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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Fan Art: Letters Home - Legolas & Thranduil: Edit Log



Nieriel
Rivendell


Feb 6 2016, 11:40am


Views: 2839
Letters Home - Legolas & Thranduil

The Secret Correspondence between father and son

Dear Ada
I wish you hadn't sent me here. I don't like it. I don't like boats or girls or dwarves. I want to come home. Can I?

Luv n stuff
Lego xox

..........

Legolas, my dearest son
There are times when we all have to face things we dislike, the best we can do is to decide how we live through such times.

You can never become a great King if you allow your feelings to overrun you. The first rule of Kingship is to have NO feelings.

Stay where you are until I recall you. Now, be a good boy and get on with it.

Ada is very proud of you, Lego dear.

Kind regards
Your father

..........


Dear Ada
But Dad!!! You have NO idea what it's like!!! My only friend is the pony 'Minty', I was allowed to brush her the other day. She's got a lovely tail. She let me whisper to her about how miserable I am here, and I am sure she understands. I was given an apple to give to 'Minty', but so desperate am I for something approaching the diet of Home, I ate it myself. Does that count as having no feelings, Dad?
I could murder a Leek and Cabbage Curry.

Luv n stuff
Lego xox

...........

My son
I did NOT send you there to make friends, let alone have you confide in a dwarven pony. Tell the pony NOTHING, do I make myself clear?

I need to know more about the treatment of Lindir, is he a willing participant or is he forced?

Does the Halfling suffer?

What news about the approaching Barbecue? What is Oakenshield planning to wear?

Glad to hear about the apple.

Regards
Your father

........

Dear Ada
You should SEE the state of Lindir, Dad. He's got his own double headed battle axe now and last night he joined in with nightly singings of 'Misty Mountains Cold', as he now knows all the words. THAT is how far his corruption has gone. Don't worry, Dad, I don't know the words (but could hum the tune if pressed) and when no one is looking I stuff pieces of bread crust in my ears so I can't hear it, but it's hard work as they sing it ALL the time, the girls on the boat encourage it.

There is talk aboard that Lindir has had a tattoo done, but it isn't as exciting to the girls as Kili's tattoo. I know not why. I do not understand what women find so interesting about the short, hairy mutant.

The girls have done 'stuff' to Lindir's hair so it is hardly recognizable as Elvish hair at all. You would weep to see it, father. My own hair is causing me problems as I have to keep touching up the roots to stop the blonde showing. I am almost out of Root Rescue, I may have to resort to the Coffee the Halfling makes - I spilled some today on the deck when the boat gave a nasty lee lurch, and it stripped the varnish where it fell, so I can only assume it will strip the blonde out of my hair too. It is a sacrifice I am prepared to make.

The Halfling seems to be operating under free will but he does look worried much of the time.

The girls are trying to make friends by offering me something called a Wonder Bra to help my 'little problem up top' as they call it. It is the strangest catapult I've ever seen and I have no idea why they would offer me such a thing. Curses upon these fiendish dwarven weapons!

In other news I have now had to eat so many pancakes (do not ask me to describe the horror of them, Ada) and 'nice crispy bacon' that my cheekbones are suffering and I may have gained weight.

Please can I come home now?

Luv n stuff
Lego xox

........

Son
Stop whining.

Worry not about the 'bra of wonder', Elrond assures me that Arwen has one and to quote him 'and precious little good does it do her, for she is still to catch a husband', so I can only assume it is a man trap or something of that ilk and therefore best avoided.

I have heard tell of these 'pancakes' and I would urge you to eat no more of them for no good can come of it. Bacon? Dwarven depravity sickens me.

Halflings are a resourceful breed and it would not surprise me if he isn't simply feigning compliance to avoid the ill will of the Durins and ensure his survival - trust me on this one, people act like that around me all the time.

I care little for the fate of Lindir now, as I fear he may actually be enjoying himself. Anyway, he's Elrond's problem, not mine. Elrond is too laid back I feel. He told me that there were worse things that could happen than one of his Elves 'going Dwarf'. In fact he said "It could be worse, Thranduil, my old friend, my daughter could be in love with a mortal!" How we laughed!

You haven't answered my question about what Oakenshield plans to wear to the Barbecue, Legolas. Ada is waiting.

Dad

.......

Dear Ada
I know NOT what Oakenshield plans to wear to the Barbecue and neither do I have the heart to discover it because today I was made to wash 'nameless goop' from bits of old armour. My nails got dirty, I could have cried.

The bits of old armour were brought from underground from I know not where, as I was not allowed to go on the trip to recover it but made to stay behind with Lindir who was looking after 'Minty'. Once washed, the armour was really shiny. My eyes must have been cheated by some spell because I found the armour so fair to look upon that it could have *almost* been made by my own kin. If this observation is NOT a good reason for my returning home, father, I don't know what is. I am obviously falling foul of Dwarven ways.

Were it not for previous care you have shown me I would begin to suspect that you can naught for my sufferings! I have been forced to resort to dire methods to hide my Elfhood as using the Halfling's Coffee to dye my hair only resulted in disaster when it rained. I am now so sorely in need of a hot bath that even 'Minty' will no longer tolerate my company as she once did. My ruse to drown out 87 verses of Misty Mountains Cold each evening with the bread crusts has now attracted the attention of sparrows.

Luv n stuff
Lego xox

........

Legolas, son of Thranduil
Please find enclosed two bottles of Root Rescue (shade: Durin Brown) a travel size bottle of 'WhiffBlaster For Elves' Roll on Deodorant and a triple pack of Beorn's Bees Wax Earplugs.

Yours sincerely
Arramir Hollybush
Personal Shopper to Thranduil, King of the Woodland Realm

"Our loves are not given, but only lent." Rudyard Kipling

(This post was edited by Nieriel on Feb 6 2016, 11:50am)


Edit Log:
Post edited by Nieriel (Rivendell) on Feb 6 2016, 11:44am
Post edited by Nieriel (Rivendell) on Feb 6 2016, 11:46am
Post edited by Nieriel (Rivendell) on Feb 6 2016, 11:50am


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