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Ruxendil_Thoorg
Tol Eressea
Aug 16 2013, 3:13am
Post #26 of 127
(531 views)
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OK I thought this would take longer, but....
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...here's something I was able to come up with (based on the last three stanzas of the original lyrics):
Then we saw it in Crickhollow and in winding Shirebourn Vale,
Some Ferrers folk were singing O Elbereth Gilthoniel!
Shall we join in lifting voices to good Varda high above,
Shall we praise the Legendarium, the object of our love?
We join the chorus singing,
Circling Gandalf’s Ride’s detour,
Ever knowing of one truth:
We adore our Professor’s lore!
On the breeze that follows sunset
We can hear the bright refrain,
Hail Tolkienia! Tolkienia! Hooray!
Hail the world-inventing dreamer
O Eärendil Elenion Ancalima!
All hail to Tolkienia, thee we praise!
All hail to Tolkienia, thee we praise!
* * *
Thanks, this was great fun, Ethel! 
A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.
http://newboards.theonering.net/...forum_view_expanded;
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 16 2013, 3:34am
Post #27 of 127
(520 views)
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Those armadillos can really sing! And who knew they spend their evenings reading The Fellowship of the Ring.
"Then we saw it in Crickhollow and in winding Shirebourn Vale,
Some Ferrers folk were singing O Elbereth Gilthoniel!" Wow. Just wow.
And thanks so much! I was hoping for an alternate chorus. Now we can alternate this with the first one, and I'm thinking maybe have 2 verses or possibly up to 3 before the chorus repeats? You're good with a lengthy structure, so we'd love your input on how to balance things out and make it all fit together.
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 16 2013, 3:46am
Post #28 of 127
(516 views)
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Thank you T. G. E.!
Absolutely! It usually takes me several tries. If possible, I just recommend memorizing 2 or 3 of the tunes so you can hum them without the words, and then see which one fits the words you have in mind. It takes some juggling sometimes. I found with this particular one, that I would start out writing words to, say, V. I tune, and then find I'd run out of notes before then end of my line of words, but that they did fit pretty well with V. II tune, or the chorus or whatever. I found that made it harder and easier at the same time somehow.
Anyway, I'm blathering on.
I assumed you had been writing for quite awhile, your imagery is so beautiful, and out of the plain-old-ordinary, like "bright words surging along a wire." Wonderful!
That's another reason for a poetry monument and/or a Town writing-board. We need to be able to read whole phrases like this, where it's not constrained by the rhythm of a particular song.
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 16 2013, 3:59am
Post #29 of 127
(513 views)
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Well, you have a great ear for rhythm
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which I find is pretty rare with poetry. Your poem fits together perfectly without an extra beat. In other words, it fits itself, without a hitch and that's not easy to do. I played around with some changes with it only because the rhythm of the song is somewhat different and shorter than the rhythm of your poem, like a beautiful sampler, but too small a frame to fit it all in and still have every stitch visible. Luckily, you don't have to pull any threads out of the original! We just get two different versions.
If my changes don't suit you (it was just a quick attempt to give you an idea) please feel free to change anything.
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 16 2013, 4:24am
Post #30 of 127
(521 views)
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Well, your alliteration is certailny in fine fettle!
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 Almost all of it fits, with just a few tweaks here and there. My only problem is it has one extra line more than the tune has, so I'm thinking leave it as it is for the Poetry Monment in the town square, or have 2 versions, and I'll see what I can do to get it to fit the melody tomorrow sometime.
And I love this! "With his heart, the world he adorned" (which also fits that line of the tune perfectly!)
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 16 2013, 2:50pm
Post #32 of 127
(513 views)
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My biggest concern is if it preserves your meaning and intention throughout. I guessed in a few spots. I might have missed your points where I changed things, and I really don't want to do that. So please do tell me where I've missed your intent!
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 16 2013, 2:55pm
Post #33 of 127
(504 views)
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I think the tune it works with best is the Verse II tune--the one in the minor (more serious-sounding) key, if you want to try singing it.
