One lamp they raised near to the north of Middle-earth, and it was named Oxford; and the other was raised in the south, and it was named Cambridge; and the light of the Lamps of the Valar flowed out over the Earth, so that all was lit as it were in a changeless day. It was said by many (save those who had been to the Sorbonne and Monash) that education and enlightenment graced the Eldar of Mercia ever after, reaching even unto Essex, but of course not as far as Cornwall. Oxford most illuminated the practices of Rugby, whereas Cambridge shone forth upon Cricket; badminton was forever lost in their shadows, alas.

In rivalry Melkor raised his own lamp, calling it Eaton, but it was mocked by the Valar as a lesser lamp for younger ages, and when Sauron was discovered selling Eaton diplomas in a lucrative mail fraud scheme, the Eldar spoke of it no more.