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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Main:
Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories

Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Mar 27 2010, 8:04pm

Post #1 of 43 (3990 views)
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Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories Can't Post

Just why did Fatty Bolger remain in Crickhollow when Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin went on their adventure?

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauronís master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Smeagirl/Girllum
Gondor


Mar 27 2010, 8:59pm

Post #2 of 43 (2015 views)
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He was addicted to the internet and worried they wouldn't find wi-fi // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



"I deemed it the worst part of all my journey, the road back, watching him day and night, making him walk before me with a halter on his neck, gagged, until he was tamed by lack of drink and food, driving him ever towards Mirkwood."





weaver
Half-elven

Mar 27 2010, 10:39pm

Post #3 of 43 (2010 views)
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Patty Bolger// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Weaver






NottaSackville
Tol Eressea

Mar 27 2010, 10:47pm

Post #4 of 43 (2072 views)
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Agreed with Boromir on the whole "walking into Mordor" thing. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



7777777
Rivendell


Mar 27 2010, 11:51pm

Post #5 of 43 (1951 views)
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Nobody likes to be the 5th wheel in any group.// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

"Something, something, something Darkside. Something, something, something complete."


Captain Salt
Tol Eressea


Mar 28 2010, 12:20am

Post #6 of 43 (1920 views)
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He was too fat to fit on the back of Farmer Maggot's wagon... [In reply to] Can't Post

Or, alternatively, he was so fat that the other Hobbits thought there was a strong possibility he might fall on the Nazgul and kill them.


(This post was edited by Ataahua on Mar 28 2010, 1:34am)


squire
Half-elven


Mar 28 2010, 12:54am

Post #7 of 43 (2208 views)
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Three tubs, one hobbit-lass. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



squire online:
RR Discussions: The Valaquenta, A Shortcut to Mushrooms, and Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit
Lights! Action! Discuss on the Movie board!: 'A Journey in the Dark'. and 'Designing The Two Towers'.
Footeramas: The 3rd TORn Reading Room LotR Discussion; and "Tolkien would have LOVED it!"
squiretalk introduces the J.R.R. Tolkien Encyclopedia: A Reader's Diary


TheGreatCoolEnergy
The Shire


Mar 28 2010, 4:08am

Post #8 of 43 (1881 views)
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Because He Was Obese [In reply to] Can't Post

The Hobbits, as well as Gandalf, knew that Fatty was, well, fat. And the problem there is that people who are obese tend to over-eat. Seeing as how they had to walk across the know world, Fatty would have been very hungry, very often. Combine this with his eating disorder, and you have a party member who eats more than his fit teamates, which could easyily lead to trouble. Can you image the Hell that would be raised if Pippin woke up one night to see Fatty eating all of their provisions?

Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out.


Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 5:15am

Post #9 of 43 (1923 views)
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His uncle Ray Bolger had told him too many scary stories about the Wicked Witch.// [In reply to] Can't Post

 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Penthe
Gondor


Mar 28 2010, 6:12am

Post #10 of 43 (1960 views)
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Unlike Sam, his only ambition in life was to see hobbits// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Now?


sador
Half-elven


Mar 28 2010, 6:18am

Post #11 of 43 (1969 views)
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When the ford would budge, so would he. [In reply to] Can't Post

Just in case nobody gets my lame humour.

"It will support thee and defend thee from weariness" - Cirdan.




grammaboodawg
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 12:29pm

Post #12 of 43 (1747 views)
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He's massively allergic to travel, fear and haunted trees // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



sample sample

"There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West."
~Hug like a hobbit!~

I really need these new films to take me back to, and not re-introduce me to, that magical world.



TORn's Observations Lists


Darkstone
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 2:31pm

Post #13 of 43 (1733 views)
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Someone had to stay behind and protect the silver spoons. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Sometime hours and hours hence:
In The Green Dragon two ales could buy
And drank the one less filling I
And that has made all the difference.
- The Ale Less Filling, by Robert Frostymug


Darkstone
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 3:00pm

Post #14 of 43 (1734 views)
Shortcut
The Department of Buckland Security mistakenly had him on their "No Ride" list. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Sometime hours and hours hence:
In The Green Dragon two ales could buy
And drank the one less filling I
And that has made all the difference.
- The Ale Less Filling, by Robert Frostymug


Darkstone
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 3:01pm

Post #15 of 43 (1783 views)
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He'd heard abput Bombadil. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Sometime hours and hours hence:
In The Green Dragon two ales could buy
And drank the one less filling I
And that has made all the difference.
- The Ale Less Filling, by Robert Frostymug


Patty
Immortal


Mar 28 2010, 4:30pm

Post #16 of 43 (1757 views)
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Priceless, Aunt Dora! / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Permanent address: Into the West


Idril Celebrindal
Tol Eressea


Mar 28 2010, 6:12pm

Post #17 of 43 (1706 views)
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They'd have needed four more ponies just to carry his rations! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


With caffeine, all things are possible.