I think you should awaken Mrs. sil and sil junior with the whole anthem around 6:00 A.M. tomorrow. Or we'll all call each other and serenade the morning . . .
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silneldor
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 12:19am
Post #34 of 127
(488 views)
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I caught the change in your PM though. I will let you post what we did.
''Sam put his ragged orc-cloak under his master's head, and covered them both with the grey robe of Lorien; and as he did so his thoughts went out to that fair land, and to the Elves, and he hoped that the cloth woven by their hands might have some virtue to keep them hidden beyond all hope in this wilderness of fear...But their luck held, and for the rest of that day they met no living or moving thing; and when night fell they vanished into the darkess of Mordor.'' - - -rotk, chapter III
Faerie contains many things besides elves and fays and besides dwarfs, witches, trolls, giants or dragons; it holds the seas, the sun, the moon, the sky; and the earth, and all things that are one in it: tree and bird, water and stone, wine and bread, and ourselves, mortal men, when we are enchanted."
— J.R.R. Tolkien
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 12:37am
Post #35 of 127
(492 views)
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what I'd worked with . Oh well, the P.M.'s got it.
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silneldor
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 1:10am
Post #36 of 127
(496 views)
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start their our country in 'the swamp'?
''Sam put his ragged orc-cloak under his master's head, and covered them both with the grey robe of Lorien; and as he did so his thoughts went out to that fair land, and to the Elves, and he hoped that the cloth woven by their hands might have some virtue to keep them hidden beyond all hope in this wilderness of fear...But their luck held, and for the rest of that day they met no living or moving thing; and when night fell they vanished into the darkess of Mordor.'' - - -rotk, chapter III
Faerie contains many things besides elves and fays and besides dwarfs, witches, trolls, giants or dragons; it holds the seas, the sun, the moon, the sky; and the earth, and all things that are one in it: tree and bird, water and stone, wine and bread, and ourselves, mortal men, when we are enchanted."
— J.R.R. Tolkien
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 1:17am
Post #37 of 127
(499 views)
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So, a rundown and requests for help
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After looking over what we have, I believe we need 2 more verse; one that uses Verse TuneI and is kind of light-hearted and one that uses Verse Tune II, and is more "thoughtful" but not deeply serious.
I'd love help and suggestions and input of all kinds!
Ours goes like this right now (the "T's" are for the Verse Tunes). I put it in a possible order, but it's not at all set in stone. The actual song up to now is below this "map" :
Chorus
T.I
Chorus
T.II
Chorus
T.II
T.I
Chorus
(T.I light-hearted?)
(T.II, more "thoughtful" but not deeply serious?)
Chorus
T.II and
T.II (sil's 2 stanza)
Chorus
Ruxendil's--
T. III
T.II
Special ending chorus (Ruxendil's)
Hail Tolkenia!
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
Verse (Tune I)
Here in So-uth Woodham Ferrers we are safe from changeling bears,
As we amble past the trees of Arwen's Grove.
We pick up a lunch at Curlew's, sail off from Eyotts club,
To navigate the falls of Dimrill Stairs.
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
Verse (Tune II)
Drawn by it's mellow byways,
We meander on our bikes,
To discover nooks and crannies
Or adventure that We likes (Precious).
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
Verse Tune II
In our gracious Tolkienia
We do not shout "Ere! Oo are you?"
We greet each other with warm hugs
Around our big barbecue
Verse Tune I
The end of day is a special time, in our little Tolkien town
In our Fellowship, a hum of happy sound.
At dusk we stand together, beneath the darkening sky,
All eyes on heaven as Earandil glimmers by.
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
Need a verse in Tune I.
Need a verse in Tune II.
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
There is one by name of Tolkien,
With his heart the world adorned.
A spirit of his kind, unique,
Among all authors born.
Profound and deepest meaning,
summoned by simple call of horn.
In Middle-earth, all led as one
By humble ranger, Aragorn.
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
Verse Tune III
Then we saw it in Crickhollow and in winding Shirebourn Vale,
Some Ferrers folk were singing O Elbereth Gilthoniel!
