckingham Palace for the funeral of Edward VII.
(From left to right, back row: Haakon VII of Norway, Ferdinand I of Bulgaria, Manuel II of Portugal, Wilhelm II of Germany, George I of Greece, and Albert I of Belgium. Front row: Alphonso XIII of Spain, George V of England, and Frederick VIII of Denmark.)


Darkstone
Immortal


Feb 5 2014, 4:02pm

Post #18 of 51 (1123 views)
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"It never ceases to amaze me, the pants of Hobbits.." /. [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************


May 1910: The Nine Kings assembled at Buckingham Palace for the funeral of Edward VII.
(From left to right, back row: Haakon VII of Norway, Ferdinand I of Bulgaria, Manuel II of Portugal, Wilhelm II of Germany, George I of Greece, and Albert I of Belgium. Front row: Alphonso XIII of Spain, George V of England, and Frederick VIII of Denmark.)


Riven Delve
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 4:06pm

Post #19 of 51 (1133 views)
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Gandalf: No matter what may come, stay in the pants! [In reply to] Can't Post

 If you don't, you will never find them again...


"I did shatter his lantern, and that would have been pretty fair shooting, I can tell you, if I had been aiming at it!"



(This post was edited by Riven Delve on Feb 5 2014, 4:12pm)


FaramirAndEowynMorningStar
Rohan


Feb 5 2014, 4:06pm

Post #20 of 51 (1153 views)
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Two can play at this game! *chuckles wickedly* [In reply to] Can't Post

GANDALF: "And I would say the same to you. Take back your pants."

GANDALF: "One of them was carrying a message. It is Black Speech. Promise of Payment."
THORIN: "For what?"
GANDALF: "Your pants."

BILBO: "There is something else out there."
GANDALF: "What pants did it take? Like poka dots?"
BILBO: "Ye.... y-yes. But the spots were bigger, much bigger!"
(.....*standing twiddling thumbs* sorry Mister Gandalf...)

AZOG: [subtitle: "You promised me his pants!"]

OIN: "We've lost the pants!"

THORIN: "I would not trust Thranduil, the great king, to honor his word should the end of all days be upon us! You lack all underwear! I have seen the way you treat your pants...!

BARD: "You have no right, no right to own those pants."
THORIN: "I have the only right."

BILBO: "I merely wanted to gaze upon your pants, to see if they really were as great as the old tales say. I did not believe them."
SMAUG: "And do you now?!!!"
BILBO: "Truly, the tales and songs fall utterly short of your underwear, O Smaug the Stupendous."


Whoa, I think I overdid the game! Laugh I'm just gonna stop there.

..The Lord of Silver Fountains
.....The King of Carven Stone
..The King Under the Mountain
.......Shall come into his own

..And the bells will ring in gladness
......At the Mountain King's return
..But all shall fail in sadness
....And the lake will shine and burn

(This post was edited by FaramirAndEowynMorningStar on Feb 5 2014, 4:07pm)


Darkstone
Immortal


Feb 5 2014, 4:06pm

Post #21 of 51 (1116 views)
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"My teeth are swords! My claws are spears! My pants are a hurricane!" / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************


May 1910: The Nine Kings assembled at Buckingham Palace for the funeral of Edward VII.
(From left to right, back row: Haakon VII of Norway, Ferdinand I of Bulgaria, Manuel II of Portugal, Wilhelm II of Germany, George I of Greece, and Albert I of Belgium. Front row: Alphonso XIII of Spain, George V of England, and Frederick VIII of Denmark.)


Bishop
Gondor


Feb 5 2014, 4:19pm

Post #22 of 51 (1124 views)
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Excellent [In reply to] Can't Post

Bard: You didn't see them, they were never here. The pants you can have for nothing.


Arandir
Gondor


Feb 5 2014, 4:23pm

Post #23 of 51 (1130 views)
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"You have no pants. No pants to enter that Mountain" [In reply to] Can't Post

... "I have the only pants" Laugh

'A Tolkienist's Perspective' Blog
Why we Love 'Sherlock'
'How Peter Jackson inches closer to making 'The Silmarillion'


Meneldor
Valinor


Feb 5 2014, 4:27pm

Post #24 of 51 (1120 views)
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Gandalf, this not a nice place to wear pants! [In reply to] Can't Post

 


They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters; These see the works of the Lord, and His wonders in the deep.


Eruvandi
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 4:54pm

Post #25 of 51 (1107 views)
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Thorin: You lack all trousers!...I have seen how you treat your pants! [In reply to] Can't Post

We came to you once. Starving, pants-less, seeking your help. But you turned your back! You turned away from the suffering of my people, and the inferno that destroyed our pants!