The pity of Bilbo will screw up the fate of many.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Mar 28 2010, 6:26pm

Post #18 of 43 (1815 views)
Shortcut
Now that's [In reply to] Can't Post

what I call having an attainable goal!

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauronís master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Smeagirl/Girllum
Gondor


Mar 29 2010, 12:32am

Post #19 of 43 (1712 views)
Shortcut
*mods up* // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



"I deemed it the worst part of all my journey, the road back, watching him day and night, making him walk before me with a halter on his neck, gagged, until he was tamed by lack of drink and food, driving him ever towards Mirkwood."





SirDennisC
Half-elven


Mar 29 2010, 3:13am

Post #20 of 43 (1708 views)
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With Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin gone, his new odds with the ladies were too good to walk away from? / [In reply to] Can't Post

 


(This post was edited by SirDennisC on Mar 29 2010, 3:13am)


Silverlode
Forum Admin / Moderator


Mar 29 2010, 5:31am

Post #21 of 43 (1770 views)
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Hah, excellent! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Silverlode

"Of all faces those of our familiares are the ones both most difficult to play fantastic tricks with, and most difficult really to see with fresh attention. They have become like the things which once attracted us by their glitter, or their colour, or their shape, and we laid hands on them, and then locked them in our hoard, acquired them, and acquiring ceased to look at them.
Creative fantasy, because it is mainly trying to do something else [make something new], may open your hoard and let all the locked things fly away like cage-birds. The gems all turn into flowers or flames, and you will be warned that all you had (or knew) was dangerous and potent, not really effectively chained, free and wild; no more yours than they were you."
-On Fairy Stories


Elwen
Lorien


Mar 29 2010, 4:17pm

Post #22 of 43 (1706 views)
Shortcut
He was waiting for a call from the casting agent of "The Biggest Loser."// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

My elfling's LOTR commentary: (from when she was 4)

On Arwen: That princess is sad because she wants her Daddy.
On Eowyn: That princess is sad because she wants to ride horses with all the boys. They should let her play too.
On Legolas: What is that princess' name?


Patty
Immortal


Mar 29 2010, 4:51pm

Post #23 of 43 (1712 views)
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He stayed home cause he hadn't called "Jenny" yet. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Permanent address: Into the West


Arandiel
Grey Havens

Mar 29 2010, 5:41pm

Post #24 of 43 (1682 views)
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Three words: Farmer Maggot's mushrooms// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Wherever you go, there you are.

Why not Elves and Potatoes?


Kyriel
Forum Admin / Moderator


Mar 31 2010, 10:22am

Post #25 of 43 (1605 views)
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It was allergy season, and he wanted to stay indoors [In reply to] Can't Post

She said, sneezing. CrazyFrown


Those left standing will make millions writing books on the way it should have been. --Incubus


aranelthehobbit22
Gondor


Mar 31 2010, 1:06pm

Post #26 of 43 (1438 views)
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haha great one! [In reply to] Can't Post

 



aranelthehobbit22
Gondor


Mar 31 2010, 1:10pm

Post #27 of 43 (1444 views)
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hahahahahahahaaha [In reply to] Can't Post

 



Arra
Rivendell


Mar 31 2010, 2:09pm

Post #28 of 43 (1474 views)
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*delurks* There was a Good Eats marathon on The Food Network./ [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Arwen's daughter
Half-elven


Mar 31 2010, 5:35pm

Post #29 of 43 (1468 views)
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Welcome to TORN! [In reply to] Can't Post

Always nice to see new faces around here! Cool



My LiveJournal
My Costuming Site
TORn's Costume Discussions Archive
The Screencap of the Day Schedule for March


greendragon
Sr. Staff


Mar 31 2010, 10:56pm

Post #30 of 43 (1434 views)
Shortcut
He was washing his hair. [In reply to] Can't Post

With strawberry shampoo.... Wink

'There are older and fouler things than orcs in the deep places of my fridge...'

'You never know what will happen next, when once you get mixed up with TORnsibs and their friends.'