Shall we join in lifting voices to good Varda high above,
Shall we praise the Legendarium, the object of our love?
Verse Tune II
We join the chorus singing,
Circling Gandalf’s Ride’s detour,
Ever knowing of one truth:
We adore our Professor’s lore!
Chorus
On the breeze that follows sunset
We can hear the bright refrain,
Hail Tolkienia! Tolkienia! Hooray!
Hail the world-inventing dreamer
O Eärendil Elenion Ancalima!
All hail to Tolkienia, thee we praise!
All hail to Tolkienia, thee we praise!
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Brethil
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 1:22am
Post #38 of 127
(505 views)
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Wow, what a piece so far.
Will do some scribbling in a bit and you have license to make it fit the music!
Is there a Tolkien topic that you have wanted to look into more deeply, and write about your thoughts on it? If so, we'd like to hear from you for the next TORn Amateur Symposium- coming in November. Happy writing!
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 3:05am
Post #39 of 127
(483 views)
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some different wording I was supposed to include! Sorry! Plus, I reversed the order of two verses in the "map" list, so I fixed it too.
I think we need one more "lighthearted" verse set to Tune I. There's so much of Tune II, I think it needs some balancing out. So I think 3 more, not just 2 as I suggested above, would be a big help.
I'm copying in the whole shebang again with the right sil verses (below).
The idea of the structure is beginning to take the form of a sort of sandwich: The kind of fun, tongue-in-cheek beginning (warm honey-oat bread slice) followed by yummy pieces of cheese or tomato or refreshing spinach like Brethil's verse, followed by the good, strong beef, like sil's verses, followed by some imported cheese and nice creamy mayonnaise and warm mustard (Rux's verses) followed by another good, hearty bread slice (Rux's chorus). An Edible Anthem!
Chorus
T.I
Chorus
T.II
Chorus
T.II
T.I
Chorus
(T.I light-hearted?)
(T.II, more "thoughtful" but not deeply serious?)
Chorus
T.II and
T.II (sil's 2 stanza)
Chorus
Ruxendil's--
T. III
T.II
Special ending chorus (Ruxendil's)
Hail Tolkenia!
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
Verse (Tune I)
Here in South Woodham Ferrers we are safe from changeling bears,
As we amble past the trees of Arwen's Grove.
We pick up a lunch at Curlew's, sail off from Eyotts club,
To navigate the falls of Dimrill Stairs.
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
Verse (Tune II)
Drawn by it's mellow byways,
We meander on our bikes,
To discover nooks and crannies
Or adventure that We likes (Precious).
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
Verse Tune II
In our gracious Tolkienia
We do not shout "Ere! Oo are you?"
We greet each other with warm hugs
Around our big barbecue
Verse Tune I
The end of day is a special time, in our little Tolkien town
In our Fellowship, a hum of happy sound.
At dusk we stand together, beneath the darkening sky,
All eyes on heaven as Earandil glimmers by.
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
Need a verse in Tune I.
Need a verse in Tune II.
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
There is one by name of Tolkien,
With his heart the world adorned.
A spirit of his kind, unique,
Among all authors born.
Profound, entwining meaning,
summoned by simple call of horn.
In Middle-earth, all led as one
By humble ranger, Aragorn.
Chorus
All Ha-il to Tolkienia,
Let us all proclaim our love,
Of our glorious suburban banks and braes.
Here, just south a bit from Chelmsford
Tooks play golf upon the greensward;
All hail to Tolkenia, thee we praise!
Verse Tune III
Then we saw it in Crickhollow and in winding Shirebourn Vale,
Some Ferrers folk were singing O Elbereth Gilthoniel!
Shall we join in lifting voices to good Varda high above,
Shall we praise the Legendarium, the object of our love?
Verse Tune II
We join the chorus singing,
Circling Gandalf’s Ride’s detour,
Ever knowing of one truth:
We adore our Professor’s lore!
Chorus
On the breeze that follows sunset
We can hear the bright refrain,
Hail Tolkienia! Tolkienia! Hooray!
Hail the world-inventing dreamer
O Eärendil Elenion Ancalima!