"And we find what we're made of
Through the open door
Is it fear you're afraid of?
What are you waiting for?
Love alone is worth the fight."
-Switchfoot


Eruvandi
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 4:56pm

Post #26 of 51 (463 views)
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Bwahaha! [In reply to] Can't Post

That made me LOL so suddenly I startled my dog!Laugh

"And we find what we're made of
Through the open door
Is it fear you're afraid of?
What are you waiting for?
Love alone is worth the fight."
-Switchfoot


Eruvandi
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 5:00pm

Post #27 of 51 (451 views)
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I freed his wretched pants from his miserable posterior / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

"And we find what we're made of
Through the open door
Is it fear you're afraid of?
What are you waiting for?
Love alone is worth the fight."
-Switchfoot


Riven Delve
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 5:04pm

Post #28 of 51 (470 views)
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*snort* [In reply to] Can't Post

I was laughing so hard when I read this one that my kids said to one another: "What's wrong with Mom?"


"Oh, she's just laughing at her geeky stuff again."


So true! Till tears came to my eyes! Cool


"I did shatter his lantern, and that would have been pretty fair shooting, I can tell you, if I had been aiming at it!"



Eruvandi
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 5:04pm

Post #29 of 51 (448 views)
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Such is the nature of trousers...In time all foul pants come forth / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

"And we find what we're made of
Through the open door
Is it fear you're afraid of?
What are you waiting for?
Love alone is worth the fight."
-Switchfoot


Bishop
Gondor


Feb 5 2014, 5:17pm

Post #30 of 51 (457 views)
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Kili: Aren't you going to search me? I could have anything down my pants. [In reply to] Can't Post

 


dormouse
Half-elven


Feb 5 2014, 5:19pm

Post #31 of 51 (462 views)
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"The old tales will come true..." [In reply to] Can't Post

"Vast halls of pants"

"Can it really be true? Has the Lord of silver pants returned?



2. "What are dwarves doing in these pants?"

"It's the prophecy"

"Prophecy?"

"The prophecy of Durin's pants."



and finally...

3. "If this is to end in pants, then we will all pant together!"


*ducks and runs....


Eleniel
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 6:10pm

Post #32 of 51 (444 views)
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In honour of the talking purse... [In reply to] Can't Post

"Then Bilbo plucked up courage and put his little hand in William's enormous pants..."
"Trolls' pants are the mischief, and this was no exception. " 'Ere, 'oo are you?" it squeaked, as it left the pants;"


"Choosing Trust over Doubt gets me burned once in a while, but I'd rather be singed than hardened."
¯ Victoria Monfort


(This post was edited by Eleniel on Feb 5 2014, 6:11pm)


Bombadil
Half-elven


Feb 5 2014, 6:45pm

Post #33 of 51 (425 views)
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Bilbo to Gollum? [In reply to] Can't Post

"What have I got in my pants?"

Gollum..."Not Fair, Smegol hasn't had pants
for an Age."

Pants Riddle:
"What has two legs and a Trunk,
That may get Bigger with Age?
But Only if you Throw them away?"


Elwen
Lorien


Feb 5 2014, 6:49pm

Post #34 of 51 (409 views)
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The Dragon! It's going to pants us!// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

 photo Desolation-of-Smaug2_zpsc1584ee1.jpg
Tauriel: So let me get this straight sir, this Elwen girl is back on something called TORn, and rather than just tell her to stop stalking you, you'd like me to show up in a movie I have no business being in as a ploy to distract her, and nevermind the wrath of countless Tolkien fans who will be calling for my destruction?

Legolas: That about sums it up. Besides, some people might like you. Oh, and to be on the safe side, can we pretend to be a couple too?


Lissuin
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 6:50pm

Post #35 of 51 (419 views)
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“His name is Beorn, and he is a pants-changer. [In reply to] Can't Post

Sometimes he’s a huge black pair of sweats; sometimes he’s a great strong pair of Wranglers. The bear is unpredictable, but the man can be pantsed."


Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Feb 5 2014, 8:03pm

Post #36 of 51 (392 views)
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"Well, thief! I smell you, I hear your breath, I feel your pants." / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Feb 5 2014, 8:04pm

Post #37 of 51 (392 views)
Shortcut
"I laid low your warriors of old. I instilled terror in the pants of men!" / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Meneldor
Valinor


Feb 5 2014, 11:25pm

Post #38 of 51 (399 views)
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Then there's the scene when the elves capture Fili [In reply to] Can't Post

and every time they take his pants, he has another pair on underneath.