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Apr 1 2010, 2:39am

Post #31 of 43 (1437 views)
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Goode Eats? [In reply to] Can't Post


Quote
...and, per Goodgulf's instructions, [the boggies] headed for the orange-and-green flashing sign at the center of town. There they found a gaudy plexiglas and chrome inn, whose blinking sign portrayed a boar, rampant, devoured by a mouth, drooling. Beneath it was the name of the inn, the Goode Eats & Lodging. Passing through the revolving door, the party signaled the bell clerk, whose nametag read Hi! I'm HoJo Hominigritts! Like the rest of the staff, he was costumed as a suckling pig with false sow's ears, tail, and papier-mache snout.

"Howdy!" drawled the fat boggie. "Ya'll want a room?"

"Yes," said Frito, stealing a glance at his companions. "We're just in town for a little vacation, aren't we, boys?"

"Vacation," said Moxie, winking at Frito broadly.

"Just a little vacation," added Pepsi, nodding his head like an idiot.

"Ya'll sign here please?" said the clerk through his fake snout. Frito took the quill chained to the desk and wrote the names ALIAS UNDERCOVER, IVAN GOTTASECRET, JOHN DOESMITH, and IMA PSEUDONYM.

"Any bags, Mr., uh, Undercover?"

"Only under my eyes," mumbled Frito, turning toward the dining room.


Well! It's not often I get to say "Welcome to TORn" with a quote from Bored of the Rings - thank you for suggesting it! Angelic


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915




Arra
Rivendell


Apr 1 2010, 4:10pm

Post #32 of 43 (1424 views)
Shortcut
Thanks!/ [In reply to] Can't Post

 


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Apr 2 2010, 4:57pm

Post #33 of 43 (1433 views)
Shortcut
Howdy and Welcome Arra! [In reply to] Can't Post

I love that show! Alton Brown can acutally make cabbage interesting!!

I'm so glad you've come out of your lurking mode to join in the fun :) Fresh ideas and great conversations are ALWAYS a very good thing!

*high five* It's good to have you here :)



sample sample

"There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West."
~Hug like a hobbit!~

I really need these new films to take me back to, and not re-introduce me to, that magical world.



TORn's Observations Lists


Patty
Immortal


Apr 2 2010, 4:59pm

Post #34 of 43 (1413 views)
Shortcut
Welcome, Arra! [In reply to] Can't Post

Love Alton Brown!


Stay with us, as we journey along the BUMPY road to "The Hobbit".Laugh

Permanent address: Into the West


Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Apr 3 2010, 8:42pm

Post #35 of 43 (3144 views)
Shortcut
MORE Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories [In reply to] Can't Post

Just why did the Dwarves not teach their language to other races?

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauronís master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


LordotRings93
Rohan


Apr 4 2010, 2:05pm

Post #36 of 43 (1458 views)
Shortcut
Conspiracy Unmasked! [In reply to] Can't Post

The language revealed the truth about Dwarf women.

The HUGEST Lord of the Rings fan ever!
Owner of all Lord of the Rings merchandise.
"I know what I must do. It's just... I'm afraid to do it."


7777777
Rivendell


Apr 4 2010, 3:22pm

Post #37 of 43 (1423 views)
Shortcut
They didn't want to share their Gravy recipe. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



Dwarf for hire: Have Battle-Axe and Boots. Willing to travel.




"Something, something, something Darkside. Something, something, something complete."


tennie75
Lorien


Apr 4 2010, 10:49pm

Post #38 of 43 (1422 views)
Shortcut
then they wouldn't be able to make snarky remarks about the elves// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.


OiotŠri
Tol Eressea


Apr 5 2010, 3:25am

Post #39 of 43 (1390 views)
Shortcut
they can't [In reply to] Can't Post

there isn't a language to know
it is all just a hoax to make everyone curious and jealous


Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens


Darkstone
Immortal


Apr 5 2010, 4:17am

Post #40 of 43 (1404 views)
Shortcut
The meaning of the Khuzdul phrase "Dink dink smurfy marklar picachu" would shatter any non-Dwarven mind. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Sometime hours and hours hence:
In The Green Dragon two ales could buy
And drank the one less filling I
And that has made all the difference.
- The Ale Less Filling, by Robert Frostymug


sador
Half-elven


Apr 6 2010, 5:53am

Post #41 of 43 (1409 views)
Shortcut
They trusted the Elves only as far as they could throw them. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

"It will support thee and defend thee from weariness" - Cirdan.




Arandiel
Grey Havens

Apr 7 2010, 4:43am

Post #42 of 43 (1341 views)
Shortcut
The method for producing some of their sounds is - shall we say - "unorthodox"// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Wherever you go, there you are.

Why not Elves and Potatoes?


Arra
Rivendell


Apr 7 2010, 7:05pm

Post #43 of 43 (1362 views)
Shortcut
Don't you mean [In reply to] Can't Post

toss them?

:)

Trust Steven ...

 
 

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