All hail to Tolkienia, thee we praise!
All hail to Tolkienia, thee we praise!
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 3:21am
Post #40 of 127
(477 views)
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Looking forward to it, or them, if you write more than one.
This is so much fun!
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Brethil
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 3:54am
Post #42 of 127
(505 views)
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Something light in Tune I (notes of Gamgee here)
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I repeat: songs aren't my strong point at all! So if it needs musical tweaking feel free! ( I thought the repeat of "our little Tolkien town" is a nice twist in the center of the song, like an anchor? Next verses should end differently - can easily adjust it if you think it would be better not to repeat though.)
We do truly love our vittles well, in our little Tolkien town.
Warm fresh bread and ale, and apples do abound.
We all enjoy our tasty fishes fresh from the stream.
Gardeners and their 'taters are held in high esteem!
Is there a Tolkien topic that you have wanted to look into more deeply, and write about your thoughts on it? If so, we'd like to hear from you for the next TORn Amateur Symposium- coming in November. Happy writing!
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DanielLB
Immortal
Aug 17 2013, 8:34am
Post #43 of 127
(478 views)
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Though I can't believe my barbecue verse made it in. 
Question is, who do we commission to sing our national anthem? (Please not Bieber).
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silneldor
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 12:03pm
Post #44 of 127
(472 views)
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What? She could draw the dead from beneath the mountain.
But in reality, dernwyn, ethel and annael, in the least, are good singers. Although it is impossible to get these together, perhaps recorded pieces could be segmented together. What would cement it is a harmonic union! It can be done, but i do not know how it is done.
So 'ooo else can sing around these here parts?
''Sam put his ragged orc-cloak under his master's head, and covered them both with the grey robe of Lorien; and as he did so his thoughts went out to that fair land, and to the Elves, and he hoped that the cloth woven by their hands might have some virtue to keep them hidden beyond all hope in this wilderness of fear...But their luck held, and for the rest of that day they met no living or moving thing; and when night fell they vanished into the darkess of Mordor.'' - - -rotk, chapter III
Faerie contains many things besides elves and fays and besides dwarfs, witches, trolls, giants or dragons; it holds the seas, the sun, the moon, the sky; and the earth, and all things that are one in it: tree and bird, water and stone, wine and bread, and ourselves, mortal men, when we are enchanted."
— J.R.R. Tolkien
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silneldor
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 12:14pm
Post #45 of 127
(461 views)
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''Sam put his ragged orc-cloak under his master's head, and covered them both with the grey robe of Lorien; and as he did so his thoughts went out to that fair land, and to the Elves, and he hoped that the cloth woven by their hands might have some virtue to keep them hidden beyond all hope in this wilderness of fear...But their luck held, and for the rest of that day they met no living or moving thing; and when night fell they vanished into the darkess of Mordor.'' - - -rotk, chapter III
Faerie contains many things besides elves and fays and besides dwarfs, witches, trolls, giants or dragons; it holds the seas, the sun, the moon, the sky; and the earth, and all things that are one in it: tree and bird, water and stone, wine and bread, and ourselves, mortal men, when we are enchanted."
— J.R.R. Tolkien
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 1:22pm
Post #46 of 127
(475 views)
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All of us! Or Greendragon and Ruxendil
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with alternating verses, and harmonizing in the choruses!
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The Grey Elf
Grey Havens
Aug 17 2013, 2:32pm
Post #47 of 127
(486 views)
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Am I getting warmer with this verse?
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Too long, I know, and in need of some deft editing (Ethel?). If it doesn't flow, feel free to send me back to my pen and ink.
We set out every morning
Our spirits eager for the day
We dip into the great wishing well
to draw up our walk-away
Gallant heroes travel with us as we explore green Tolkienia
From homey hearths to vistas far
May its roads go ever on and on
Beckoning our front doors to rest ajar.
Welcome more children to Middle Earth. Support The S.H.I.R.E. Project!
(This post was edited by The Grey Elf on Aug 17 2013, 2:34pm)
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 7:27pm
Post #48 of 127
(459 views)
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it won't be right next to the other one, as far as I can tell, so it's just fine.
