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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Fan Art: Galion's Jottings - Home at last: Edit Log


Feb 15 2016, 7:52am

Views: 3768
Galion's Jottings - Home at last

Oh Adidas, sweet Adidas
Did you run to Edoras?
Your magic brush so soft and fat
It made my heart go pitter pat
If I could feel it just once more
I'd sweep the halls of Erebor**

Are you mortal? Are you Elf?
I need to find out for myself
Queenship yours, for you to keep
I dream about you in my sleep
Oh Adidas with ladder fair
Where to find you? Where, oh where!

And this is the work of HRF in love. Bloomin' work of art, innit? Brings a lump to yer throat. As HRF said himself, not a lot rhymes wiv Adidas, not wot you can recite out loud in public at any rate.

Anyway, the upshot is, HRF is all for hunting Adidas down and bringing her home to be his Queen. I don't fink it matters if she wants that or not, he's got his heart set on it, and as he says "Why wouldn't she want to be my Queen?" He's got a point really, ain't he? So blow me down if we ain't all off to Edoras because HRF has got it into his head that she might be from there cos he vaguely remembers some Horse Lord at the barbecue, because he knows for a fact she ain't from Lothlórien or Rivendell (cos he's already asked Lord Elrond and the Lady Galadriel all about her) and she ain't no dwarf neither cos she ain't got a beard.

Between you and me, right, I'm not entirely sure that HRF isn't still sufferin' the after effects of dem Balrog Bits because prior to Adidas, right, he wouldn't look twice at a mortal woman and there's been some bootiful mortal women wot have crawled out of the woodwork over the years (well, got lost after trying to send HRF a 'love letter' and found by the Guards covered in blackberry juice on the front doorstep cryin' about 'ow many acrylic nails they've broke is a more accurate, 'praps.) Real stunners some of 'em, but no it was Elf or nuffink for HRF, and lets face it, lately it's been nuffink, apart from that little fling wot he had wiv the Lady G, after Filauria flounced off to bloomin' Gondor, and that was a good while ago. So yeah, I'm a bit flummoxed to tell yer da troof about wot this Adidas has got that's got HRF in such a tizz. He's proper bewitched. As I said to Elros, who turned up 'ere unexpected last night beggin' HRF reconsider his betrothal to Kevin citing 'cruel and unusual treatment' as the cause - sumfink to do wiv Kevin not liking all the salads wot Elros made him or sumfink. Anyhow, HRF said he'd fink about it. It ain't natural. Lord Elrond tried to talk sense into HRF sayin' that marriage to a mortal ain't all it's cracked up to be, but no, HRF weren't havin' a word of it. So yeah, we're off to bloomin' Horse Boy Country. Fan-bloomin'-tastic.

I ain't looking forward to going at all cos I'm 'lergic to 'orses, and HRF knows this and of course he ain't bovvered, is he? All he cares about is writin' more poems about Adidas and her bloomin' brush. He's even 'ad a bit of a poke round in his jewellery collection and has picked out a nice ring for 'er which is more than he ever did for Filauria, which, if you asks me, wos one of the reasons she cleared off wiv Nigel. The bloomin' rows HRF and Filauria would have. You could hear the screams all over the Realm and that wos just 'im! Rows over the Big Mirror in the mornin', rows over the Hair Straightenin' Imp, rows over who got to wear the nicest jewellery, rows over who got to sit on the throne longest. He'd be yellin' "I am the KING, you will obey MY wishes, you insolent creature!" And she'd be yellin' "I don't give a fiddler's flip for your wishes, I'm the QUEEN! So you can shut yer cake 'ole!" She was a bit common wos Filauria, very bootiful but she could curse like a sailor. She is from Bree, so wot can you expect? Trouble is, in many ways, they was too much alike, troof be told. Don't ask me how they ever managed stopped fightin' long enough to 'ave Legolas. Then one morning we discovered she'd upped and gone takin' wiv her a white gold ring wiv a diamond in it the size of a pigeon's egg. HRF, as you can imagine was devastated. Heartbroken he wos. He loved that ring.

So since we've got back home from Mirrormere, I've been 'up to pussy's pink bow' (as Mr Gandalf sez) wiv packing everyfink HRF wants to take. Twenty seven outfits he's decided on so far, all wiv matchin' boots. I keeps tellin 'im that he don't need 'em all, and what a pain it's going to be for ME to keep 'em all nice for 'im when he's messin' about wiv all dem Horse Lords, more Foreign Food and goodness knows wot else, and he just sez "Beauty IS pain, Galion" and starts on anuvver poem. Sometimes my job, it'd break yer heart and no mistake.

**Not meant literally you understand my love, but I could not find another word to rhyme, and if you'd ever been to Erebor you would understand and if you cared for me you wouldn't want me to get my hands dirty, would you? I mean I am simply not designed for manual labour of any kind; not one bead of sweat has broken on my brow in over 6000 years.

(This post was edited by Nieriel on Feb 15 2016, 8:00am)

Edit Log:
Post edited by Nieriel (Rivendell) on Feb 15 2016, 7:56am
Post edited by Nieriel (Rivendell) on Feb 15 2016, 7:58am
Post edited by Nieriel (Rivendell) on Feb 15 2016, 8:00am

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