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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Fan Art: More thoughts.: Edit Log



Otaku-sempai
Immortal


Jul 16, 1:14am


Views: 3177
More thoughts.

It's disappointing that you give no reason for the absence of Master Mariadoc from your tale. Surely very little could have prevented him from joining this little group and it's unthinkable that he wouldn't have been invited. Likewise, young Rose was not Sam and Rosie's firstborn; that would be Elanor. Little Rose was their third child, after Frodo. And I'm still wondering where young Sam came from.

Other factual discrepencies:
- The King under the Mountain after Dain was his son Thorin III (Stonehelm).
- The Lossoth would not have been beast-men. They would probably have resembled the Sami people of Lapland, and Tolkien might have even reckoned the Snowmen as their ancestors.
- Rosie and Sam have been marries for years now. If you give her full name, it should be "Rose Gamgee', not 'Rose Cotton'.
- It really should be no surprise to Aragorn or his kinsmen that Hillmen still dwell in the Hills of Angmar or in the vicinity of Mount Gram.
- It bothers me that you never have Aragorn attempt to treat young Rose. These are Dúnedain lands and Athelas and other medicinal herbs should be at hand. "The hands of the King are the hands of a healer." This is a missed opportunity.
- We never learn what brought the dwarf Angmir to the region or how other Blue Mountain Dwarves were assembled so quickly. If he was simply traveling between the Ered Luin and the Lonely Mountain he ought to have been using the East Road, not wandering around so far north of Bree-land.

It's not a bad story at all; however, it could definitely use more research into Tolkien's legendarium and a good polish. And maybe less bouncing around from one set of characters to another. Maybe set such segments apart with some sort of divider (* * *). I hope you don't think my posts have been too critical. You went to so much trouble to put your story out here that I assume you want honest feedback.

"For a brief time I was here; and for a brief time I mattered." - Harlan Ellison

(This post was edited by Otaku-sempai on Jul 16, 1:25am)


Edit Log:
Post edited by Otaku-sempai (Immortal) on Jul 16, 1:17am
Post edited by Otaku-sempai (Immortal) on Jul 16, 1:19am
Post edited by Otaku-sempai (Immortal) on Jul 16, 1:25am


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