You hit just the right mood here (my mouth is watering)!
I was wondering if you would mind a comma after fishes? It would help a singer to put the right word with the right note. And I was wondering if you'd mind at all changing the last line a bit--it has an extra "beat" in it, and I don't know how to change it without changing the meaning. I'll give you an idea:
To fit the beat, it would need to go something like "Gardeners and taters held in high esteem" which doesn't mean the same thing and isn't a complete sentence--but if you say "and their taters" really fast, though, it does work and isn't all that unusual, so if you would rather not change it, it will still be fine.
Thanks so much! Both of your stanzas make me actually see the place in my head, much better than Google!!
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Aug 17 2013, 8:50pm
Post #50 of 127
(445 views)
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It's in exactly the right mood that
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I was thinking the anthem needed. You really have a knack for this--it's not so easy to hit the right mood when it's in between extremes. I have just the spot for it, but the problem is, only for 4 lines. It looks like we might need another one in Verse Tune I possibly, but these are both more like Verse Tune II. However, once it's all put together, a second Tune II might be fine--I'm just not sure yet.
The first 4 lines are almost perfect. The only change would be to the third line which has an extra sort of beat in it,
and it could be changed like this to fit: "We dip into the wishing well" but I know that's not the same thing at all.
I did just think of something--for that line, if I say to myself "and One and Two and Three and Four" with the accents on the underlined words, that gives the exact timing and number of syllables. Fitting something into that, though, I know can be a big headache!
The second 4 lines rhythmically amount to 5 lines, because of the "as we explore the green Tolkenia" part (which, by the way, makes we want to go do that right now!). I know that you do need all 5 lines to have a complete thought/stanza, so I'm not sure if you'd want to try to change it that much. Or, you could keep the original for the Poetry Monument, and figure out a shorter version for the song--it's just that I'm not sure if another Tune II stanza would fit in or not. It might, but I'm just not sure. Ruxendil might be a good one to ask about that because he's so good at longer poems.
If you wanted to try though, something like this might be a possibility to Tune II, but only if it says what you have in mind:
Gallant heroes travel with us,
As we explore green Tolkienia
From homey hearths to vistas far (this fits perfectly, and very beautifully by the way!)
From spring to winter's thaw.
(Or something. I didn't do too well here with the ending line!). This isn't even close to what you wanted, and I really like your ideas of having the wonderful "Road goes ever on" phrase, and also of our doors being always open because we always have the urge to journey and have adventures.
But I'm not sure there's a way to get that into one line with such a short set of notes in the tune. Maybe it could be re-worked into a Tune I rhythm?
I'm going to try something just to see (To Verse Tune I):
Gallant heroes travel with us, as we explore Tolkenia
From homey hearths to unknown vistas far.
May it's roads go ever on and on, like maps the Elves would draw,
And beckon us to ever leave our doors ajar.
This would more or less fit, but isn't necessarily at all what you have in mind! It is awfully difficult to write lyrics to music The old opera lyricists sure earned their keep, doing pages and pages to Mozart or Verdi or whoever. It's so complicated. Anyway, I hope the process is fun anyway, even though it's tricky.
If you think it would be of help, in order to beat out the rhythm of Verse Tune I, it would go something like this--basically 8 beats for each line with what musicians call a "pick-up" (the quick little "and a" at the beginning of some lines) ):
(With the original words)
I was tak---ing compass beariiiiiiiiiiiiiiings for the Ord--in---ance Sur-veeey (breath)
and a One and Two and Three and Four and Five and Six and 7 and 8
By an arm---y train-ing camp on Sal'sb'ry plai------------------------n,
and a One and Two and Three and Four and Five and 6 and 7 and 8
("Salzbry" seem to be the U.K. pronunciation in the youtube video, as well as I can hear it. Otherwise it wouldn't fit at all.)
So anyway, feel free to change it or not or whatever you are comfortable with.
I so appreciate all your efforts, and everyone's here! I simply couldn't do it by myself at all!!
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If they had founded a Tolkienia...
[