They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters; These see the works of the Lord, and His wonders in the deep.


willowing
Lorien

Feb 5 2014, 11:38pm

Post #39 of 51 (389 views)
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"Don't be shy... [In reply to] Can't Post

step into the pants" Cool


Brethil
Half-elven


Feb 5 2014, 11:40pm

Post #40 of 51 (386 views)
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Someone clearly needs an all-over tan. [In reply to] Can't Post

"I have seen the pants fall away and the white light forever fill the air."

Have an idea relating to the world of JRR Tolkien that you would like to write about? If so, the Third TORn Amateur Symposium will be running in the Reading Room April, 2014. *The Call for Submissions is up*!





Riven Delve
Tol Eressea


Feb 6 2014, 12:27am

Post #41 of 51 (371 views)
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Thorin: "Is there no end to these accursed pants?" [In reply to] Can't Post

AngelicLaughAngelic


"I did shatter his lantern, and that would have been pretty fair shooting, I can tell you, if I had been aiming at it!"



Adanel
The Shire

Feb 6 2014, 1:02am

Post #42 of 51 (380 views)
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In which Thranduil and Tauriel discuss Legolas's cross dressing. [In reply to] Can't Post

Thranduil: Legolas has grown very fond of your pants

Tauriel: I do not think you would let your son wear the pants of a lowly silvan elf.

Thranduil: You are right, still he cares for them, do not give him pants when he has none.


Riven Delve
Tol Eressea


Feb 6 2014, 1:16am

Post #43 of 51 (360 views)
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Thranduil on fashion: "A hundred pants is a mere blink in the wardrobe of an Elf..." // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


"I did shatter his lantern, and that would have been pretty fair shooting, I can tell you, if I had been aiming at it!"



Kim
Valinor


Feb 6 2014, 2:35am

Post #44 of 51 (364 views)
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[Thorin:] “How? The Arkenstone lies half a world away, buried beneath the pants of a fire-breathing dragon.” // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


willowing
Lorien

Feb 6 2014, 8:02am

Post #45 of 51 (328 views)
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Dwalin-These trousers are stone cold! [In reply to] Can't Post

Balin-"He's right, we've no pants hot enough to set them ablaze."


Azog-"The wizard has come."
Orc-"He is lifting the pants, he will find us."


Bombadil
Half-elven


Feb 6 2014, 8:41am

Post #46 of 51 (318 views)
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Saruman to Gandalf: "Why must you ALWAYS.. be Meddling in somone's PANTS?"// [In reply to] Can't Post

 


(This post was edited by Bombadil on Feb 6 2014, 8:42am)


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Feb 6 2014, 11:55pm

Post #47 of 51 (285 views)
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Woohoo! You really did ZIP and FLY thru those! Well Done!! :D // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


6th draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observation List - November 28, 2013
3rd draft of TH:DOS Geeky Observation List - January 2, 2014



sample

"There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West."

I'm SO HAPPY these new films take me back to that magical world!!



TIME Google Calendar
TORn's Geeky Observations Lists (updated soon)


SirDennisC
Half-elven


Feb 8 2014, 2:17am

Post #48 of 51 (259 views)
Shortcut
heh // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


SirDennisC
Half-elven


Feb 8 2014, 2:18am

Post #49 of 51 (255 views)
Shortcut
Azog: "You promised me his pants!" // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Werde Spinner
Rohan


Feb 9 2014, 4:09am

Post #50 of 51 (240 views)
Shortcut
I officially love this thread and everyone participating in it! [In reply to] Can't Post

I can't believe there's not more Smaug ones. Well, time for me to fill the gap!: "You care about the pants, do you? Good. Then you can watch them burn."
--
Sigrid: "Da... why are there dwarves climbing out of our pants?"
Tilda: "Will the pants bring us good luck?"
--
Thorin: "You took our money. Where are the pants?"

"I had forgotten that. It is hard to be sure of anything among so many marvels. The world is all grown strange. Elf and Dwarf in company walk in our daily fields; and folk speak with the Lady of the Wood and yet live; and the Sword comes back to war that was broken in the long ages ere the fathers of our fathers rode into the Mark! How shall a man judge what to do in such times?"

"As he ever has judged. Good and ill have not changed since yesteryear; nor are they one thing among Elves and Dwarves and another among Men. It is a man's part to discern them, as much in the Golden Wood as in his own house."


SirDennisC
Half-elven


Feb 10 2014, 2:41pm

Post #51 of 51 (112 views)
Shortcut
Elros: “I have the dwarves in my pants.” // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

 
 

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